5 Not So Obvious Signs a Man Can’t Be Trusted

James 2:2-4

Some signs are obvious that a man is not trustworthy: not doing what he says, pushing your moral standards, saying what he knows you want him to say, etcetera.

So in this article, I am going to cover 5 lesser talked about signs that mean you should not trust a man.

1. Asking Intimate Questions Without Answering Intimate Questions

It’s not bad to be guarded (Proverbs 4:23), especially early in the relationship. In fact, it’s actually a sign a man is trustworthy if he is being careful not to lead the conversation into realms that could prematurely awaken passionate feelings for one another (Song of Solomon 8:4).

However, some men will try to guard their own hearts while also wanting the woman to open up to them. They will want to know about your past relationships without giving you the same type of information about their past relationships. They will want to know about your future plans without telling you about their future plans. They will pick and prod to find out how you feel about them, but they will not express how they feel about you.

Jesus said, “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets” (Matthew 7:12).

2. Going Through Your Personal Things to Find Evidence of Deceit

Does he constantly peak over your shoulder when you are texting? Does he make excuses so he feels like he has a reason to rummage through your purse? Does he walk around your house in a way that makes you feel like he’s looking for something to incriminate you?

If a man doesn’t trust you, he shouldn’t be with you. When we need to prove our innocence to each other, we are creating a toxic environment that will make it impossible for true love to grow.

When a man goes through your personal things to find evidence for your trustworthiness or lack of trustworthiness, ironically, he is showing you that he’s the one who is not worthy of your trust. I’m not saying he’s lying to you about something. Rather, I’m saying he is the type of guy who will hurt you because he won’t ever trust you. No matter what you do, his fear of betrayal will always be there no matter how much you open up to him. It’s a fear that has nothing to do with you. It’s in him (Matthew 15:19).

People can heal from past trauma and learn to trust again; but if he thinks constantly checking up on you is the way to ease his fears of being hurt, he’s not a man you can trust with your heart.

3. If He Treats Women Differently Based Upon Their Looks

I’m not saying it’s wrong for a man to pursue a godly woman because he’s also attracted to her. I’m talking about how he treats women in general. Does he put on the charm when he finds a woman attractive while being rude to women he doesn’t find attractive?

Even if he finds you attractive and thus is treating you kindly, his pattern of treating people differently based upon their looks is a sign he lacks godly character (James 2:2-4). A godly man will try to treat all women with respect (1 Timothy 5:1-2).

4. If He Publicly Puts You Down to Lift Himself Up

Are you always the butt of his jokes? Does he have a knack for telling embarrassing stories about you when he’s searching for dinner conversation with friends? Does he publicly shame you when something goes wrong to make sure everyone knows it wasn’t his fault?

Even if you do a make a mistake, a good man is going to try to ease your burden in public and not add to it. He’s going to try to be a buffer between you and the judgmental pressures of the world; he should not be the one adding to those pressures.

Provers 15:4, “A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.”

5. If He Asks for Honesty But Then Can’t Handle the Truth

I was recently in the dressing room at a department store trying on some new jeans. In the stall next to me was a couple shopping for the man.

The man asked, “How does this look?”

“It looks okay,” the woman responded.

“But do you like it?” he asked.

“I don’t know. It’s okay,” she said.

“Look,” the man continued, “I want to know what you think of this. I’m asking your opinion so I know if I should buy it or not.”

“It doesn’t look that good,” she said.

“Great. Thank you. That’s all I wanted you to say.” From the tone of this statement, it felt like this man’s feelings were hurt.

I’m not saying you should reject a man just because he gets a little defensive when you don’t like his outfit. But if this type of thing is a regular pattern, where he asks for your opinion but then gets mad when you don’t say what he was hoping to hear, this is a sign he’s not trustworthy.

He’s untrustworthy because he doesn’t mean what he says (Ephesians 4:15). He says he wants to know what you think but actually he just wants you to agree with him.  A man like this will punish you in passive aggressive ways to try to train you into praising him in a way that make him feel like you really mean it.