Here are 5 things the Lord will often lead you to give up before he will bless you with a godly marriage.
And I wanted to quickly let you know that there are only a few hours left to enroll in AGW University. These relationship training courses are not magic, but I do truly believe they have the potential to greatly transform the trajectory of your life if you put in the time and hard work that is required. If you enroll before 11:59pm tonight, you get lifetimes access to all these relationship courses, free access to my newest course about online dating, 3 months of bonus email coaching with me, lifetime access to the private Facebook group which has over 420 other students in it currently, and the $50 scholarship. Feel free to click here to learn more before the deadline passes by.
1. If You Desire a Godly Marriage One Day, God Is Telling You to Give Up Your Perception of Control Over Your Life
I specifically used the phrase “perception of control” because ultimately God is control whether you believe that or not. All we are doing when we think we are the ones in ultimate control of our own lives is missing out on the peace God wants us to have as we follow him in our lives.
People often reject the idea of God’s sovereignty because it makes them feel like they are just passive viewers of a life already predetermined for them. But nowhere in the Bible is idea presented to us. Rather, every time the sovereignty of God is taught to us in the Bible, the intended effect is supposed to be more faith and trust on our end. Notice what it says in Psalm 32:8-10. It states:
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding, which must be curbed with bit and bridle, or it will not stay near you. Many are the sorrows of the wicked, but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord.”
There’s such balance here. God is sovereign but he does not treat us like robots. He instructs and teaches us in the way we should go. In his sovereignty he is always watching us; but not to control us but rather to offer counsel. Therefore, God tells us to listen to him willingly because one way or other he will get us to where he wants us. We can either listen like obedient children or be pulled along like a mule, but God is sovereign and will do what he wants. When we reject God’s power and act wickedly, we suffer sorrows. But when we listen and follow the Lord, we will experience his steadfast love.
You are required to make choices, but if you want to meet the one God has for you in the most effective way possible rather than in the most ineffective way possible, you also have to fully embrace that God, not you, is ultimately in control of everything. We must give up our perceived control because he is worthy to be freely followed.
2. If You Desire a Godly Marriage One Day, the Lord Is Telling You to Give Up a God-Segmented Life
One of the issues the mega church mentality has created for Christians is that we start to think that our Christianity is only relevant if we are doing something at the mega church. The mega church creates opportunities for people to experience programs, games, groups, community, hobbies, and much else – all at the church. Rather than training Christians how to go out into their lives and be a witness to the world around them, the mega church mentality teaches Christians to just try to bring more people to the church so that church can do the work of witnessing to the world.
I’m certainly not saying that a church with a big building and thousands of people is a bad thing. I’m just saying that the mentality many of these churches promote (not all, but many) causes Christians to live segmented lives.
So rather than seeing their family, their friends, their work, their relationships, their hobbies, and everything else in their life as an opportunity to glorify God and be a witness to the world, they only put on their “Christian hat” when they go to the church building. This poor view of God and what it means to be a Christian will negatively affect you in countless ways, but it will also prevent you from getting into a godly relationship.
Why? Because you won’t see relationships as a category for God to be in. You will have your God and church box over to the side when you are living in your relationship box. So rather than segmenting God to just your church box, God wants to be first in all areas of our lives. He wants you to use your relationships to bring glory to him.
As Jesus said in Luke 14:33, “So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple.” This does not mean Jesus wants us all to live in a convent doing nothing but praying all day. But it does mean that every nook and cranny of your life needs to be fully God-centered if you want to be a follower of Jesus Christ. This certainly includes your search for a spouse.
So if you want to experience a godly life, which includes your relationships, you have to give up a God-segmented life and let the Lord have all of you.
3. If You Desire a Godly Marriage One Day, the Lord Is Telling You to Give Up a Life of Christian Isolation
Your walk with God must always be deeply personal but it must never be completely private. You must live for an audience of one but you must also realize God wants you to live out your faith in a community of other believers in the context of the watching world.
In regards to the importance of having a faith family, Hebrews 10:24-25 states, “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” In regards to living before the whole world as witnesses, Jesus said in Matthew 5:14, “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden.”
These truths are important for reasons that go beyond your desire for marriage, but in regards to relationships, obeying these commands is very important for both spiritual and practical reasons. Spiritually speaking, if you are living an isolated Christian life, you are more vulnerable to attacks from the devil and the temptations of other people. Practically speaking, however, if you live an isolated Christian life you will not have very many opportunities to meet other Christian singles. One of the surest ways to stay single for longer than you want is to limit your interactions with other Christians singles.
Connections that grow between singles is natural. The more time you spend around other people from the opposite sex who are single the more likely a connection will be built. God made men and women to connect in this way. So if you are isolated and not around other people, you are naturally going to be single because it obviously takes two to be in a relationship.
I know I’m making this sound easier than it is, but these are the facts. And isolated life leads to a life of singleness, which is fine if you want that but if you want to be married you have to meet more people.
In my AGW University courses called 10 Steps to Meet The One and The Effective Online Christian Dating Plan I get much more detailed on how to actually meet other eligible singles and how to form connections with them.
4. If You Desire a Godly Marriage One Day, the Lord Is Telling You to Give Up the Fear of Rejection and Failure
Fear is simply a relationship killer in every way. Not only will it cause you to act strange and not yourself when you get into a relationship, it will actually prevent you from ever getting into a relationship to begin with.
You cannot ever fully eliminate the possibility of rejection and pain in relationships. But you can start to minimize and lessen your fear of pain and rejections. You can’t always control what happens, but you can learn to control your response to what happens.
Only when we are rooted in Christ and know we are loved fully by God will we be able to live free as we interact with other people. 1 John 4:18 states, “. . . perfect love casts out fear.” God is the only one with perfect love. So only God can cause you to lose your fear of rejection and pain in relationships.
5. If You Desire a Godly Marriage One Day, the Lord Is Telling You to Give Up the Lie that You Need a Relationship to Be Happy
A healthy Christian marriage cannot be the source of happiness because to have a healthy Christian marriage you first need to be a healthy Christian. It takes two healthy Christian singles to form a healthy marriage together.
Ironically, when we go to a relationship to make us happy, we miss out on the joy that God wanted to give us through that relationship. It’s kind of like overloading the weight limit on a truck. A truck is meant to haul a lot of weight, but if you overload that truck you will break it and then won’t be able to haul anything. Likewise, God does intend for relationships to bring us joy; but if we ask too much of them, we actually end up ruining the relationship and missing out the joy that we could have had if we only asked an appropriate amount from that relationship.
God has no limits to the love he can give us. We have to let go of the lie that a relationship can fill us so we can embrace the truth that only God can truly satisfy our deepest longings. And when we do, we are then positioning ourselves to be blessed by God with a relationship in the way that God intended.
As Proverbs 18:22 states, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” A godly wife or a godly husband is “a good thing” but God still remains the primary best thing our hearts need most.
As I mentioned at the beginning of this article, the deadline to enroll in AGW University will close tonight in just a few hours at 11:59pm. I certainly cannot guarantee that if you enroll in AGW University that God will send you a spouse right away. These training courses are not magic and I would never want to mislead anyone by thinking I know a secret marriage formula.
However, what I can promise you is that if you are in a season of life where you are prepared to work hard and truly study what the word of God says about relationships, you will grow immensely by enrolling in AGW University. And while I would never claim to have a secret marriage formula, I have created a wise blueprint that you can follow to increase your chances of meeting the one God might have for you. I believe so much in the biblical information packed into these courses that I offer a 30-day money back guarantee for anyone not fully satisfied with their experience, no questions asked. Here’s what one my students said about her experience:
I feel so blessed by you and the training and instruction that I wouldn’t have otherwise received had I said, “No, not right now God” . . . . I am really going through a serious season of spiritual change and growth right now and I’m so grateful that God loves me enough to rebuke, correct and mold me in His love.” – Nafisah
If you enroll before the deadline, which is tonight at 11:59pm (EST), you will get all four relationship training courses, which is a total of 33 in-depth biblical classes. Each class has a video and the content is all in writing as well. In addition to lifetime access to these four courses designed specifically for Christian singles who want to know a biblical path for singleness and dating, you will also get lifetime access to the AGW University private Facebook group. This is where all the students can come together, share their struggles, make new friends, and learn from each other. This group has over 420 students in it thus far.
Also, if you enroll before the deadline I’m giving you three months of bonus email coaching with me for no additional tuition cost. This is where you can share your personal story with me and you and I can create an individualize plan just for you to help you follow the Lord’s leading in your life specifically.
The $50 scholarship and all the bonuses will expire at 11:59pm tonight.
Again, this is not a magical formula. Rather, this is an invitation to those of you who desire to go the next level and receive specialized relationship training that stems right from God’s word. Click here and you can see all the course content and all the other bonuses I haven’t even mentioned yet. I’ll see you over at AGW University. God bless!