If you were just deeply hurt by someone, here are 4 things the Lord may be saying to you.
1. When Someone Hurts You, God Is Saying, “Keep the Wound Clean”
In Marilyn Heavilin’s book, Roses in December, she talks about her healing journey after losing her 17-year-old son, who was killed by a drunk driver. Whether someone has hurt you emotionally, relationally, or even criminally, her words are so important. She wrote:
One day when the anger was boiling especially hot inside of me, I received a note from a friend. It said, ‘Marilyn, I don’t understand everything you’re going through, but I have a thought I would like to share with you. “Keep the wound clean.”‘
What timing! My first reaction was to throw the card across the room and yell, ‘What does she know about my pain?’ But then my heart began to soften and I burst into tears as I cried out to God for help. I had not kept the wound clean but had allowed it to fester with so much bitterness. As I confessed my sins to the Lord, I asked Him to forgive me and help me cleanse the wound of anything which would keep it from healing properly: the anger, the bitterness, the frustration, the impatience. The desire for these attitudes to leave came immediately, but it took, and still takes, lots of work and determination to keep the festering from beginning again. I have spent much time in study and prayer, asking God to help me ‘keep the wound clean.’”
Whether it was a verbal attack or a crime that took the life of a loved one, when someone hurts us deeply, a wound is left behind that needs time to heal. And just like a physical wound on the body, we must routinely clean the wound to guard against infection. Oftentimes, someone dies not because of the initial wound, but because of the infection that takes place afterwards. Spiritually speaking, this is true as well.
Ephesians 4:26-27 states, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” There is a path with the Lord that allows for the wound to be recognized and where the range of emotions is meant to be expressed, from anger to sadness. However, on this path, God will also lead you away from destructive detours that lead to infections, like bitterness, hatred, and hopelessness.
If someone just hurt you deeply, keep the wound clean.
2. When Someone Hurts You, God Is Saying, “Forgiveness Is a Journey”
If you’ve expressed your hurts to another Christian, they may have felt compelled to tell you about the need to forgive the person who has hurt you. This is right. Jesus is very clear that no matter how bad or how often someone wrongs us, we are called to always forgive (Matthew 18:21-22). And yet, this counsel can also be delivered in an unwise and uncaring way.
The truth is, real forgiveness is not just a choice – it’s an ongoing choice. It’s not just a destination, it’s an ongoing journey. Forgiveness will set you free, but sometimes you will need to have lived more life to really know all that was taken from you. While you should forgive as quickly as you can, sometimes it will take more time to even know what you need to forgive this person for.
It could take you a few hours of reflection, or it could be an endless journey throughout your whole life. The point is, when someone hurts you deeply, you will need to forgive in an ongoing way, as the offense may continue to hurt you in different ways as time goes on. For example, in Roses in December, Marilyn Heavilin talks about how she continues to need to forgive the man who killed her son. She wrote:
For me, forgiving has come in segments. Each time I hold a new grandchild, each time I attend the wedding of one of Nate’s friends, each time I attend a family reunion…each time, I can forgive just a little bit more.
When we are grieving, we shouldn’t feel compelled to rush forgiveness. It may be necessary to allow time for the situation to sink in and for God to do a work in our hearts. If you are the one who is grieving, be open to God’s guiding and allow Him to lead you in the direction of forgiveness. I am not condoning vengeance or uncontrolled anger, but you may find there is a neutral stage where you have no feelings one way or the other; you are numb. The neutral stage can be a provision from God to protect you from feelings of grief or anger which would be too great for you to control. Forgiveness, especially in a traumatic or crisis situation, will take time. Give God time. Give yourself time.”
Forgive progressively deeper and deeper. Forgive what you can grasp to forgive. It may take time to realize the full magnitude of the wrongs.
3. When Someone Hurts You, God Is Saying, “I Saw What Happened”
A longing for justice is healthy. And yet, we must also never let that longing turn into hatred. One way to protect against this is to leave the justice to God. While we will struggle to desire justice in a healthy way without slipping into hatred, he can be the just judge in ways that we cannot (1 Peter 2:23).
If something criminal happened, you should report it and allow the proper earthly authorities to administer justice (Romans 13:4). But so often, the hurts others inflict on us are not criminal, but they feel just as wrong. And it can feel like no one cares.
God cares, and he will give justice. As Psalm 10:12-15 explains:
Arise, O Lord; O God, lift up your hand; forget not the afflicted. Why does the wicked renounce God and say in his heart, ‘You will not call to account’? But you do see, for you note mischief and vexation, that you may take it into your hands; to you the helpless commits himself; you have been the helper of the fatherless. Break the arm of the wicked and evildoer; call his wickedness to account till you find none.”
4. When Someone Hurts You, God Is Saying, “I’m with You”
A friend of ours lost her son to cancer. She was recently giving a talk to a group of ladies at church and said, “God doesn’t always make it easier, but he does make it possible.” God hasn’t removed her grief, but he has been with her through her grief, and that has made all the difference.
Likewise, however you have been hurt, always rely on the biblical promise of God’s presence. He won’t always make your life easy, but he will always make it possible to get through with joy by giving you his presence.
Psalm 23:4, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
Related Article: How to Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You Deeply
