What does the Bible say about age-gap marriage? Would God ever call you to marry someone who is much younger or much older? What’s too much of a difference? 5 years? 10 years? 20 years?
In this article, I will cover the topic of age-gap marriages in three sections. Section 1 is what the Bible says about it. Section 2 will be biblical and practical tips for an age-gap relationship. And in section 3, I will give you six signs that might mean God is calling you into this type of marriage one day.
What Does the Bible Say About Age-Gap Marriages?
This is a great question to use the categories of precepts, principles, and patterns in Scripture.
- A precept is a biblical command that tells you exactly what to do or not do. For example, we are commanded not to be unequally yoked; thus, it is very clear that it would be wrong to marry an unbeliever (1 Corinthians 7:39, 2 Corinthians 6:14).
- A principle gives you a general truth that must be applied to a specific question or situation to find a biblical solution. For example, the Bible doesn’t talk about dating. Thus, there is no precept in the Bible that states it would be wrong to date an unbeliever. However, when applying the principles given in Scripture about only marrying another Christian, it is biblically wise not to date an unbeliever either.
- A pattern is what often occurs in the Bible, which can give a general guideline to follow out of tradition. For example, tithing 10% is not a command in the New Testament. But since that is the pattern we see in Scripture, this has given many Christians a wise starting point on how much to give their local churches.
Now let’s apply what we know about precepts, principles, and patterns to our question about age-gap marriages:
- When it comes to precepts, there is no command in the Bible that forbids two adults getting married who have a large age difference.
- When it comes to principles, we should assess all marriage options by what the Scriptures command. So regardless of age differences, one should look for character evidence and relationship compatibility to make a healthy marriage match. There is also a principle of desire when choosing a spouse (1 Corinthians 7:36) and the precept not to divorce. Thus, one should be very careful to marry someone whom they would want to be married to for their whole life. Age-gap marriages could cause an issue here since greater sacrifices might be required as more time passes and one spouse becomes elderly much sooner than the other.
- Lastly, when it comes to patterns in Scripture, this is probably the greatest evidence in support of age-gap marriages. Throughout the Bible, there are numerous examples of healthy couples who have a large age gap, such as Abraham and Sarah (Genesis 17:17), Boaz and Ruth (Ruth 3:10), and (probably) Isaac and Rebekah (Genesis 25:20, Genesis 24:16).
Therefore, to put it succinctly, there is no biblical command forbidding an age-gap marriage, thus it is morally lawful. However, not everything that is moral is always wise. In some instances, when applying biblical principles about marriage, it would be unwise for such a marriage to occur. And yet, throughout the Scriptures, we have numerous examples of God blessing age-gap marriages, though the normal pattern is for two younger people to marry each other.
For section 2, I will now focus more heavily on biblical principles that might help you make a wise choice for yourself regarding an age-gap marriage.
Practical Advice About Age-Gap Marriages
The first principle I will highlight is that marriage is a biblical option for those who want it, not a biblical command for all Christians (1 Corinthians 7:36-38). Thus, when we apply this principle to age-gap marriages, it’s safe to say that your personal desire is a huge factor to consider. If you would be unhappy to marry someone who is significantly older or younger than you, then you shouldn’t do it. If you would be happy to marry this person even though there will be a lot of sacrifices caused by the age difference, then that is a good sign that you should do it.
Next, we should consider the fact that marriage is meant to be a life-long commitment (Matthew 19:6). Thus, you should take great care to imagine what the distant future would be like with someone. Yes, you might be happy with a 45-year-old spouse even though you are only 25 years old. But would you still be happy when this person is 75 and you are 55? That is a very different situation.
Statistically speaking, the larger the age gap between spouses, the more likely a divorce is to occur. When there is a 5+ year gap, divorce is 33% more likely. When there is a 10+ year gap, the likelihood of divorce jumps to 40%. And when there is a 20+ year gap, divorce is 95% more likely. Of course, these are just statistics, not guarantees, so you can certainly defy the odds. But these states to do show how age gaps do complicate relationships more.
With these principles in mind, my personal advice is that an age gap of ten years or less is not that big of a deal. While there will be sacrifices to make, these sacrifices are reasonable and achievable by most people who are in love.
However, when the gap is greater than 10 years, I believe there are significant sacrifices that would need to be met, which in most cases would make the marriage unwise. But I’m also quick to say that if a man and woman were entering into an age-gap marriage with eyes wide open and still really wanted to get married, I would encourage them to get married, even if the gap was more than 10 years.
If the gap was more than 25 years, I would advise against it. But I would not go as far as to say that it is a sin. I just think it would be unwise in almost all cases. I’m sure there are exceptions. But generally speaking, this big of an age gap is too much for most people to handle in a healthy way.
We should also remember the principle that real love always includes real sacrifice (John 15:13). And marriage is meant to show the love relationship between Christ and the church, which also involves real sacrifice (Ephesians 5:22-33). Thus, an age-gap marriage could be God-ordained if the couple wanted to show love through the sacrifices that would be required in this type of relationship.
Which leads us to section 3.
6 Signs God Might Be Calling You Into an Age-Gap Marriage
Now, let’s quickly highlight some signs that would be present if God were really leading you to enter into an age-gap marriage.
First, as mentioned in the previous point, if both were ready to show love through making sacrifices, then that is a good sign. For example, the older spouse may need to sacrifice by having children later in life if the younger spouse still wants to do that. Or the younger spouse may need to sacrifice and not have children if the older spouse is not able or no longer willing.
Second, the man and woman should be realistic about their community. While they might enjoy each other, how will their social lives mix over the years? It could be an unrealistic stretch to have a healthy social life if your spouse is significantly older or younger. If, however, you both can have a healthy social life together, that is a great sign. While some people may disapprove and judge, that should not deter you. Galatians 1:10, “If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Third, physical attraction and sex should be considered. In 1 Corinthians 7:1-9, sex is commanded in marriage. Thus, there should be a willing and happy desire for sex to occur if God were really calling you to get married.
Fourth, both should be very honest about their motives. Sometimes age-gap marriages are wanted for bad reasons, such as lust, money, or desperation because they can’t find someone their own age to marry. If your motives are pure and not corrupted by sin, that is a good sign.
Fifth, all the other signs that would normally be present when God wants two Christians to get married should also be there. The relationship would be biblical and equally yoked spiritually, good fruit would be occurring, and a readiness to fulfill the biblical roles for marriage would be possible.
Lastly, although there are more signs we could discuss, it really comes down to what you sense the Lord leading you to do. If there are any reservations or worries, you should not get married. Before you choose to marry someone, you should sense a strong peace from the Lord that this is indeed what God wants you to do.
