How can you really know when a desire is from God or if it’s just from yourself? There are many places in Scripture that can help us answer that question. Today, I’ll be highlighting 4 key passages.
And while I’ll be talking about romantic desires in this article, the principles I’ll outline can really be applied to any desire you have.
Lastly, enrollment for AGW University is now available. This is where I offer my online relationship training school for Christian singles of any age who want to glorify the Lord in marriage one day.
And while I can’t guarantee you will get married if you take my courses, I can guarantee you will learn extremely important biblical information on how best to meet, date, and marry the person God may have for you.
The truth is, many of you don’t need these courses right now. My weekly articles and videos are plenty for you. However, if you’ve been consuming this content for a while but want to take it to the next level and really invest in your relationship knowledge and skills, this is a great opportunity for you.
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1. James 4:1-3 Teaches the Importance of Pure Motives
What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.”
Desires that truly come from God are rooted in pure motives. So if you’re wondering whether your desire for a specific person is from God or just from yourself, you have to take a really honest look at “why” you want to be in a relationship with them.
If God is the one who is putting this desire in you, you will want to be with this person for a holy, Christ-exalting reason. If this desire is simply coming from yourself, your motives will be off.
As James 4:1-3 explains, there are passions at war within us. As Christians, we are no longer our sin, but our sin is still in our bodies, fighting for control. Only in Christ can we choose pure motives (Romans 7:20-25).
2. Genesis 2:18 Teaches the Importance of Holy Needs Being Met
Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’”
One of the most remarkable things about this verse is the context of the larger story in which it appears. The first sin happened in Genesis 3. So when God said it was not good for the man to be without a woman, this was in the context of Adam’s relationship with the Lord being perfect still. Thus, this teaches us that there are God-designed needs in humans that are meant to be fulfilled in things outside of God himself.
That feels wrong to say because we know that without God, we have nothing (Psalm 16:2). And, as we discussed in point 1, we know how prone our hearts are to wander into idolatry. So it feels risky to admit that we want something besides God himself. And yet, this is clearly what Genesis 2:18 teaches us.
However, this doesn’t mean we want a relationship with a human rather than with God. This doesn’t mean we want a person to replace the Lord. And this doesn’t mean we want someone more than we want Jesus. If those statements were true, it would mean our desire for a relationship was impure and thus not from God.
But when you are satisfied in the Lord, you will often begin to also desire a holy marriage because that’s a part of the original design for humans. He designed us to love and glorify him through marriage. Ironically, when someone rejects marriage and pushes away romantic desires, that can actually be a sign of a hurting, lost heart.
Yes, some Christians are called to singleness. That’s different. But when you are called to marriage, yet you are fearful or bitter, that’s a sign you’re not walking in God’s original design.
All that to say, if you meet someone who seems to satisfy the good unmet desires with you for a holy marriage, that is a strong sign the desires you have for this person are actually from God and not yourself.
3. 1 Corinthians 7:36-37 Teaches Us the Importance of Contentment in Singleness
If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well.”
Singleness is not second place in the Scriptures. Just like marriage, singleness is a gift from God meant to be used for his glory (1 Corinthians 7:7, 1 Peter 4:10-11). But those who truly have the gift of singleness are marked by a lack of a strong desire for marriage.
However, if you never learn to be content in singleness, you will never know if your desire for a specific person is just your general discontentment in singleness or the sign from God that he’s moving you into marriage and out of singleness.
When you just always want to be married and you can never enjoy singleness, you will find yourself liking a lot of people all the time. But when you are content in singleness, and then you meet another solid Christian, and you want to be married, that will signal to you that this desire is from God and yourself.
4. Psalm 37:4 Teaches Us the Importance of Delight in God Shaping Your Desires
Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
A lot of people misapply this verse and take it to mean that if you delight yourself in God, he will give you whatever you want. They see “delighting in the Lord” like rubbing the magic genie lamp to get their three wishes. This is not what Psalm 37:4 means.
Rather, when you delight yourself in the Lord, your desires come into alignment with God’s desires. It’s not just that God will give you what you want when you delight in him. It’s that you will begin to want what God wants to give you when you delight in him.
Thus, when you are finding joy in God through walking in his ways and seeking his presence every day through Christ, the person God wants for you will add to your delight in God, not detract from it.
You will know your desire for someone is from the Lord when your desire for God and your desire for this person are interconnected and not competing.
And don’t forget, if you’re someone who wants to do a deep Bible study to prepare in singleness so you can thrive in marriage one day, AGW University is for you. You get lifetime access to all these courses, ranging from topics that will prepare you for dating all the way to showing you how to date once you’re in a relationship.
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