5 Better Ways to Draw a Man to You Instead of Chasing Him

Song of Solomon 2:1-5

Song of Solomon 2:1-5

Chasing a man never works. Instead of it making the man want you more, chasing will actually make him want you less.

Therefore, by studying Song of Solomon 2:1-5, we can see five better ways to draw a man to you instead of chasing him.

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1. Instead of Chasing a Man, Know Your Own Worth and Let Him See Your True Self

Song of Solomon 2:1, “I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys.”

This woman knew her value. She had a strong identity. Her beauty was obvious to Solomon because it was obvious to herself. She wasn’t being prideful or vain. She wasn’t comparing herself to other women in a judgmental or superior way. Rather, she knew who she was.

When you chase a man, it to communicates a lack of self-worth to this man. If you have a low view of yourself and you think you lack value, you will attract men who want to exploit this weakness in you for their own selfish reasons.

However, when you know you are God’s beautiful daughter, your light will shine and the man God has for you will be drawn to you.

2. Instead of Chasing a Man, Treat Him Differently Than Other Women Treat Him

Song of Solomon 2:2 (NIV), “Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the young women.”

As we just discussed in point 1, Solomon was able to see this woman’s true beauty because she allowed him to see her true beauty. This is a very vulnerable thing to do.

Most women hide themselves from a man because they are so afraid of getting rejected. Their identity is not secure in Christ and they are looking to a man to validate them. Since they are allowing a man to be the report card on them, they avoid failing by never taking the test.

The solution is to reject the lie that this man is the test. Don’t go to a man to find your identity and value. Rather, go to a man and offer your value to him. Let him see you. Don’t hide like most women do. If he’s the right man God has for you, when he sees the truth about you, he will see your value and desire you more than he desires other women. 

3. Instead of Chasing a Man, Treat Him Differently Than You Treat Other Men

Song of Solomon 2:3, “As an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. With great delight I sat in his shadow, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.”

As we discussed in point 2, many women hide from men because they are trying to find their identity in a man. Eventually the desire for a relationship becomes too strong and these women do open up to a man, hoping that he will be the one to make them feel loved.

However, since they don’t know their own value and they are asking men to make them feel loved, they start chasing the men they open up to. When you feel a man is the report card on you, you will refuse to fail and you will keep trying again and again to win this man.

The woman in Song of Solomon did not do that. She was able to wait for the right man and draw him to her. And because she was not chasing other men, this made Solomon want her even more.

4. Instead of Chasing a Man, Follow Him When He Leads

Song of Solomon 2:4 (NLT), “He escorts me to the banquet hall; it’s obvious how much he loves me.”

Many women error in at least two ways. On one hand, they chase, which turns into leading the man. Instead of being inviting towards him in a feminine way that inspires his leadership, she is pushy and desperate which puts too much pressure on the man.

On the other hand, some women chase a man but then rebuff him once he responds and tries to lead. They do this because his pursuit does not match their expectations exactly. They want him to be the man of their dreams, thus they demand he do everything they dreamed about instead of allowing him to lead and following him.

Notice how this woman followed gladly and let the man lead. When the man showed obvious interest, she didn’t ruin it by micromanaging the situation and chasing a fantasy.

5. Instead of Chasing a Man, Let Him See the Effect He Has on You

Song of Solomon 2:5, (NLT), “Strengthen me with raisin cakes, refresh me with apples, for I am weak with love.”

Instead of chasing a man, just let him feel how much you appreciate him. When a man sees how happy he is making you, you won’t need to chase him. He will pursue you because he will love the way you make him feel. All men want to feel strong. When you allow him to see that he makes you feel happy, it makes him feel strong.

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