In humility, we have to submit to the fact that we are not perfect like God. Sometimes we make mistakes in our assessments of relationships. When this occurs, God will lead us to reconsider our original assessment.
God can do this in both directions too. Sometimes we will come to believe God wants us with someone but he will then tell us to reconsider this. At other times we will come to believe God does not want us with this person, but here too he could lead you to reconsider this one day.
So here are 3 signs God often uses to let you know you should reconsider what you originally thought about a relationship with someone.
1. If Something Genuinely Changes in the Equation That Truly Alters Your Original Assessment of This Relationship, This Is a Good Sign God Wants You to Reconsider This Person
One reason we must be sensitive to the Holy Spirit showing us that we need to alter our former beliefs about a relationship is because things really do change as time progresses forward. People always change. None of us will be exactly the same as we were 5 years ago. Hopefully we are improving and growing with the Lord, but one way or the other changes always occur.
This is why we need to be open to God changing our views about particular relationships. Perhaps at first you felt released by God to date someone, but then a few months into the relationship God has shown you new things about this person which are big red flags. Now that you have new information that truly changes the equation, it would be wise to reconsider what you originally thought about this relationship.
On the flipside, perhaps you originally thought that someone would not be a good match for you. But then in friendship you have really grown to like and appreciate this person on a deeper level. Here again would be an example of things changing thus causing a reevaluation on your part.
This actually happened to Paul when it came to his views about Mark. In Acts 15:37-40, Paul and Barnabas went their separate ways because Barnabas wanted to take Mark but Paul didn’t because on a previous journey Mark left them. But later on after Mark had done certain things to change Paul’s opinion of him, Paul wrote to Timothy and said, “Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is very useful to me for ministry” (2 Timothy 4:11).
The point is, variables change, and when they do, it’s best to reassess things with the Lord.
2. If You Are Presented with Facts That Prove Your Feelings Were Just Wrong About This Person at First, This Is a Good Sign God Wants You to Reconsider Your Relationship with This Person
Not only do things change, sometimes we are just plain wrong about people. Sometimes the circumstances and variables don’t change but God will show us that our original assessment of the variables at hand were incorrect.
For example, you could have been interested in someone but then one of your friends told you this person was a player. Since you trust your friend you then viewed this person you were interested in differently and avoided them. But perhaps through serving together at church and listening to what other people say about this person, you now realize this person is not a player and you were wrong to take the advice of your one friend.
On the other hand, maybe you got to know someone and really felt they were genuine, but then your friend who also knows this person warned you that they were a player. Instead of considering what your friend had to say, you ignore their advice. But then after getting to know this person in dating you realize your friend was actually right. Nothing changed, you just have a different perspective now and realize your feelings were just wrong at first.
Whenever this happens, we have to be humble enough to change our minds. We have to choose the facts over our feelings when there is a contradiction between the two. Pride will tempt us to always go with our original assessment of people, whether it was a positive or negative assessment of this person. In humility, however, we need to reconsider our relationships with people when God is making it clear that we were just wrong about this person at first.
In Acts 20:29-30 (NIV) Paul said, “I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock. Even from your own number men will arise and distort the truth in order to draw away disciples after them. So be on your guard!” Paul basically warned them, “Hey, some people who you thought you could trust will actually be people you can’t trust. Be on guard and be willing to change your view of people.”
We must have the same mindset when it becomes clear our original view about someone needs to be altered.
3. If Your Life Changed in a Dramatic Way Once You Made a Definitive Decision About Someone, This Is Often a Sign God Wants You to Reconsider Your Relationship with This Person
Many times in life, things start going crazy based upon our decision to allow someone to have influence in our lives. If things are going crazy in your life, it’s wise to ask yourself, “When did all this start?”
Proverbs 22:24-25 states, “Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.” If you find yourself entangles in a snare, it could be because you got tangled up with someone you thought was good for you but in reality was not. If you can trace the start of when things started going bad in your life back to when you linked up with this person, this can be a sign God is telling you to reconsider your relationship with this person.
However, if your life dramatically improved when you opened up more to someone, this too can be a good sign that God wants you to reconsider your relationship with this person so you can view them even more positively than you originally did.
As Proverbs 13:20 explains, “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” If you are suffering harm by being around this person, reconsider this person negatively. But if you are becoming wiser by being around someone, reconsider this person positively.