Romans 12:11-12
“What happened? Why did God let us break up? Why did God let me think this person was the one? Did I do something wrong that made this relationship fail? What was the real reason that person did not want to continue? Why is God letting me so confused about this past relationship?”
I do believe you can find answers to questions like these sometimes, but not all the time. Sometimes you will look back at a past relationship experience, and no matter how much you pray and study, it still just seems all so confusing to you.
Here are 4 reasons God is letting you be so confused about a past relationship.
1. God Will Enhance Your Trust and Acceptance More Often Than Explaining Everything
Again, God will explain things to you when you are confused. One of the best ways God prepares us for our future marriages is by teaching us valuable lessons through relationships with people who we will not end up marrying. So I certainly am not saying that God will never teach you things and explain what happened in a past relationship experience.
But God won’t always do this. Not only will some past relationship experiences be confusing, there will be countless other spheres of life that will cause you confusion if you want God to give you a perfect explanation of why everything happened the way that it happened.
God won’t always give you an in-depth analysis of why he allowed certain things and why he did not allow other things. But God will always increase our trust and acceptance of his will for our lives. There is so much untapped power available to us if we learn to simply trust and accept. Yes, there are times where God wants us to work towards change and work towards a deeper understanding, but then there are other points in life where God wants us to have radical faith.
Radical faith is not always expressed through relentlessly seeking after what you desire. Radical faith is often expressed through acceptance. As Matthew 26:38-39 states:
Then he said to them, ‘My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.’ And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, ‘My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.’”
At this point, it appears Jesus did not fully know what exactly would happen, but he still fully trusted and accepted the will of God. May it be so with us as well.
2. You May Be Confused About a Past Relationship Because You Already Understand It But You Keep Looking for More to Understand
The Bible is so beautiful because no matter how many times you read a passage of Scripture, God can always teach you something more. He can always help you apply that Scripture to your life in a new way. God teaches us through our life experiences too. But unlike the Bible, there does come an end to the learning that is possible when it comes to life experiences.
Sometimes we get confused when we keep looking back at the past because we have already learned everything that God wanted to teach us there and now he wants us to stop analyzing the past so we can move on with him.
This is similar to what happened with the pharisees and religious leaders during Jesus’s earthly life. They got so obsessed with the past that they missed what God was doing in the present through Jesus.
In John 5:39-40 Jesus said, “You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me, yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life.”
There comes a point where you look at the past so much you completely miss what God is doing in the present.
3. You May Be Confused About Your Relationship Past Because You Are Overlooking the Obvious Lesson God Wants You to Learn
What would you say to someone who emailed you with a question like this?
I just don’t understand why I haven’t met a godly spouse yet. I’ve only dated non-Christians in my life but I’ve always tried to convert them. I truly desire to be married to a godly spouse who loves Jesus, spends time with Jesus in prayer, and serves Jesus in tangible ways, but I don’t know any Christians in my life. I really want a Christian spouse. I know dating non-Christians has got me into trouble in the past and I know the Bible says not to be unequally yoked, but I still believe I can date a non-Christian and convert them. What would you recommend?”
This email here is just a hypothetical situation I’m using as an example, but I’m sure many of you have experienced questions like these from people.
On the outside looking it, it’s clear that this person is just completely overlooking the lesson God wants them to learn from their past relationships, which is, “Stop trying to missionary date and only date Christians if you only want to marry a Christian.” As long as this person is unwilling to see this obvious lesson, they will always look back at their past and be confused.
May we have honesty and humility in our hearts when we look back that we might learn and not miss the obvious lessons God wants us to learn. 2 Peter 3:9 states, “The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.”
4. God May Be Allowing You to Be Confused About Your Relationship Past to Enhance Your Relationship with Him
Being confused can be a trial of sorts. And the Bible is very clear that God often uses trials to enhance our relationship with him.
Psalm 56:3 says, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.” Therefore, may we follow the counsel found in Romans 12:11-12, “Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.”