Psalm 32:8
Why would God let you think you’ve met “the one” even though he knew this person was really not the one for you? Here are 4 possible reasons to consider.
1. Because This Is a Part of Your Journey of Maturing for the Marriage He Does Have for You
To better understand how God matures us for marriage, let’s take a step back and think about the common career path a person goes on. Oftentimes someone graduates high school and then goes to college. After college they usually get an entry level position in their chosen field. They then spend a few years in that position and either get promoted or switch companies to advance in their career. At this point, somewhere in their 30s or 40s, they typically have enough experience to go after the career they really desire.
Here’s what doesn’t happen for the normal person’s career path: They graduate high school and instantly find their dream job.
This same process often occurs in relationships too. I’m not saying it’s the exact same or that you can only meet the one in your 30s or 40s. I’m simply stating that normally people have to go through some barriers and trials to gain the maturity to be in the marriage God has for them one day. And sometimes, God will allow you to have a serious relationship with someone who is not the one as a way of preparing for the marriage he does want you in one day.
May we submit to the truth found in Psalm 32:8, “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.”
2. To Expose Errors in Your Relationship Processing Skills
Now, please note that in the previous point I was not saying God will make you believe someone is the one who is not the one just to mature you. Rather, I’m saying God may allow you to wrongly assume something but then he can use that wrong assumption for your good by his grace.
Through that painful experience, God will often help you expose what errors led you to make such a wrong assumption about this person who ended up not being your future spouse. Was it infatuation? Was it sexual sin that blinded you to red flags? Or was it simply a lack of patience and you just needed more time to get to know this person and realize you two were not a good fit?
Either way, one reason God may have let you assume someone was the one who was not the one was to help you root out any bad thinking and processing skills so you gain the biblical knowledge to actually know when you do meet the one God has for you. If you are humble, God will correct you and mature you (Psalm 25:9).
3. Because He Gives You Freedom to Truly Make Decisions of Consequence
People often struggle to imagine how God can be totally in control because this makes us feel like we are robots without any real choices in life. However, when you read the Bible, you know nothing could be further from the truth.
God is sovereign and really does have a plan for everything. However, God’s sovereignty does not operate through brute force and making people do things they are not freely choosing to do. Rather, God is so sovereign that he brings about his plan through the free choices of people. Obviously we can’t fully comprehend how this all happens. But we don’t need to fully understand it. We need to fully accept it.
God is sovereign and we make choices that have both good and bad consequences. The same is true when it comes to our thoughts about the one. God is not going to micromanage your thought life. If you come to believe someone is the one even though they are not the, this was your choice. We can’t demand freedom and then blame God when we make bad choices (Proverbs 19:3).
Rather, we must trust that even when we live imperfectly, we can return to God, live by grace, and trust that he is still sovereign enough to produce the good plan he has for us despite our imperfections (Romans 8:28-30, Genesis 50:20).
4. To Draw You Closer to Himself
While relationships and marriage are good things from God, ultimately everything comes back to God himself. Whether it be through pain or joy, God knows the most loving thing he can do is to increase our connection with him.
As Jeremiah 31:11 states, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.”
Here’s a three part video series to help you know how to actually know when God is revealing the one: 3 Ways God Will Reveal The One to You.