Are you wondering if this person likes you, if you should wait for them, or if you two will date one day? At some point, we all need God’s leading about a relationship situation.
By applying Romans 12:2, we can see 5 things God wants you to do so he can give you discernment about someone.
1. To Receive Discernment from God About Someone, You Must Reject the World’s Way of Operating in Relationships
Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
Discernment is the ability to know what to do even when the situation is confusing and unclear. Everything we are told do in Romans 12:2 is meant to help us get discernment. This verse starts with what we should not do if we want discernment; we must first “not be conformed to this world.”
God’s path and the world’s path are always going in two different directions. To know God’s way, you must always be rejecting the world’s way.
When we apply this principle to relationships, this means you must reject everything sinful and unbiblical if you want God’s clarity about a relationship. You won’t know God’s will if you are sinning sexually with someone. You won’t know God’s will if you are rejecting his laws about being unequally yoked. You won’t know God’s will if you are listening to worldly counselors.
Jeremiah 5:25-26, “Your iniquities have turned these away, and your sins have kept good from you. For wicked men are found among my people; they lurk like fowlers lying in wait. They set a trap; they catch men.”
2. To Receive Discernment from God About Someone, You Must Think Biblically
Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
While the Bible does tell us what not to do, it never stops there. It’s not enough to avoid the bad. You must also pursue the good (Romans 12:21). Thus, after the Scriptures forbid something, they always then command something better.
In Romans 12:2, we are told to “be transformed by the renewal of your mind.” This is telling us to reject worldly lies and replace them with biblical truth. When you think like the world, you act like the world. When you think biblically, you start acting biblically.
When we apply this principle to relationships, this means you will gain information about the person in question by seeing how the Scriptures describe this person. Is this person described by the works of the flesh in Galatians 5:19-21 or are they described the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23? Is this person described by what the Bible says about hate (1 John 2:15-17) or love (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)? Do they follow the Bible’s commands about sex or do they follow their sinful lusts (1 Corinthians 6:12-20)?
By applying what the Bible says to your questions about this person, God will give you discernment (Hebrews 4:12-13).
3. To Receive Discernment from God About Someone, You Must Use the Method of “Testing”
Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
When people come to God with their questions, they usually expect an instant answer. When the answer does not come instantly, they often just walk away and conclude, “God isn’t listening to me. He can’t help me.”
God will give you the answers you seek, but you have to use the methods God tells you to use. Romans 12:2 states “that by testing you may discern what is the will of God.” It doesn’t say “by endlessly waiting you will discern the will of God.” It doesn’t even say “by endlessly praying you will discern the will of God.” It says “by testing you may discern what is the will of God.”
Yes, waiting is biblical. Yes, prayer is essential. But eventually you have to put your hands on the situation in reality and feel what is true. You have to get out there and actually live your life. You have to hear people say things, watch people do things, and try to build a connection with them. Only when you get real evidence about someone can you then make conclusions based upon that evidence.
If you were a scientist and your job was to “test” what minerals were in the soil, you could not do this by thinking about the soil at home, reading what others have said, and looking at it from a distance. You actually have to go examine the soil, take samples, and actually test them physically.
Likewise, when you sit at home wondering what might be true about a person, you are just guessing. The “testing” in Romans 12:2 is when you gather real information so you can then assess this information biblically.
Hebrews 5:14 says, “But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.” Solid food is a reference to the word of God. But the practice mentioned here is not just about reading the Bible. Rather, it’s about reading the Bible and then applying those truths to the circumstances of life. When you constantly practice this, your powers of discernment will increase.
4. To Receive Discernment from God About Someone, You Must Believe There Is Such a Thing as “the will of God”
Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
If you think God is in heaven just waiting for you to tell him what to do, you are mistaken. When we pray, we often have the mindset of holding a genie in a bottle, “Grant us our wish oh great and powerful genie!”
God certainly does listen to our request. He wants us to ask him for the things we need. However, God will only give you what is in his will to give you (1 John 5:14). Thus, prayer is less about us conforming God to our will and it is more about us being conformed to God’s will.
When we apply this to relationships, this means we should spend less time praying that God would do this or that thing that we really want from him. Rather, we should spend more time praying that we would have the knowledge and strength to do what is God is telling us to do.
People often get very confused because at the heart of their confusion is not, “Lord, what is your will?” but rather, “Lord, how can I get you do my will?” When your main focus is getting God to do what you want rather than trying to do what it is that God wants, you will remain very confused.
However, when you focus less on getting God to do your will and you focus more on finding and following God’s will, he will give you the direction you are seeking. As Jesus taught us to pray, “Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:10).
5. To Receive Discernment from God About Someone, You Must Prioritize “what is good and acceptable and perfect”
Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
So how will you be able to recognize God’s will so you can follow it? God’s will is always marked by certain qualities, “what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
If a relationship is causing you to do bad things, it’s not God’s will. If someone is acting unacceptably towards you, it’s not God’s will. If this relationship situation is marked by the world’s way rather than God’s perfect word, it’s not God’s will.
Related Content: Here is a playlist of past videos I’ve created called 3 Ways God Will Reveal The One to You.