5 Biblical Things to Say to a Man If You Want Him to Pursue You

Here are 5 biblical things a woman should say when she wants a man to pursue her.

1. You Must Say What God Puts on Your Heart and Trust His Sovereign Ability to Produce the Results He Wants

While I will give you some specific phrases to use that will help a man know he should pursue you, the first thing we need to highlight is that God is the one who must take your words and produce the results he wants. A powerful example of this can be seen in Isaac and Rebekah’s origin story.

In Genesis 24, Abraham sends his servant on a journey to find his son, Isaac, a wife. On the journey, the servant prays to God for a sign, “Let the young woman to whom I shall say, ‘Please let down your jar that I may drink,’ and who shall say, ‘Drink, and I will water your camels’—let her be the one whom you have appointed for your servant Isaac. By this I shall know that you have shown steadfast love to my master” (Genesis 24:14).

This was an impossible test for Rebekah to pass on her own. How could she possibly know what she needed to say in order to be paired with the man God had for her? Thankfully, God was in control. She didn’t need to know what to say. God caused her to say the right thing. Genesis 24:17-20 explains:

“Then the servant ran to meet [Rebekah] and said, ‘Please give me a little water to drink from your jar.’ She said, ‘Drink, my lord.’ And she quickly let down her jar upon her hand and gave him a drink. When she had finished giving him a drink, she said, ‘I will draw water for your camels also, until they have finished drinking.’ So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough and ran again to the well to draw water, and she drew for all his camels.”

God put it on Rebekah’s heart to show extra kindness to this man. Likewise, when God puts something on your heart to say or do towards a man, obey him. You never know what the results could turn into.

2. You Must Say Something that Shows This Man He’s on the Right Track in His Pursuit of You

While Rebekah passed the test this servant prayed for so he could find Isaac the wife God had for him, the servant knew he needed more confirmation. Genesis 24:21 adds, “The man gazed at her in silence to learn whether the Lord had prospered his journey or not.”

The man felts he was on the right track. But there would need to be more signs that this was the right woman. Rebekah had to respond positively to the servant’s pursuit on Isaac’s behalf. When the servant asked more about her and if would be possible for him to stay at her family’s place, Rebekah said she was from Abraham’s family line and that they did indeed have space for this man to stay with him. The servant then knew he was definitely on the right track (Genesis 24:22-28).

Likewise, when a man is interacting with you, you have to say things that make him know he’s on the right track. If you don’t respond positively, he will assume he’s not pursuing the right woman God has for him.

3. If You Want a Man to Pursue You, Say Positive Things About Him to Other People

Many of the women who have reached out to me for advice about a man they like have expressed a deep terror of their feelings being made public, the man finding out how she feels through secondhand information, and the whole things falling apart before it even begins.

While it certainly is wise to avoid communicating through backchannels to let a man know that you like him, it’s also unwise to hide your feelings so intently that it is impossible for anyone to imagine you might have feelings for this man. When your community starts smiling and asking questions about you and a man you are interested in, that’s a good thing, not a bad thing. This can be added confirmation to you both that you are not just imagining romantic potential and that it is actually happening between you two.

Notice what Rebekah did after her interaction with the servant, “Then the young woman ran and told her mother’s household about these things” (Genesis 24:28). She also told her brother what happened. She said to him, “Thus the man spoke to me . . .”; her brother then went out and interacted with the servant himself (Genesis 24:29-31).

Likewise, use discernment and say positive things about this man to people you trust. When this man sees that you are saying good things about him, this will add to his desire to pursue you.

4. If You Want This Man to Pursue You, Say, “I will go.”

While all these amazing signs were wonderful confirmation to all involved, Rebekah still had the final say. Genesis 24:58 states, “And they called Rebekah and said to her, ‘Will you go with this man?’ She said, ‘I will go.’”

Likewise, if you want a man to pursue you, you must verbalize your acceptance of his pursuit. Say yes whenever you can. If you deny his requests too often when he attempts to spend time with you or talk to you, he’s going to assume you don’t like him.

5. If You Want a Man to Pursue You, Ask Questions About Him

Once Rebekah left her home with the servant and drew near to her new home, she saw a man in the distance. Genesis 24:64-65 states, “And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she dismounted from the camel and said to the servant, ‘Who is that man, walking in the field to meet us?’ The servant said, ‘It is my master.’”

In a symbolic way, you want to do the same thing. When you ask questions about this man, it shows him that you are interested. It shows him you want to get know him, and then this encourages him that you may like him like he likes you.

So if you want him to pursue, ask him questions so he knows you want to get know him.

Here’s a playlist of videos from a series I did through the book of Ruth: Relationship Advice from the Book of Ruth.