4 Biblical Reasons a Woman Struggles to Connect with a Godly Man

There is not a specific chapter in the Bible that will point out all the possible reasons for why a woman may be struggling to connect with a godly man. However, wanting to connect with a godly man is a good and biblical desire; thus, we can be sure the Holy Spirit will use the Scriptures to direct a Christian woman on how to best make this type of connection.

Therefore, here are 4 possible biblical reasons for why a woman may be struggling to connect with a godly man.

1. She’s Too Focused on the Outcomes Rather than the Process

In Scripture, we are taught that the process is just as important as the outcomes to God (James 4:2-3). In numerous ways, this principle relates to our question about why a woman is struggling to connect with a man:

• If she is overly focused on finding a husband, she will put too much pressure on making a good connection with a man when they first meet, thus making herself nervous and acting unnatural.
• If she is only concerned with men who seem to be datable, she will dramatically limit her exposure to other men she might come to appreciate if she got to know them.
• If she is too focused on marriage rather than on living a well-rounded social life that involves other types of valuable relationships (friends, mentors, family, pastors, etc.), she will lack the social networking framework that often leads to her meeting the right guy.

In other words, when a woman is too focused on the outcome of finding her husband and ignores the process that usually goes into finding a husband, she will struggle to make healthy connections with a man. This can occur when she’s viewing men in a one-dimensional way: husband-material or not husband-material.

To really connect with a man, you have to have interests in your life that make you interesting. If all you do is focus on finding a man, there will be nothing for a man to connect with. There needs to be substance in your life. Being too focused on finding a husband will hinder your efforts.

2. She’s Trying to Connect with Him in a Masculine Way

You might be tempted to think that two people connect best with each other when they are the same. Thus, you might assume that to really connect with a man if you are a woman, you will need to try to relate to him in a masculine way. This is a big mistake!

If you come to him in a masculine spirit, you might actually become great friends. But he will never want to connect with you in a romantic way. Why? Because a godly man isn’t attracted to masculinity. He’s attracted to femininity. He will want friends who are masculine like him, but he will not want to date a man. Thus, he will not want to date a woman who reminds him of a man.

When God said that it was not good for the man to be alone (Genesis 2:18), he didn’t make another man. He gave Adam a woman to connect with. Likewise, you will connect with a masculine man when you are embracing your biblical femininity.

3. She’s Trying to Make Him Connect with Her in a Feminine Way

Another common error that results in difficulty connecting is when a woman expects the man to be able to connect with her like other women do. Many times a woman thinks she is looking for a husband but in realty she is looking for a best friend. While a husband can be your best friend, he cannot be your best girlfriend. He will always be a man and thus he will always need to connect with you through his masculinity.

Yes, he can listen, he can be empathetic, he can be caring – but pressed too hard and many men will feel like you are trying to feminize him. If you are getting frustrated with men, it could be because you want them to be like you rather than learning to embrace what makes them different than you.

A man wants to be appreciated for what makes him masculine – strength, working hard, protecting, providing, leading, pursuing, and so on. I believe this is why Ephesians 5:33 states, “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” We are all to love and respect each other. But Paul emphasizes love for women and respect for men because that’s what we need most.

We are different. This must be embraced if you want to make a good connection with a man one day.

4. She Just Hasn’t Met the Right Guy Yet

Many women feel like they are doing something totally wrong and this is why they can’t connect with men. That could be true. Some women do need to adjust how they relate to men.

However, at times, the main reason you haven’t been able to connect with a guy yet is because you just haven’t met the right guy.

Once you meet the man God has for you, usually it will be much easier to connect with him than with other men you have met in the past (Song of Solomon 2:3).