Proverbs 10:9-10
Here are 4 unclear things that actually bring a lot of clarity about if God wants you to date someone or not.
1. Praying for an Answer that Never Comes
There are some decisions in life you can just make without having a lot of confirmation about. You don’t need a clear answer from God to do something simple and non-sinful, like going on one date with another Christian single person. Yes, pray about it and ask God for guidance. But if you are still unclear about what to do, sometimes it’s best to just make a move to see what happens.
But when the stakes are high and the decision has much weightier consequences, this lack of clarity about what to do should not be met with a decision to just move ahead anyways. For example, when it comes to deciding to marry someone or make a big life decision, you should only do these things once you know for certain what God is leading you to do.
In fact, if you pray and pray for clarity about a big decision but you still have no clarity about what to do, usually this is actually God saying “no” to this thing you are asking about. If you need a yes to move forward but there is just silence, oftentimes this silence is actually your no.
Why? Because God doesn’t expect you to make big decisions on a whim. And if you never get the clarity you need to move forward, this means God doesn’t ever want you to move forward in this area. If God wanted you to date or marry someone, eventually he would give you that clarity. If the clarity never comes, usually this is a clear sign this relationship is not meant to be.
Even when the clarity never comes, God calls us to keep trusting him, “Lord, my heart is not proud; my eyes are not haughty. I don’t concern myself with matters too great or too awesome for me to grasp” (Psalm 131:2, NLT).
2. This Person’s Continued Ambiguity Is a Clear Sign It’s Not Meant to Be
The word “ambiguity” means, “the quality of being open to more than one interpretation; inexactness.”
Have you ever interacted with someone like this? It’s like they are speaking in riddles that could mean they love you or don’t love you. They say things like:
- “Well, right now I don’t see us dating. But I definitely could see us together one day.”
- “I’m not saying you should wait for me. But maybe one day God will put us together.”
- “I really like you, but right now God is telling me to just focus on him. But do you want to go on a date tomorrow as friends?”
It’s normal for a relationship to go through seasons of ambiguity and confusion. But if someone is continually unclear, this is a clear sign they are just playing games. As Proverbs 10:9-10 explains, “Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out. Whoever winks the eye causes trouble, and a babbling fool will come to ruin.”
Relationships really aren’t that confusing when two people like each other and have integrity. If someone likes you, they say they like you and then want to date you. If they are saying and doing unclear things, babbling like a fool and not making sense, stop wasting your time and move on.
3. Their Silence Is Their Answer
They won’t ignore you if they want to be with you (Ester 1:12).
We usually equate clarity with communication. We think to know someone’s feelings about us, we need to hear it from their own mouths. We want someone to say, “Yes, I like you” or “No, I will never date you ever.” Many times, however, humans speak through silence and distance.
While you may crave to have that one conversation with this person to get absolute closure and clarity about the possibility of a relationship with this person, accept their silence as their clear answer.
4. A Mismatch Between Words and Deeds Is a Sign Not Date Someone
While most know that someone’s deeds must backup their words, we often forget that people’s words also need to backup their deeds.
Some people will treat you okay with their deeds but they will starve you of affectionate words. Or worse, they may be verbally abusive even though they are not physically abusive and perhaps even treat you well with material gifts.
Just as Jesus requires us to profess our belief verbally and in actions (Matthew 7:21-22, Matthew 10:33), this principle should extend into our human relationships as well.
While it might be tempting to hang onto the bit of good you see in someone’s words even though their actions are lacking or to hold onto their actions even though their words are lacking, you have to remember that when the relationship is healthy, the words and deeds will both be present.
