Are you unknowingly attracted to a narcissist? Is their charm or physical appearance blinding you from their narcissistic personality traits? Are others trying to warn you about this person’s selfish history, but you are struggling to see the red flags?
We all need to see through God’s eyes. Of course, that is not always possible. But that should be our aim. And so, in this article, while we can’t know for certain that someone is a narcissist in God’s eyes, we will discuss 4 signs that would be good evidence to support this conclusion.
1. If This Person Is Trying to Make You Feel Amazing So You Will Worship Them, This Is a Good Sign They Are a Narcissist in God’s Eyes
One reason it’s so hard to identify some narcissists is that they are actually being very kind to you. They may notice something new about your appearance that no one else did. They may remember some little detail about your life that everyone else forgets. Or they may be putting in the time and effort to help you feel really connected and valued by them.
So why is this bad? You have to look at what they are asking in return for these acts of kindness. Someone who is genuine with good character doesn’t ask for anything in return. Of course, if you don’t value them or show them love in return, they will stop this kindness because a healthy relationship needs to involve mutual sacrifice. But they won’t be searching for compliments or using acts of kindness to later manipulate you.
In Matthew 6:1, Jesus said, “Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.” This doesn’t mean we need to hide our good works. Rather, it’s saying our motive must not be to get praised by people.
A narcissist, however, is really after your worship. They love bomb you because they want you to put them on a pedestal. And then when you don’t praise them enough, they will get mad at you.
2. If They Are Extremely Self-Absorbed Because They Think They Are So Good Looking, This Person Is a Narcissist in God’s Eyes
Every human is equally valuable and beautiful in their own way because they were created by God. And this is a truth we should all accept about ourselves. For as Psalm 139:14 states, “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”
And yet, in sin, there is also a vanity that can creep in about our own appearance. Whether the world is constantly telling you how beautiful you are or whether you just have a really high view of yourself, this can easily turn into a sinful self-absorption.
Pride isn’t about valuing yourself too much. Rather, pride is really about elevating yourself over others. And humility isn’t about viewing yourself as worse than others. Rather, it’s about choosing to put others above yourself out of sacrificial love. As C.S. Lewis said, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.”
A narcissist is so preoccupied with their own physical appearance that they are constantly thinking of themselves. This is why it’s impossible to have a healthy relationship with this type of person. They refuse to obey Philippians 2:3-4 (NIV), “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
3. If You Were Wounded in the Past and Now Have a Trauma Bond with Narcissistic Personality Types, This Could Be a Sign that the Person Is a Narcissist in God’s Eyes
Sometimes we end up being attracted to unhealthy people because we have been wounded by others in the past with similar personality traits.
For example, if a woman was verbally abused by her narcissist father when she was growing up, she could have a twisted view of love. She could be seeking the approval of narcissistic men because deep down, she is still seeking the approval of her father.
Or perhaps a man fell really hard for his first girlfriend and never really recovered. He idolized her, and she wanted to be idolized. So now he is always after that same high. Thus, he ends up only being attracted to women who don’t value him but do want to use him.
Psalm 147:3 states, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” God wants to heal your heart and set you free from any bondage to a narcissist.
4. If This Person Is Always Right and You Are Always Wrong, This Could Be a Sign They Are a Narcissist in God’s Eyes
No one is always right, and no one is always wrong. If someone is making you feel that way, it’s highly likely they are a narcissist.
Proverbs 4:23 reminds us, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Loving someone does not mean allowing emotional abuse or manipulation to rob you of your peace. Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is rebuke them and set boundaries so they can see their own issues.
Here’s a playlist of my past videos on the topic of narcissism: What Does the Bible Say About Narcissism?