Is God keeping you single? Is God closing relationship doors in your life right now or are you single because of your own actions?
Questions likes these can be hard to answer. So before I offer three possible signs that God is actually keeping you single right now at this point your life, let me first emphasize the words “possibly” and “might be.”
I don’t ever want to say I know for certain what God is doing or not doing in your life. There are countless reasons why you might be single right now even though you wish you were married. These three signs are not proof that God is the one behind your singleness. Statements like this are difficult because in one sense God is behind everything because he is sovereign. But there are also reasons for what God does. That’s what I’m referring to now.
With that said, I do believe God loves us and does what is best for us. And at times what is best for some of us is to remain single. Therefore I do believe God does actually keep some people single by his own power.
So here are three signs that might mean God is keeping you single.
If Marriage Wouldn’t Be Good for You Because of Your Maturity Level, God May Be Keeping You Single
God does allow us to choose things that are not good for us. However, God does not give us things that are not good for us. We can choose bad things for ourselves but God is not the one giving those bad things to us. So If you are walking with God and submitting to his will, he could be keeping you single if marriage would not be good for you at this point in your life. Matthew 7:7, 11 states:
Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you . . . . If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!”
Matthew 7:7 says God gives to those who ask; however, Matthew 7:11 says he only gives “good gifts to those who ask him!” So if you are asking God for marriage and he has not given it to you, we can conclude marriage must not be good for you right now.
But why would marriage not be good for you if God says marriage is good and you are free to pursue marriage if that desire is on your heart (1 Corinthians 7:36)? One reason marriage would not be good for you is if you are not mature enough to handle it. Getting married when you are too immature to function in a healthy way in marriage is like giving a Ferrari to a 14-year-old boy.
If a young boy who doesn’t know how to drive gets behind the wheel of a Ferrari, what do you think is going to happen? Of course he is going to crash and hurt himself, if not kill himself if an terrible accident. It would be unloving for a parent to turn the car keys over to their child if they are not prepared to handle that responsibility.
Just as a Ferrari would be an amazing gift to some people and a death wish to others, so too marriage will be a blessing to those who can handle it and a curse to those who are not mature enough yet. So if you are not mature enough to handle a marriage, God could be keeping you single. Certainly not everyone who is single is too immature for marriage, but this is one possible reasons why God is lovingly keeping some people single.
If You Are Being Biblically Proactive in Your Search for a Spouse But You Are Still Unmarried, God Could Be Keeping You Single
Another sign that God is keeping you single rather than some other variable is if you are being biblically proactive in your search for a Christian spouse.
If you are not being proactive in your search for a spouse, it would be harder to say if God is keeping you single or if your own passivity is keeping you single. However, if you are being biblically proactive in receiving a good thing from the Lord, like marriage, it is much easier to say that God is probably keeping you single because through your proactive steps you have eliminated many other possibilities.
I say “biblically proactive,” however, because you can be sinfully proactive which would cause you to stay single too. If you are dating poor choices, sinning in your relationships, and not being a respectful person to the opposite sex, you will be single because of your own choices.
But if you are stepping out in faith and seeking to honor God in your search for a spouse and you are still single, the most likely reason is that God is keeping you single because he knows what is best for you right now. Perhaps you are ready but your future spouse is not ready. Perhaps you still have some maturing to do. Or perhaps God wants you to use your time to serve him in a different way at this point in your life.
God May Be Keeping You Single If You Are Actively Rebelling Against Him
Perhaps the most common reason God keeps people single is because they are actively rebelling against him in their lives. Unlike point 1 where you could be lacking the general maturity needed to function well in Christian marriage, my point here is that if you are actively engaged in sinful behavior God will most likely not bless you with a Christian marriage.
God will not keep you single as punishment. God will not let you get married as a reward for good behavior. Rather, God will keep you single if you are rebelling in sin because he knows marriage plus sin equals trouble for everyone.
God is sparing you more pain by keeping you unmarried if you are in a season of active rebellion. To think that you can enter into a holy union when you are living an unholy life is just not true. No one is perfect. Singleness is not the requirement for a Christian marriage. But if you are running from God he will often keep you single in kindness and so you don’t hurt yourself more.
So if you know there is a certain reoccurring sin in your life that you are truly struggling to overcome, this could be a sign that God is keeping you single.