4 Signs God Is Telling You “Not to Force It” with Someone

Here are 4 relationship situations where God might be saying, “Don’t force it.”

1. If You Just Met Someone but You Already Have Really Strong Feelings for Them, God Is Probably Saying, “Don’t Force It”

There’s nothing wrong with having strong desires for someone you don’t know that well. However, this type of situation can easily lead you into problems. Infatuation, idolatry, and a host of other unhealthy roads can easily deceive you.

Proverbs 19:2, “Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way.”

When you speed ahead with someone you don’t know that well, you might end up getting attached to someone who is way unhealthier than you realized. And even if they are a mature Christian like you, when you don’t take the time to properly build a foundation together, anxiety might come back to haunt you later on.

Even if you two do choose to get married one day, you want to be able to look back and know you go to that place in wisdom. You might end up doubting yourself later if you don’t choose to slow down in the beginning.

Therefore, even if your heart is in a good place and you genuinely have very strong feelings for this person, even though you don’t know them well, the key is to choose wisdom, even if you feel like choosing your emotions.

Proverbs 21:5, “The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty.”

2. If You Like Someone More than They Seem to Like You, God Is Probably Saying, “Don’t Force It”

This happens sometimes! Just because the feelings aren’t completely mutual right now doesn’t mean they won’t be one day.

While I’m not saying you should wait forever, there is a window of time where it’s wise to wait and see if someone’s feelings begin to change towards you if you currently like them more than they like you. Sometimes, it can do more harm than good to profess your feelings more clearly than you already have. Proverbs 10:19 (NIV), “Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues.”

Habakkuk 2:3, “For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.” This verse can be easily misapplied if you believe you heard God give you a yes about someone even though he actually didn’t. And yet, this verse is also a powerful reminder that sometimes God has good planned for us, but we just need to wait for it to happen at the right time.

Allow someone the time they may need to get to know you. If it’s meant to be, their feelings will grow. And if it’s not meant to be, in time, nothing will change, which will be the sign that you should move on. Either way, choosing not to force it will help you discover God’s will for you and this person.

If you really like someone, don’t confess your love right away. Proverbs 13:3 (NIV), “Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.” One day, when the relationship can handle it, you know it’s the right time to be more open.

3. If You Both Really Like Each Other and You’re Being Tempted to Skip Wise Steps, God Is Probably Saying, “Don’t Force It”

While it’s important not to force something to happen when one person’s heart isn’t fully ready, it’s even more important not to force things when it feels like both hearts are ready.

For example, after a few months of dating, some couples feel so good about the relationship that they start skipping important steps and rushing the road to marriage. They might start saying that they love each other and talking about the distant future. But even when things are going really well, there’s a lot of value in remaining patient. Proverbs 15:23 (NLT), “. . . it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time!”

In Matthew 7:24-27, Jesus promised that there are storms coming. And those who don’t listen to and obey the words of Jesus will be washed away because they lacked a strong foundation. And yet, those who do practice what Jesus taught will endure the storms and remain standing because they took the time to build their foundation wisely.

God won’t spare your relationship with someone from storms. So don’t force it. Build a foundation for the future.

Proverbs 16:9, “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”

4. If You’ve Done All You Can Do to Be with This Person, God Is Now Probably Saying, “Don’t Force It”

Whether you’ve done all you can and this person still doesn’t seem to be on the same page with you, or you two are on the same page but both need to practice patience, sometimes there are seasons when there’s nothing left to do but wait on God. Proverbs 14:12, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.”

For example, if you’ve made the invites, tried to be more open, and have placed yourself around this person so something could happen, now is the time to wait and see if your investments will produce anything. Or perhaps you are already dating someone, but you both need to work on your finances so you can become independent enough to launch out on your own as a married couple. In situations like this, you have to work and then wait, allowing God the time to produce what he wills.

Ecclesiastes 11:4-6 tells us to scatter our seeds and plant, not waiting for the perfect time, because we don’t know what’s going to grow or not grow. And then, eventually, after we’ve done the work, we have to surrender it all to God and let him produce what he’s going to produce.

1 Corinthians 13:4 describes love as “patient and kind.” If you love someone, never try to force it. Love flourishes in an environment of freedom and patience, not in pressure and rushing.

And don’t forget, if you want a completely free digital copy of my book, The Ultimate Guide to Christian Singleness, just click the link in the description of this video or scan the QR code on your screen. You’ll then be taken to my website where you can submit your email so I know where to send your copy. Within minutes, you will receive your own PDF copy.