Are you being too judgmental? Are your standards too high? Will you always be single if you don’t compromise on your spiritual requirements for a spouse?
Or are you being too risky by giving someone a chance who is showing signs of immaturity? Are you ignoring God’s command to guard your heart because you are trying to be too nice to people that you should just reject?
There are some red flags that are easy for us to spot: Rejecting the truth about Jesus, for example, means you should not date this person. However, sometimes there are less obvious issues, but which are still red flags.
Here are 5 red flags God will often point out to you when someone is too spiritually immature to date you.
1. If They Are Using Absolutes When Referring to How They Heard God About This Relationship, They Might Be Too Immature to Date
While it is a good sign when someone talks about how they are trying to follow the Lord’s leading, it can actually be a sign of spiritual immaturity when this person does not leave room for the possibility of mishearing God.
For example, if they say something like, “God told me we would get married one day,” and you barely know this person, this absolute language is actually a sign of immaturity. If they say, “God gave me a dream and now I know we should date,” here again we should have some concern.
I’m not saying God can’t speak to you personally about “the one” or give you a dream to help you realize you should date someone. But it’s immature to put absolute trust in these forms of hearing God without leaving any room for the possibility that your interpretation could be incorrect.
If reality does not match what you feel God said, it means you misheard God because God never lies (Hebrews 6:18). If this person already knew the future, this would not be a sign of great faith but rather a sign of not needing faith at all. Since God leads us by faith, he rarely reveals the future (Hebrews 11:1).
2. If They Have No Idea How to Hear God About This Relationship with You, They Might Be Too Immature to Date
The only form of hearing God that is infallible is reading the Scriptures.
I am not saying people should only read the Bible and not look for personal leading from God. However, I am saying a mature Christian puts more weight in the word of God compared to what they feel like God is saying to them personally.
A mature Christian will have a balance of being totally dependent on the perfect Scriptures (Psalm 19:11) while also seeking the Holy Spirit’s personal leading in their life (Philippians 4:6-7).
3. If They Are Willing to Date You Regardless of Your Theological Beliefs, They Are Too Immature to Date
Acceptance is a double-edged sword. In other words, accepting other people for who they are is a sign of maturity. However, when you don’t have any boundaries for your relationships and you fully accept someone into your life regardless of their core beliefs, this leads to heartache.
Therefore, if someone is too eager to be with you and willing to date you regardless of how different your theological beliefs are, this is actually a sign their beliefs are not that important to them. A mature Christian, however, will always put their beliefs and core convictions over their personal feelings.
To be mature, you don’t have to reject every romantic option unless they believe the exact same things as you on every theological topic. However, when it comes to the core issues of what make someone a true Christian, you do need to see eye to eye (2 Corinthians 6:14, 1 Corinthians 7:39).
Related Article: How to Handle Theological Differences in Dating and Marriage
4. If They Don’t Have Sexual Boundaries Between Dating and Marriage, They Are Too Immature to Date
While many Christians lament the fact that almost everyone now days requires sex before marriage, you can actually use this unhappy realty to your advantage.
You are looking for “the one.” Thus, it is actually a great benefit when you can narrow your options in a dramatic way. If you know you want to marry a spiritually mature person and you know wanting premarital sex is a sign of immaturity, you now have a quick test to instantly weed out people who are obviously too immature to date.
As 1 Corinthians 6:18 clearly states, “Flee from sexual immorality.”
5. If They Don’t Prioritize Regularly Connecting with God Through Prayer and Bible Study, They Might Be Too Immature to Date
What will always be present in someone who has a healthy relationship with God is regular Bible study and prayer.
Personally, I believe this should be a daily practice. However, I’m using the phrase “regular Bible study and prayer” because I don’t want to be legalistic. I accept that all of our walks with God are going to look a little different. With that said, it’s impossible to be a true Christian who is maturing in the Lord if you are ignoring prayer and Scripture (Psalm 119:15-16, 1 Peter 2:2, 1 Thessalonians 5:17, 2 Timothy 3:16-17).
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