Proverbs 9:8-9
Some women hate men just because they are men. So of course these women will never respect a man regardless of what he does or doesn’t do.
When it comes to looking for a spouse, these women are not our concern as Christian men. Rather, we want to focus on desirable Christian women who want to respect men.
While a godly woman can “be respectful” to any man because it’s in her character to do so, she will only “have respect” for men who do certain things. Christians, both men and women, are called to be respectful regardless if someone deserves it (Romans 13:7, Colossians 4:6, Matthew 5:39). But that is different than actually possessing respect and admiration for someone. You only possess respect when you see qualities in someone that you admire (1 Timothy 5:17, Proverbs 3:27).
Therefore, here are 5 things that make single women respect you as a man.
1. A Woman Respects a Man Who Doesn’t Tolerate Disrespect
You get what you tolerate. When you’re in a relationship with a woman, she comes into that relationship with the desire to respect you but without the knowledge about if she does respect you. In other words, she will have to test you to see whether or not she respects you.
Eventually, a woman will say something rude, pull away from you, or do something to challenge your strength. We are all sinful (Romans 3:23), so it’s impossible for her to always treat you perfectly. If you tolerate this, meaning you just overlook every offense without ever addressing it, she will lose respect for you (Matthew 18:15). I’m not saying you need to fight her and win. I’m saying you need to have enough strength that you address any disrespect she shows you, because that disrespect is not good for her or you.
You need to remain gentle, calm, and respectful yourself (Galatians 6:1). But if you want a woman to respect you, you need to confront her when you feel she has disrespected you in an intentional way or an ongoing unintentional way. Notice this principle seen when Paul was teaching Timothy on how to deal with disrespect:
Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.” (1 Timothy 4:12)
Just as Paul told Timothy to not tolerate disrespect from older people, because you get what you tolerate, the same principle also applies to men who desire respect from women.
And please note, I would give this same advice to women. Eventually a man will disrespect a woman too. We are all sinful. She too will get what she tolerates.
2. A Woman Respects a Man Who Will Change His Mind and Apologize When the Woman Shows Him that He Is Wrong
A lot of people think good leaders never make mistakes. This is false. A good leader is someone who tries not to make mistakes but is also willing to correct his wrongs, change course, and do better when he realizes he has erred.
Many men feel like a woman will lose respect for him if he admits he was wrong and that she was right. Actually the opposite is true. If you are willing to admit you were wrong when she clearly shows you were wrong, she will respect you more when you change your mind and apologize when needed. According to Proverbs 9:8-9, the mark of fool is being stubborn and the mark of a wise man is a willingness to receive correction when it’s accurate correction.
This will also help her trust you when you really feel you are right and she is wrong because you have shown her you are willing to admit when you’re wrong. If you can never admit when you’re wrong, you lose your ability to correct her because she won’t trust your perspective anymore.
3. A Woman Respects a Man Who Fulfills His Manly Duties that Don’t Relate to His Relationship with Her
Some guys treat a woman really well but they neglect the other parts of their lives. A woman eventually loses respect for a man like this because there’s more to a man than just how he treats a woman.
For example, if a man doesn’t honor his parents (Exodus 20:12), this is a turnoff to a woman. Of course this doesn’t mean he has to obey his parents as an adult or ignore abuse from his parents if they are unhealthy. But as a man, he has to still show honor because of the office they possess.
So a woman will respect a man who acts biblically masculine in all areas of his life, not just when she is watching.
4. A Woman Respects a Man Who Is Respected By Other Men
A mature woman will know that only a man knows what it takes to be a man, just like only a woman can know what it takes to be a woman.
Therefore, a woman is going to look to see how other men treat a man to know if he is a respectable guy. As it says of the Proverbs 31 woman’s husband, “Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land” (Proverbs 31:23)
5. A Woman Respects a Man Who Pursues Her and Risks Rejection, Especially When He’s Not Overly Anxious or Fearful About It
Men who don’t pursue are not respected by women. Even if she rejects the man, a good woman respects the guy who takes a chance and risks rejection.
Lastly, when a man pursues but he does so in a worrying, anxious way, this causes her to lose respect for him. She may feel bad for him, but his nervous energy makes her nervous. She wants to feel safe around a man, not nervous.
Deep down, women know a man is supposed to be strong (1 Corinthians 16:13). Therefore, women respect men who pursue, risk rejection, and do so in a way that is not full of fragility and anxiety.
If she senses your strength as a man is dependent on her making you feel strong by accepting your pursuit, she will reject you and not respect you. Rather, if she knows you are strong and your identity is dependent on Christ, not her response to your pursuit, she will respect you and is more likely to accept your pursuit of her.
