Romans 14:19
Here are 4 signs God is saying, “Don’t chase that person.”
1. If You Expressed Enough Romanic Interest for This Person to Get the Picture but They Are Remaining Still, God May Now Be Saying, “Don’t Chase Them”
Most Christians agree that it’s the man’s job to pursue. But hopefully you know that this doesn’t mean the woman gets to sit around and do nothing.
In most cases, the woman will need to simply respond in a clear way when the man does pursue so he knows he should keep pursuing. And sometimes, like Ruth, she must also let the man know she’s interested so that he feels released to pursue in the first place.
Either way, whether you are the man who is pursuing or you are the woman who is inviting the man to pursue, you must never begin to chase this person you are interested in.
Romans 14:19 says, “So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.”
While this verse is not about romance, we should apply it to all forms of relationships. When you’ve expressed enough interest for a normal person to get the picture, it’s not healthy for you to overdo it if things are not mutual.
For a relationship to work, this person must respond and make their own efforts as well.
2. If This Person Is Testing You in Inappropriate Ways that Are Not Sustainable, God May Now Be Saying, “Don’t Chase Them”
It’s not an automatic sign that someone is undatable if they have some insecurities that require you to go above and beyond to let them know you are serious about them. If you two have love for each other, you can overcome these types of barriers together and work through them (1 Peter 4:8).
However, there does come a point where they are needing an inappropriate amount of reassurance that is impossible for you to give them over a long period of time.
Perhaps when you call, they seem distant and cold. Only after you repeatedly ask them what’s wrong do they open up and begin to act normal with you. While everyone may need a little extra attention now and then, you can’t deal with this type of behavior on a regular basis.
If someone needs you to chase them because they are constantly running away from you in fear, eventually you have to let them go. They either need to overcome their fears and stay by your side, or they will just keep running. Either way, there comes a time where you have to let them make their choice.
3. If You Really Like This Person but They Are Not Showing the Necessary Level of Interest for You to Continue to Like Them, God Is Saying, “Don’t Chase Them
Sometimes a person will enter a relationship with you, but it’s clear you like them more than they like you. Eventually the love needs to be equal for it to be long lasting. Sometimes one person takes longer to fall in love with the other person. That’s okay. But if they are continually lagging behind and it seems like they are not that interested in you, don’t settle and don’t chase them.
By not chasing, this may cause them to realize they are losing you. If they do really care about you, this will then cause them to step up their game. If they don’t really care about you, this will cause them to slip away because they don’t like you enough to put in the needed effort to make things work.
Either way, if you are the one who has been putting in most of the effort thus far, eventually you need to stop chasing them and let them make their choice. You’ve done enough. Now it’s up to them.
4. If Someone Is Running from God and They Don’t Want to Listen to Your Warnings, Don’t Chase Them
Maybe you are a Christian and you have romantic feelings for an unbeliever. You share your concerns with them, you let them know about the gospel, but despite your efforts, they still want to run from God. Or maybe your boyfriend or girlfriend claims to be a Christian, but they never go to church with you, they are indulging in sin, and they are going deeper and deeper into darkness no matter what you say.
Perhaps the most shocking part to me about the parable of the prodigal son is that the father let the son go (Luke 15:12-13). The father didn’t have to give the son his inheritance. The father could have prevented the son from running away. But the father actually let him go. He didn’t chase the son because he knew the son’s love for the father could not be forced. It had to be the son’s choice.
Likewise, if someone is running from God, regardless of your relationship affections for this person, you can’t keep chasing them if they are determined to rebel against the Lord (1 Corinthians 5:4-5).
Keep serving the Lord and let Jesus work on this person. Only he can save them (John 14:6).
