5 Reasons a Good Man May Act Inconsistent Towards You Even Though He Likes You

Matthew 7:1-5

Some men act inconsistent because they are players and they want to keep you guessing. Some men act inconsistent because they are inconsistent in general, always flip-flopping on every decision they make.

But some men are inconsistent for reasons that are not so sinister. Sometimes a man will really like you, he will have great biblical qualities, but he will act inconsistent towards you for reasons you might not fully understand.

Here are 5 reasons a man may act inconsistent towards you even though he is a good man who actually likes you.

1. A Man Will Act Inconsistent When He’s Struggling to Read Your Level of Interest in Him

When he’s a good man, he will be especially sensitive about doing something that would make the woman uncomfortable. If he’s unsure about how you feel, he may struggle to know when he should pursue and when he should give up. Therefore, sometimes his inconsistency is actually coming from a good place. He’s trying to do the right thing but he’s just unsure of what that is.

Like Rebekah who gave a very clear answer when presented with the choice to go with Isaac (Genesis 24:58), the clearer you can be when he makes movements towards you, the easier it will be on both of you to get an accurate read on the romantic interest level in each other.

2. A Man Will Act Inconsistent When He Doesn’t Know How to Pursue a Woman But He’s Trying to Figure It Out

There’s a difference between a mistake and a sin. A sin is when you do something immoral that breaks a command in Scripture (1 John 3:4, Romans 3:23). A mistake, however, is when we you do something that creates unintended negative consequences in the natural world. If I accidentally knock over a cup of water and it ruins my wife’s stack of papers, that is a mistake. If I purposefully knock over the water to ruin her papers because I’m mad at her, that would be a sin.

Some men act inconsistent because they have sinful intentions while other men act inconsistent because they genuinely don’t know how to pursue a woman in the best way possible. If a guy’s heart is in the right place (which you will have to pray about while observing his actions over a consistent period of time), but he’s acting inconsistent because he’s trying to learn how to pursue a woman, it’s wise to be patient and give him more time.

He might be a great guy who’s just not great at the beginning phases of a relationship.

3. A Man Will Act Inconsistent When You Are Acting Inconsistent Towards Him

Sometimes it feels like the other person is being wishy-washy, but in reality we are the ones who are causing their inconsistent behavior because of our own inconsistencies.

For example, maybe you misread a man’s interest in the past; perhaps now you are quick to assume men are not interested in you even when they obviously are. Perhaps you are inadvertently giving him the cold shoulder. Or maybe you know he likes you, but you have been hurt in the past. Now you are swinging back and forth between accepting his pursuit and rejecting it because you want a relationship but you are also dealing with fears.

Men are not robots. They have feelings too. If they feel rejected, they will act differently towards you. If they feel like they have a chance with you, again, they will act accordingly. Before you completely right him off as “too inconsistent,” first make sure you have been consistent towards him (Matthew 7:1-5).

4. A Man Will Act Inconsistent When He Likes You But He’s Not Sure He’s Ready to Date

Before a man starts pursuing a woman, he should have a good idea that God is releasing him to be in a relationship. At times, however, a good man will struggle with knowing what God is truly saying.

He might feel like God is saying yes, but then he might start feeling like God is saying wait. While a more mature Christian man will avoid brining a woman into this confusion, a less mature Christian man is not the same thing as a player or a bad guy.

If you really like him but he’s struggling to hear from God, there’s nothing wrong with giving him a little extra time (Galatians 6:2). However, if he’s just too spiritually immature and constantly questioning what God is saying, he’s best to move on and accept that this man is not ready to lead as he should.

5. A Man Will Act Inconsistent When Your and His Expectations Are Very Different 

He might feel that it is okay to go on a date and then not call you for a few days. You might feel a man should call you the next day after a date if he wants to keep pursuing you. He might feel it’s okay to go 24 hours before responding to your text. You might feel that is rude texting etiquette. He might feel he only needs to verbally express interest in you once. You might feel like regular verbal interest is needed to keep the relationship healthy.

Sometimes it’s all a matter of perception. In his mind, he might not be acting inconsistent. In your mind, he is definitely acting inconsistent. The solution to a mismatch in expectations is communication. He might not know how his actions are making you feel. A good man will compromise with you so you both feel good about the relationship (Philippians 2:4).