Perhaps you are waiting for someone you really want to date but for whatever reason, you two are not connecting. Perhaps you want to get back with your ex. Or perhaps you are with someone right now but you are unsure if this is the right relationship for you.
While it can be hard to let someone like this go, sometimes God really is telling you to cut them loose in your heart so you can move on in your life. So here are 3 facts that can be hard to accept but which usually mean God really is telling you to cut this person loose so you can move forward into God’s will for your life.
1. If the Lord Has Already Graciously Given You Extra Time to Disprove What You Know He’s Been Saying, This Means It’s Now Time to Completely Cut This Person Loose
God is kind. He isn’t compassionless towards us. He knows we are weak and we struggle to accept the answers he gives us. While we must never disobey him, in kindness God does often help us remove all doubts about a relationship he does not want for us.
Notice the patience of the landowner towards the vinedresser in Jesus’s parable. Luke 13:6-9 states:
And he told this parable: ‘A man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard, and he came seeking fruit on it and found none. And he said to the vinedresser, “Look, for three years now I have come seeking fruit on this fig tree, and I find none. Cut it down. Why should it use up the ground?” And he answered him, “Sir, let it alone this year also, until I dig around it and put on manure. Then if it should bear fruit next year, well and good; but if not, you can cut it down.’”
The landowner had seen enough. He knew this fig tree was not healthy. But the vinedresser was attached to the fig tree. He had cared for it for so long, he just wanted a little more time to see if he could help it grow. In kindness, the landowner allowed the vinedresser this extra time. But if the year passed and the fig tree was still fruitless, the vinedresser would then be disobeying the landowner if he didn’t cut it down.
In a similar way, in kindness God may have granted you time to see if you and this person could bear godly fruit together. God already knows the future, but sometimes he allows us time with someone for us to see what he already knows. If God has given you extra time to wait for this person, if you’ve already tried everything in your power to make this relationship work, if nothing is growing between you two no matter how much time and nutrition you give it – this is a hard fact to accept, but it means you need to cut this person loose in your heart and completely move on in your life.
2. If You Opened Yourself Up to Someone But They Did Not Receive You, This Means God Is Telling You to Cut Them Loose
Opening up to someone is an essential step if you hope to form a biblical bond with them. If you never allow yourself to be vulnerable in allowing your feelings to be made known, usually nothing will happen between you two. And eventually, once you do express mutual interest, for the relationship to grow even more, you have to share parts of your inner self with them that you don’t share with just anyone to let them know they are special to you.
It’s hard when your vulnerability is not met with an equal openness from this person. Perhaps you express interest, but they shut you down. Perhaps they initially respond with mutual interest but then they remain guarded and distant even though you are opening up more to them. Or maybe they do open up with you too and your relationship gets serious, but then you have a disagreement, they break up with you, and now you are struggling to move on even though it appears they have moved on quite easily from you.
This is hard, but when you opened up and were rejected, you gave it your best shot but now it’s time to move on. Notice when Jesus sent out his disciples to share the gospel, he doesn’t tell them to beg the towns to receive them. Rather, he tells them to go there with openness, but if a town does not receive them, they are to move on and shake the dust from their feet. (See Matthew 10:5-15)
Likewise, don’t beg, don’t endlessly wish things were different, and don’t deny the facts God is showing you about this person. If you opened up to this person but they did not receive you, this means God is now telling you to cut them loose so you can move on in your life.
3. If You Know This Old Hope Is Sucking Emotional Energy from You that You Need for Someone New, This Means God Is Telling You to Cut This Person Loose
Your heart only has so much emotional energy to give. Like an electrical power source that shorts out when you overload it, if you are drawing too much emotional energy from your heart, plugging in too many things into your soul, and exceeding your emotional capacities, you will eventually have a breakdown.
We can’t let old, unfruitful relationships in our past draw power from our hearts, stealing the energy we need in order to thrive with someone new. In John 15:1-2, Jesus said:
I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.”
If an old relationship is not bearing good fruit in your life, cut it loose. And if you are forming a new bond with someone and you are beginning to see good fruit, prune away the excess in your heart so you can focus the necessary energy into making this fruitful relationship grow even more.