I’ve talked in the past about how to be less awkward around the opposite sex. In this article, however, I want to dive deeper into reasons why you may be fearing someone you like. While I won’t be focusing a lot on the solutions to these fears, the first way to overcome fear is to figure out its source.
So here are 4 reasons people often fear the person they like.
You Fear the Person You Like Because You Are Asking Them, “Am I Worth Being Loved?”
One of the main reasons people fear the opposite sex, especially someone that they like, is because deep down our desire for this person is rooted in our desire to be loved. God made each of us with a need to be loved by him and other people.
Whenever you are unsure if you are loved, you will grow fearful. 1 John 4:18 states, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” If you are afraid of someone, it means you doubt their love for you.
So the reason you fear someone you like is because you are asking them a question in your heart that you should not be asking them yet, “Am I worth being loved?” When you subconsciously ask this deep question about your own value to the opposite sex, you will feel unloved and thus be afraid.
The only solution is to not ask this question of people who do not deserve to have that power in your life yet. Ultimately, you must ask this question to God, “Am I worth being loved?” When you hear him answer “Yes,” your fear will vanish.
You Fear the Person You Like Because You Fear Your Expectations Might Not Be Met
Another source of fear is unmet expectations and hopes. When you put your hope in a relationship, you will have fear that this hope will not happen.
Have you ever told a child about an exciting vacation trip too soon? Many parents have learned that if they tell their children too soon, that child will bug them and complain because they want to go so badly. The child now has expectations that he didn’t formally have, therefore he now has anxiety about this expectation that he didn’t formally have.
When we build up a hope for the future regarding a relationship, we will have anxiety and fear about that expectation not coming true.
You Fear the Person You Like Because You Are Thinking Too Much
Very similar to the fear of unmet expectations is the fear that comes from thinking too much about a certain situation. When we over analyze every possibility of the things that could happen, we end up getting frozen in fear.
Paralysis by analysis is a real thing. When we dwell on every possible outcome in the future, we often get stuck and never move forward to experiencing anything new. By simply experiencing each moment and walking with God in the present, we will have the peace we need to accomplish his will for us. Jesus stated in Luke 12:11-12:
And when they bring you before the synagogues and the rulers and the authorities, do not be anxious about how you should defend yourself or what you should say, for the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say.”
Jesus is pointing out that anxiety is rooted in worrying about the unknowns in the future. So one reason you may fear someone you like is because you are thinking too much about every possible situation that could happen when you do interact with this person. To overcome this fear, you must learn to rely on Christ and just live for him in each moment.
Don’ try to act in a certain way that will produce a certain result that you want. Rather, seek to be honest, true, and live for Christ in every situation. If your relationship progresses with this person, great. If it doesn’t, at least you know you are not manipulating the situation and forcing something that God is not supporting.
You Fear the Person You Like Because We All Fear the Unknown
In summary, one of the main sources of fear is the unknown. Humans fear what we can’t control and we can’t control what we don’t know. The only true solution, therefore, to fearing the unknown is faith. Your only two options when dealing with what you cannot see is fear or faith. Hebrews 11:8-9 states:
By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going. By faith he went to live in the land of promise . . .”
Abraham was able to follow God into the unknown because he had faith. While this truth should shape far more than the fear of someone you like, this truth can help you in this area. I’m not saying you should have faith that everything will work out the way you want. Rather, to overcome the fear of the unknowns with this person you like, you must have faith in God, that he knows what’s best for you and will open and close doors because he loves you.
You may not know what will happen, but when you have faith in God you need not fear.
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