Philippians 2:14
Godly, feminine women are attracted to godly, masculine men. If you want to be with a beautiful Christian woman, the more feminine you act, the less likely your desire will be fulfilled.
Therefore, here are 5 signs you may be unknowingly projecting a feminine vibe and making yourself less desirable to beautiful Christian women.
1. You Are Projecting a Feminine Vibe If You Are Talking About Your Problems Too Much
Many a husband has been fooled when his wife starts talking about her problems and then he interprets this as an invitation to help solve these problems. He reasons, “If she’s telling me about her issues, she must be asking for my help.” Wrong. So wrong.
In most cases, a wife will not want her husband to try to fix the issues she’s telling him about. Rather, she wants to just tell him so that he knows what she’s going through. A woman feels loved through feeling known. Talking to a man who listens is essential for her because if she feels like he doesn’t know what’s happening in her life, she will feel unloved and disconnected from her.
Big picture, a husband wants his wife to know his issues too. But day to day, it’s usually a lot different for a man. Most men have the healthy gift of being able to compartmentalize things differently than most women. A man can have issues at work and then leave them at work. In fact, to talk about work issues at home with his wife can stress him out more rather than release his stress because this contaminates his home. He wants his homelife to be separate from work, whereas women tend to try to blend it all together.
All that to say, if you’ve fallen into the feminine trap that women actually want to hear about all your daily problems, the woman in your life will start to see you in a more feminine light. She may think she wants to hear about all your little problems, but really she doesn’t. She wants you to be a fixer, a doer, a problem solver. In the end, when a man overshares about his problems too much, it comes off as whiny and as complaining.
Is this more of my opinion than a biblical principle? Yes, probably so. So take it with a grain of salt. But overall, when you read about godly, strong men in the Bible, I don’t see lots of talking but I do see lots of doing.
Proverbs 14:23, “In all toil there is profit, but mere talk tends only to poverty.”
2. If You Are Valuing Your Friendships Over Your Career, You Will Be Seen in a Feminine Light
Yes, I know this is an unpopular opinion. Churches across America have raised a generation of Christians to believe men need friendships just as much as women need friendships. The truth is, they don’t. Men and women both need friendships, but not in the same way. This is equal to the lie that a woman’s career is just as important to her as a man’s career is to him. This too is not true. A woman can value a career and be a healthy Christian woman. But once she has kids, her priorities always change.
When a man has kids, he usually focuses more on his career and less on his friends. When a woman has kids, she usually focuses less on her career and more on building her overall community for her and her kids.
Why does this happen? It happens because God gave men and women different roles. A man is called to provide for his family and a woman is called to manage her household. Titus 2:3-5 states:
[Older women] are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”
I’m not saying friendships are not important for men. I’m just saying that as a man, your work needs to come first in practical ways. Don’t slack so you can hangout more with friends. That’s childish.
A lot more could be said here, but the point I’m making is that if you’re a man who is so involved socially that you are slacking professionally, a woman will not see you as a strong man.
3. If You’re Too Concerned with Your Physical Appearance, Women Will See You as Feminine
I’m not saying it’s okay for women to be too concerned with their physical appearance either. But a woman’s relationship with her body image is different to a man’s relationship with his own body image. Notice how Peter addressed the issue of vanity with women in 1 Peter 3:1-6 and not with men. This is not to say that these truths don’t apply to men, but more so Peter probably saw more women struggling with this issue and thus he addressed these comments specifically to them. Men, for example, often struggle with harshness and anger more than most women, and thus Peter addressed that issue with them in 1 Peter 3:7.
Additionally, men are more visually wired than women. And so, women often seek to attract a man through making sure they are expressing their inner beauty through their external appearance too. So when a man spends too much time on his physical appearance, women often interpret this as feminine because they relate too much to what the man is doing.
Women are attracted to the men they don’t relate to in a feminine way because their femininity is so vastly different than his masculinity.
4. If You Need Too Much Encouragement from Her to Pursue Her, You Will Be Seen as Too Feminine
If you’ve been reading my content for a while, you know I’m a big believer in women doing more than just waiting to be found by a man. I believe a man should pursue but I also believe a woman should invite the man to pursue, encourage him to pursue more once he does pursue, and match his level of interest when he shows interest.
So I’m certainly not saying it’s wrong for a man to need a little encouragement from a woman. Some women are so defensive these days, oftentimes men are afraid to pursue because we don’t want to be seen as creepy. It’s good for her to send some signs that she is interested in you.
However, in the end, it is the man’s job to pursue (Genesis 2:24) and risk rejection. If you need her to keep reassuring you, to keep inviting you to pursue her, and to keep initiating everything – eventually she will tire of this and conclude you are not a very masculine man.
If you need her to pursue you, she will see you as feminine and not like you.
5. If You’re Not Willing to Sacrifice for Those You Want to Lead, You Are Being Too Feminine Because You’re Not Really Leading
Men go to battle so the woman can live. When the ship is sinking, the men give up their seats on the life rafts for the women and children (although I’m not sure why they don’t just make sure there’s enough life rafts). When you’re walking on the sidewalk on a busy street, the man stands closer to the street. When someone tries to break into your home, the husband goes to address the threat and the wife goes to protect the children.
I’m not saying women don’t make sacrifices too. But God has called Christian men to lead their families, and biblical leadership involves the willingness to die for those you lead (Mark 10:42-45). If you’re a man who wants to lead but doesn’t want to sacrifice, you won’t be seen as a real man by real women because you won’t be a real leader.
