“Breadcrumbing” is a modern term used to describe the manipulative actions of a person who gives someone just enough romantic attention to keep them interested but not enough to keep them satisfied.
Of course the Bible doesn’t use this phrase, but Scripture does provide us with many principles which can help us identify and deal with manipulative people.
Therefore, here are 4 signs God will show you when someone is breadcrumbing you.
1. God Is Warning You About a Breadcrumber If This Person Lives in Your Mind in an Imbalanced Way Compared to How Much Attention They Give You in Real Life
Do they ignore your text until you stop sending them? Do they only act interested when you stop acting interested? When you regain interest, does this person’s attention fade?
This type of person could be trying to keep you as their plan B. They don’t want to lose you as an option, but they don’t see you as their first option either.
Someone who was actually interested in you would be interested in you when you are interested in them, not the other way around. If they only act interested when you don’t act interested, they are just trying to string you along.
Just as people can claim to love God but really do not, we must apply the same tests that God applies, “They profess to know God, but they deny him by their works. They are detestable, disobedient, unfit for any good work” (Titus 1:16). Anyone can say they love God, but their actions are the evidence for the truth.
Likewise, if someone is breadcrumbing you, you have to stop listening to their words and start looking at their actions.
2. If They Practice the Manipulative Art of Saying Yes and No at the Same Time, God May Be Warning You About a Breadcrumber
Like a politician who has learned the art of giving an answer without really saying anything meaningful, a breadcrumber will do the same thing to you.
When you ask them direct questions about themselves, about going on a date, or about the relationship itself, they will give you an answer that requires you to interpret their words. The problem with this is that we often interpret someone’s vague answer in the way that we hope they meant it.
If someone gives you a non-answer, don’t see this with a “glass half full” mentality. Rather, see it as a negative, because it is a negative. Sure, they didn’t say no, but they didn’t say yes either. Don’t get excited about a “maybe.” God wants you in a relationship with someone who will say yes, not maybe. It’s not a sign of godliness if someone can’t give you a straight answer. As Paul said in 2 Corinthians 1:17-18, which states:
Was I vacillating when I wanted to do this? Do I make my plans according to the flesh, ready to say ‘Yes, yes’ and ‘No, no’ at the same time? As surely as God is faithful, our word to you has not been Yes and No.”
3. If They Consistently Give You Excuses About Why They Could Not Do What They Said They Would Do, God Could Be Warning You About a Breadcrumber
“I’m really sorry to do this, but I have to cancel. I thought I could make it but I forgot it was my sister’s birthday party today.”
“Hey, sorry I didn’t text you back these last few weeks. I just needed to get right with the Lord. How have you been?”
“I’ve been really busy at work. Things are calming down now so I should have more time to hangout. What are you doing?”
For a normal person who’s not playing games, things like this happen a few times a year. Every now and then an honest person will double-book themselves or simply forget to text you back. If someone is doing this type of thing weekly or monthly, something else is going on. They’re probably breadcrumbing you.
Proverbs 22:13, “The sluggard says, ‘There is a lion outside! I shall be killed in the streets!’” In other word, “No, there is no lion outside. You’re just a lazy person who doesn’t want to go to work.”
Whatever excuses they give you, just remember these are still excuses. Do you want to be with someone who needs to make excuses all the time or do you want to be with a normal person who can just do what they say? It’s really not that complicated to do what you say. If someone can’t act in adult ways, they are not ready for an adult relationship.
4. If They Are Trying to Stay Connected While Also Trying to Keep Their Distance, God Is Showing You This Person Is Breadcrumbing You
The breadcrumber has two opposing goals. They don’t want to be with you but they also don’t want to lose you. They want your attention but they don’t want to give you attention. They want you to think about them but they don’t want to think about you.
Don’t settle. Love is not easy but it is simple. Love is hard to do but it’s not hard to see. If someone is keeping their distance, they don’t love you. This might sting, but it’s simple to see. Don’t let your hopes blind you to reality.
When God reveals the right person to you, there will be no manipulative games going on like breadcrumbing. They will want to talk to you, spend time with you, and actually be in a relationship with you (Genesis 2:18, 24).
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