1 John 1:7
If you have a desire to meet someone new and get into a healthy relationship with, here are 5 things God may be asking you to sacrifice.
1. If You Desire to Meet Someone New, God May Be Telling You to Cut All Ties with People You Have Been Romantic with in Your Past
I know many people believe they can be good friends with their ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends. In fact, I believe you can be good friends with your ex too if you really want. But I also believe this good friendship with your ex is going to hurt any chance of you meeting someone new. In other words, you have to choose between the old and the new. You can’t have them both. If you are currently choosing the old, you are also currently rejecting the new.
Thinking about your ex or thinking about someone you wanted to date but didn’t get the chance to is also going to hurt your ability to meet someone new. Our hearts dictate the actions our bodies take. If your heart is still focusing on someone else in your past, it will be difficult to take actions in your life that will help you meet someone new.
When you read through Colossians 3, which gives us information about how to strengthen our walk with Jesus, Paul not only tells us to pursue the new in Christ but to also let go of the former ways that we lived, “Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth . . . Put to death therefore what is earthly in you . . . In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away . . .” (Colossians 3:2, 5, 7-8).
Likewise, if you want to get into a new relationship, you have to let go of everything old that might be holding you back.
2. If You Desire to Meet Someone New, God May Be Telling You to Sacrifice the Way You Imagined You Would Always Meet The One
Expectations are often limiting beliefs in camouflage.
A limiting belief is something that prevents you from doing something good. An expectation is a belief about how a particular good thing is going to happen to you. When you only expect a good thing to happen to you in one certain way, you are inadvertently closing your eyes to all the other possible ways in which that good thing could come into your life.
If you believe you are for sure going to meet the one at church, you may be resistant to dating someone who attends a different church even though they might be a great person you should date. If you believe you are going to rekindle an old flame with that person you are sure is the one even though they said they didn’t want to date you, you are going to close yourself off to any new relationship options which might be much better for you than this person you believe is the best for you. If you think the courting model is the only biblical path to marriage, you might be missing out on meeting the right person for you that God wants to bring into your life through a blind date a good friend really wants to set you up on.
When we think we know the future, oftentimes all we are doing is blocking blessings in our present. If you want to meet someone new, God may be asking you to let go of all your expectations about how you will meet someone new.
Only God truly knows the future, “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand,” (Proverbs 19:21).
3. If You Desire to Meet Someone New, God Is Telling You to Let Go of Unhealthy Defense Mechanisms Which You Use Because You’re Afraid of Getting Hurt
It’s not wrong to want to avoid getting hurt. No one should want to get hurt. But sometimes our obsession with safety actually limits us from meeting new people. We can form unhealthy defense mechanisms that do keep us safe from getting into bad relationships, but they are also so extreme that they prevent healthy relationships from forming too.
For example, if you have been trying to guard your heart by just avoiding the opposite sex completely, that extreme defense mechanism is going to prevent you from meeting someone new. Or if you have learned to present a false version of yourself to the world around you that is really tough and who doesn’t need anyone, then this false persona is going to prevent you from meeting someone new.
While you don’t want to allow people into your heart that should not gain access there so quickly, if you want to love someone one day you do need to be vulnerable eventually. Do this slowly and wisely. Open up more as you see more evidence that this person is safe to open up to.
We all need to let go of unhealthy defense mechanisms keeping everyone away from us if we want to accomplish what Galatians 6:2 states, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
4. If You Desire to Meet Someone New, God Could Be Telling You to Focus Less on Meeting Someone New and More on Pursuing Your Other Passions in Life
Ironically, focusing on meeting someone new is sometimes the very thing that is preventing you from meeting someone new. Why? Because sometimes relationships that are too inwardly focused are too pressure filled and thus they never can grow passed the early stages because of this pressure. Romance is when a man and woman are focused on each other. Friendship, however, is when two people are focused on common interests.
Meeting someone new in a romantic way is often best done through friendship first because then there is less pressure on the relationship early on. But if all you are doing is focusing on the person, then you are jumping to romance. So to make new friends, you have to have common interests that unite you and builds bridges to new people. 1 John 1:7 states, “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.” Walking with Christ is a common bond that will unite you with other people who are walking with Christ.
This is why many people have met someone new when they stopped looking and started pursuing their other passions in life. When you serve in a ministry, for example, you will naturally be around other people who are also passionate about that ministry. That common bond then gives you a reason to be friends. The friendship then allows you to connect over this common bond rather than focusing too much on each other too soon. Even pursuing a hobby can help you meet new people because other people will like that hobby too.
If you want to meet someone new, God may be telling you to let go of focusing solely on meeting someone new so you can meet more people through sharing common passions together.
5. If You Desire to Meet Someone New, God Is Telling You to Let Go of Anything in Your Life that Is Making You Feel Not Ready to Meet Someone New
Sometimes we are our own worst enemies when it comes to meeting someone new. A poor self-image will prevent you from opening up, trying new things, and interacting with new people. If you have a hidden sin in your life or you know you are not matured enough in the Lord to start a new relationship, you will intentionally keep yourself away from meeting someone new.
Let go of anything that is keeping you stuck in shame, fear, or doubt. See yourself through the purifying sacrifice of Jesus Christ. As Romans 5:1 states, “Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.”
