No one wants to hear that dreaded phase, “It’s complicated.” In our hearts, we wonder, “Why does it need to be this difficult? Why won’t God just tell me what to do?”
While God will lead you to do what he wants you to do, the process of finding God’s answer about a certain person is not always fast and easy. In fact, the complications that occur are often used by God to give you the very answers you are seeking.
Therefore, when God reveals “your person” (meaning, the person he wants you to marry), here are 5 complicated things that he often allows to happen so he can use them for your good.
1. You Will Have to Decide If the Risk of Romance Is Worth Forever Ruining the Friendship
Many marriages are formed when two friends decide to date. However, perhaps what happens more often is that two friends decided to date, it doesn’t work out, and then the friendship is never the same. So how can you know if risking the friendship is worth it?
In my view of relationships, risking the friendship is almost always worth it if you feel there is a chance to have something more with this person. When you take a step back, the real reason you are so worried about ruining the friendship is because you already care about this person so much. But if you care about this person so much that you are afraid of ruining the friendship, this also means you will never be content with just being friends anyways.
In instances like this, the only wise thing to do is to try to become something more with this person. Even if things don’t work out, you can now live with yourself because you know you gave it a try.
When God is revealing your person, when you take that risk to be something more, it will work out and you two will not need to part ways. Proverbs 18:24 states, “. . . there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” When this friend becomes your spouse, you are doubly blessed by this person.
2. You Will Have to Decide If You Are Settling or Simply Accepting Someone for Who They Are So You Can Enjoy Them
One reason so many people remain single for longer than they want is that they confuse “settling” with “accepting.” Settling is bad but accepting is good.
Accepting someone for who they are frees you to enjoy them. If you have a very specific type of person outlined in your mind, in a way this makes it much harder to actually get into a healthy relationship with someone that you enjoy. It’s harder to meet someone who has what you imagined rather than meeting someone and accepting them for who they are.
There must be some biblical requirements you need to see in someone before you date them, but if your list of requirements is too long and too subjective, this is no longer a list of requirements but rather it’s a list of barriers blocking you from marriage.
Settling, however, is when you know you are unhappy with this person but you choose to remain because you are afraid this is the best you can do. Never settle. If this fear is what is motivating you to be with this person, this is not the person God wants for you.
When you read 1 Corinthians 7:36-37, you see that there must be a strong desire to get married when God is truly revealing your person. You will have to accept this person for who they are, but you won’t have to settle when you’ve truly met the one.
3. You Will Have to Decide If Giving Up Other Parts of Your Life Is Worth It for This Relationship
1 Corinthians 7:33-34 states,
But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.”
This passage does not mean all people should remain single. Throughout 1 Corinthians 7, Paul gives multiple reasons why many people are called to marriage and not singleness (1 Corinthians 7:2, 7, 9, 36).
This passage also does not mean getting married requires us to love and serve God less. Paul tells married people that their devotion to the Lord needs to be just as pure and passionate as it would be if they were to remain single (1 Corinthians 7:29).
However, this passage does highlight the sacrifices that will be required for those of us who do feel called to get married. You won’t get to do everything you could do if you remained single.
When God leads you to your person, you will know the sacrifices are worth it.
4. You Will Have to Decide If the Problems You Face Together Are Positive or Negative Signs
We often have an oversimplified view of relationship and say, “If there are problems in the relationship, this must not be the one for me. I’ll know I’ve met my person when we don’t have any issues together.”
Hebrews 12:11 states, “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”
A mature view of relationships doesn’t just look to see if there are problems but rather it looks at the effect these problems are having. If the problems are tearing you down, revealing character issues that are not being repented of, and pushing you two further and further apart, these are signs this is not your person.
When you have found your person, the problems you face will be used to expose issues that you two will want to fix, the problems will deepen your characters as you both repent of sin, and the problems will push you two closer together rather than further apart.
5. You Will Have to Decide If You Are Willing to Say No to All Other Romantic Options for the Rest of Your Life
If you are still thinking to yourself, “I wonder if there is someone better out there for me?”, you have not met your person. Maybe this person will become “your person,” but you should not assume they are the one if you are still wondering if there is someone better out there for you.
This can be a complicated process, so take it slow. Don’t expect to want to marry someone after the first few dates. Over time, however, when God is revealing your person, you will know you are willing to say no to everyone else so you and this person can say yes to each other (Mark 10:7-9).
Related Article: 5 Uncomfortable Things that Happen When God Reveals Your Person