Colossians 3:19
If you are a woman, it’s extremely dangerous to your heart if you get into a relationship with a male narcissist. These men are evil, but they are not stupid. They know how to mask their narcissism long enough to get you entangled in their web. The best way to deal with a male narcissist is to not get involved with him in the first place.
Therefore, here are 4 signs God will often show you when you are dealing with a male narcissist so you can avoid them.
1. A Male Narcissist Craves Headship for Unbiblical Reasons
When a narcissistic man reads how God created men to lead in the family and church, their sin nature takes these biblical truths and misapplies them in dangerous ways.
For example, Ephesians 5:22-23 states, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.” When a male narcissist reads passages like this, they interpret it through the lens of their own selfishness rather than through the biblical lens of selflessness that God intends.
What does it mean to be the head of your wife as Christ is the head of the church? It means that a husband is called to die for his wife, to serve her in love, and lead her in ways that do her good and not harm (Ephesians 5:25-33). The male narcissist, however, warps the proper application of God’s word and does the exact opposite of what God wants a man to do. As Jesus taught us about biblical leadership:
You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:42-45)
2. A Male Narcissist Twists Scripture to Dishonor Women
Not only does a self-centered man misuse Scripture to elevate himself, but he also uses it to push women down.
For example, Colossians 3:18 states, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” A male narcissist stops there, obsesses over this command, and doesn’t read any further in Scripture. However, if he was to read even just one more verse, he would be confronted with, “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them” (Colossians 3:19).
Instead of focusing more on the command God has given directly to him as a man, a male narcissist will focus the majority of his attention on what God has said to the woman. He will twist the meaning of biblical submission and turn it into an abusive system to enslave women.
There’s not one verse in the Bible that tells a husband to make his wife submit. A wife’s submission is supposed to be her free choice to love her husband and to respond properly when he is laying his life down for her. Each time God gives men and women directions about their roles in relationship, he talks to each one of them individually; this means a man should be more focused on what a man is supposed to do and woman is supposed to be more focused on what a woman supposed to.
A male narcissist, however, ignores what the Bible says to him about sacrificial love and thinks God made a woman to worship the man. Nothing could be further from the truth. God made men and women to worship God alone. Their relationship with each other is supposed to be a mutual expression of sacrificial love done for the glory of God.
3. A Male Narcissist Is Self-Centered Sexually
God made sex as a means for a husband and wife to express their love for each other in a mutually gratifying way. A male narcissist, however, comes to believe that sexual pleasure is the sole point of sex. He believes a woman’s body is there to serve his body. Instead of honoring her and loving her through sex in marriage, a male narcissist will seek to dishonor women through exploiting them sexually outside of marriage.
Before marriage, a narcissistic man will ignore what the Bible says about lust and sexual immorality. Instead of waiting to show his love for a woman in marriage through biblical sex, a male narcissist will reveal his self-centeredness by indulging in sexual pleasure with women outside of marriage, thus making it all about his own gratification rather than about true love.
In marriage, he will only focus on verses like 1 Corinthians 7:4, “For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.” Again, he will stop there and read no further. However, the rest of this verse then says, “Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”
4. A Male Narcissist Always Blames the Woman and Takes No Accountability for His Part in the Relationship Dysfunction
They will always blame the women in their life and never take personal responsibility for their own sins and foolishness. Like Adam, a narcissistic man will blame the woman (Genesis 3:12).
While not every man and woman is a true narcissist, every man and woman have narcissistic tendencies because of the sin nature we inherited from Adam and Eve. Sin makes us all want to put ourselves first. Men and women are equally sinful. Apart from Jesus Christ, every human heart is drowning in self-centeredness (Romans 3:23, Romans 5:12).
Only through Christ can this change. Romans 5:17, “For if, because of one man’s trespass, death reigned through that one man, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man Jesus Christ.”
