What Should You Do If You Like Someone But They Like Someone Else?

What should you do if you like someone but they like someone else? What should you do if you like someone but they do not like you back? Lastly, what should you do if you like someone who has a girlfriend or boyfriend already?

One AGW reader wrote and asked:

Hello,

I was wondering if you could give me some advice on a situation I’m currently going through. I met a girl who I am very attracted to. I prayed about her and I felt very led to her. However she told me she wanted to be just friends.

Since then we’ve become best friends and she’s started dating another guy. My question is that I’m concerned about whether their relationship is what God wants. They prayed about it before they started dating but when I asked her about it she didn’t say they felt God leading them to date. She said she saw flaws in him that made her like him more. And she liked him when he didn’t now she did. Finally, if they get married it won’t be before he graduates college . . . which means they’ll have to wait 5 years. That seems like a long time to wait and be dating/engaged. I still like her very much romantically but I’ve put those feelings on the back burner because I love her. And I understand that loving someone means sacrificing what you want for them. That being said I’m not sure if my concerns are legitimate or if I’m just being selfish and biased. Thank you for your help.

My Response to “What Should You Do If You Like Someone But They Like Someone Else?”

Sounds like you really want to do the right thing but you are just not sure what that is. I commend you for that. I know it’s not easy to do the right thing even when you wish your reality was different.

In life and in relationships, there are always things we wish we could know but simply do not. Therefore rather than focusing on all the unknowns, sometimes it is more important to focus on what you do know and on what God has already shown you. We don’t know for certain if this relationship they are in will be good or bad, if they will get married, and if they are walking in God’s will or not.

What we do know, however, is that this girl has stated she just wants to be friends with you. You like her but she likes someone else. You also like her more than a friend, but she is in a committed relationship with her boyfriend. With these facts, you can learn a lot and make a lot of good decisions.

I personally do not think it is a good idea for the two of you to be best friends if she is in a relationship with someone else. If you were dating her, would you want another guy to be doing what you are doing?

I think a good rule of thumb is to put yourself in her boyfriend’s shoes and ask, “How would I want other guys to treat my girlfriend? Would I want them this close to her if they liked her as much as I like this girl?” Jesus said, “Do to others as you would have them do to you” (Luke 6:31). So if you like someone who is in a relationship already, the most honoring thing to do is respect that relationship.

While she may or may not be making wise decisions, I believe it is really not wise for you to be the one counseling her since you have a conflict of interest. You will need to let her make her own choices even if they are poor choices. You are just a friend and simply do not have the right to offer too much counsel on how she is living her life. Therefore if you like someone who does not like you back, be careful with how much counsel you offer “as a friend” because your motives may be in question.

I think if you have concerns you should share them. But I also think you should then remove yourself from her since she is in a different relationship but you really like her still. At some point in the future she may look back on the respect you showed her and her boyfriend. If they breakup, who knows, your respect now might lead to her respecting you and liking you more later.

Lastly, I would caution you on putting too much hope into this relationship. It doesn’t seem promising since she is dating someone else and has told you she just wants to be friends. You like her but she does not like you back. You like here but she is dating someone else. I would believe what she has told you and not create a false reality in your head. Therefore if you like someone who does not like you back, don’t get lost in the fantasy in your head. Look at reality and be honest with yourself if this person is likely to actually like you back. Don’t get stuck dreaming and miss out on living.

I would accept the reality of the situation and move on with your life. God speaks through our reality. Don’t pretend your reality is something different. You can’t live your life based upon a reality you hope happens in the future when there is no evidence saying that future will happen.

She is living her life with the belief you two are nothing more than friends. I would encourage you to live your life with that belief as well. You don’t want to miss what God has for you by waiting around for something he doesn’t have for you.

Well, these are just my thoughts on “What should you do if you like someone who does not like you back?” I’m not God so I would encourage you to pray to the Lord, read the word of God, and do what you think will be most honoring to God, to her and her boyfriend, and to yourself.

In Christ,
Mark

(How would you answer this person’s question about liking someone who likes someone else? What would you say to someone who likes someone in a relationship already? How would you counsel someone who likes a girl or guy who does not like them back?)