Wouldn’t it be nice if God just told you, “Yup, that’s your future spouse,” or, “Nope, that person is not the one”? While God usually doesn’t reveal the future to us, by helping us apply his word, he usually does help us know what we should pursue and what we should not pursue.
Therefore, here are 4 biblical indicators that usually mean God does not want two people together.
1. If You Have Bad Communication Together
If you asked a structural engineer, “How long do you think that building will stand?” he would not be able to give you a clear answer unless he did some investigating. The first thing he would probably do would be to examine the foundation. Why? Because all long-lasting structures have core qualities, like a good foundation.
Likewise, if you asked, “How long do you think that relationship will stand?” we would not be able to give a clear answer unless we did some investigating. At the foundation of every good relationship is communication. There are certainly other elements that would be needed for a relationship to start and last, but if you and this other person have bad communication, it’s clear the relationship will not work.
Bad communication can come in many forms. The most basic form of bad communication is no communication. If you two just can’t seem to have a normal conversation, it’s highly unlikely you will ever start dating each other one day. If you do talk but you often offend each other, this also means a relationship is not going to happen. Lastly, if the conversations are just emotionally dissatisfying, this means God does not want you to pursue a relationship with this person.
When you meet the one, you still will have communication issues at times. Overall, however, you two will verbally connect, it will be loving rather than hurtful, and you both will enjoy it (Ephesians 4:15, 29, Colossians 3:19, Ephesians 5:33).
2. If You Don’t Complement Each Other
Every time the Bible gives instructions about marriage, it speaks to both the man and the woman. And while the Scriptures always speak to the husband and the wife, oftentimes it gives a different emphasis to the man and woman. For example:
- Colossians 3:18-19, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”
- Ephesians 5:33, “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
- 1 Peter 3:1, 7, “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands . . . Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way . . .”
According to Ephesians 5:21, we are to all submit to each other. According to Mark 12:31, we all are supposed to love each other. So why does the Bible give this special emphasis to wives and husbands? In a way, shouldn’t husbands also submit to their wives and shouldn’t wives also love their husbands?
Yes. All Christians should love and submit in accordance with those commands. So as brothers and sisters in Christ, husband and wives should both be obeying all the commands that apply to all Christians. But in marriage, the emphasis is the key.
While all Christians can experience love and mutual submission, only a husband and wife can experience these types of things in a male-to-female, romantic way as designed in marriage. The husband and wife both love and submit to each other as Christians generally, but when it comes to unique marriage roles the wife’s submission and the husbands love will be pronounced in specific ways that can only be expressed in marriage. Their roles are different but equally important. They complement each other, showing the glory of God in a unique way that can only be displayed through the marriage acts.
If a man and woman cannot complement each other as God designed for a husband and wife to do, they should not get married (Ephesians 5:22-33, 1 Peter 3:1-7).
3. If You Bring Temptation Into Each Other’s Life
According to 1 Corinthians 7:1-9, one of the primary reasons a man and woman should get married is so they can decrease the sexual temptations in their life. Therefore, if two people are creating the opposite effect on each other, meaning they are increasing the sexual temptation in each other’s life, they are doing the opposite of what God intends for biblical romance.
This does not mean that if a man and woman struggle with sexual sin together that they should never get married. If they repent and they want to get married so they can honor the Lord with their bodies, this is a great sign they are mean to be (1 Corinthians 7:36).
However, if two people don’t want to get married and every time they get together they fall to sexual sin, this is a clear sign God wants these people to avoid each other and move on (1 Corinthians 6:18).
Related Article: Should a Christian Couple Break Up If They Fall to Sexual Sin?
4. If Life Is Pulling You Two Apart and There’s Nothing You Can Do About It
If you have to move to pursue the career you know God wants you to pursue, but this also means you have to let someone go . . . if you keep having feelings for this person when they are dating someone else and then they have feelings for you when you are dating someone else . . . if both of you really like each other but you also don’t want to make the sacrifices for the relationship to work – these are all signs that mean this person is not the one.
If the circumstances are winning, it means this is not the person God has for you (Isaiah 55:11, Isaiah 43:13, Ephesians 1:11). When you meet the one, life will still be messy and it will still try to pull you two apart – but it won’t work. The trials will bring you two closer together and you will actually enter into a loving relationship that results in marriage.
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