By the term “easy relationship,” I’m not talking about a perfect relationship that never has any issues and never has any hard moments. But having hard moments and difficult seasons in a relationship is different than having an overall “hard relationship” that is mostly difficult with just short seasons of peace now and then.
With that said, here are 4 hard things God often uses to get you ready to be in an easy relationship.
1. God Will Let You Get Burned If You Are Not Heeding His Warnings to Not Play with Fire
When God warns us, “Bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33), we often say to ourselves, “Yes, I know this person has major character issues, but they love me so much and treat me well.”
When God says, “Flee from sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:18), we often think, “Yes, but if I just look at a little porn and masturbate just when I really need to, this will help me avoid premarital sex.”
When God says, “Make no friendship with a man given to anger” (Proverbs 22:24), we justify someone’s anger by saying, “Well, they are just passionate about our relationship, that’s why they yell at me so much.”
God’s warnings are always given in love. God wants us to be in a good relationship that is overall easy and peaceful rather that mostly stressful and warlike. So he wants us to listen to the warnings and obey; but if we are unwilling to listen to his warning, he will teach us not to play with fire by letting us get burned (Psalm 32:3-6).
2. God Will Teach You Who You Don’t Have an Easy Relationship with to Help Lead You to the Person You Will Have an Easy Relationship With
When we are young, we are almost always interested in people from the opposite sex for the wrong reasons.
We get overly focused on external traits like a woman’s hair color or a man’s height. We get too infatuated with someone’s social skills and how funny they are. And we forget that just because someone is a great boyfriend or girlfriend does not mean they possess the qualities needed to be a great husband or wife.
But if we are Christians, God is our Father (1 John 3:1); and a father’s job is to lovingly mature his children (Hebrews 12:7). In love God matures us in this area and often teaches us through relationships that don’t work out what we will need in a relationship for it to work out.
Through hard relationships that end, God is crystalizing for us what is needed to have an easy relationship that survives through hard moments and trials (Proverbs 31:30).
3. God Will Teach You How to Forgive and Reconcile So You Can Enjoy an Easy Relationship One Day
Bitterness and resentment always harden the heart. As we’ve been saying, no relationship will be perfect. Even in an “easy relationship,” every moment won’t always be easy. You will say the wrong things sometimes. Your feelings will get hurt by this person at some point. Even if you both are mature Christians, you are still imperfect people who will act imperfectly (Romans 3:23, 1 John 1:8).
Therefore, to keep an “easy relationship” easy, you have to learn how to quickly forgive and reconcile rather than making bad moments even worse. When we don’t know how to forgive and reconcile, little issues can spiral out of control and turn into big issues.
Ephesians 4:26-27 states, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” You’re going to get angry sometimes, and that’s okay. But if you dwell on the anger and you don’t solve issues quickly, you are giving the devil a foothold in this relationship.
So before you can really enjoy an easy relationship, you have to learn the hard lessons that will teach you how to truly forgive and reconcile with someone rather than expecting them to always be perfect in every little way (Ephesians 4:31-32).
4. God Will Train You to Have the Character and Relationship Tools to Get Through the Hard Moments that Come in an Easy Relationship
Easy relationships don’t have less issues. Rather, easy relationships are comprised of people who have learned to deal with issues better than most people. Life and relationships are never going to be easy. But when we are mature and wise in the Lord, things always get a whole lot easier (Acts 26:14, Proverbs 15:10, Proverbs 13:15).
Therefore, when God leads you to the right person, don’t assume a hard moment or season means they are the wrong person. But overall, your relationship with this person should be “easier” in the sense that you get along better than you do with other people, you connect more seamlessly with each other than you do with other people, and there is a lack of confusion and strife when it comes to your shared goals and values.
(Related Article: 5 Unpleasant Things God Will Do When You Meet The One)