I firmly believe that a woman should be free to wear whatever she wants to wear. However, I also believe that a man has the right to feel however he wants to feel about what she wears.
In other words, in this article, I’m not trying to provide women with a legalistic dress code that gives specific wardrobe rules. Rather, my intention for this video is to provide you with biblical principles on how to present yourself as a godly woman so that a godly man will be attracted to you.
Again, it’s your choice to dress how you want to dress. Even if you choose to dress sinfully, God allows you to choose sin. He respects our free will and lets us reap what we sow, even if we are going to sow something terrible for ourselves (Galatians 6:7-9). It’s not a man’s job to control a woman. It is a man’s job, however, to protect himself from a woman who is using her appearance in ungodly ways.
Therefore, if you are a single Christian woman and you want to be married to a godly man one day, here are 4 things you should never wear.
1. You Should Never Wear Something that Is Rooted in a Motive to Make Yourself Beautiful
Scripture provides women (and men) with a nuanced view on clothing and apparel. It tells us to look at our motives. Rather than having the motive to make yourself beautiful through your external appearance, Scripture states a woman should know her beauty in Christ and then dress in a way that properly reflects her internal beauty.
For example, in 1 Peter 3:1-6, it doesn’t actually say what a woman should or should not wear. It actually says a woman should not try to beautify (adorn) herself through her external appearance. Rather, when it comes to looking beautiful to a godly man, Peter tells women that they should make it their goal for the man to “see your respectful and pure conduct” (1 Peter 3:2). He states that it’s the internal qualities that are imperishable that truly make a woman look beautiful to a godly man (1 Peter 3:4).
Thus, rather than having a list of approved articles of clothing versus a list of forbidden clothing, you want to look at your motives and ask yourself, “Why am I wearing this? Am I wearing this because I don’t feel beautiful and, therefore, I want men to look at me and make me feel beautiful? Or am I wearing this because I know I’m beautiful as God’s daughter and this clothing reflects this truth well?”
2. You Should Never Wear Anything that You Wouldn’t Want Certain People to See You Wearing
Many women struggle to know where the line is. Is that dress too short? Are those pants too tight? Is that shirt cut too low? Again, I’m not going to give you a legalistic rule to follow. You really do need to follow the Holy Spirit’s leading of your conscience (Romans 14:22-23).
However, it can be helpful to have some ways of answering those grey areas when you are unsure. One tip is to ask yourself, “Is there anywhere that I would feel embarrassed to wear this outfit?” One trait of godliness is integrity and consistency. When we act differently in different places, that is a sign of a problem in our hearts.
Therefore, if you only want to wear those shorts when you are hanging out with your unsaved friends but you would never wear those same shorts to a church event, that is a sign you should never wear those shorts anywhere. If you would only wear that shirt when your crush is present but you would never wear that shirt when your pastor and his wife are present, that is a sign you should never wear that shirt.
A godly man is looking for a woman who is godly all the time, not just when certain people are watching (1 Thessalonians 2:4).
3. You Should Never Wear Anything that Is Specifically Designed to Draw the Eyes to a Sexually Stimulating Area of Your Body
This is the closest I will get to giving you specific guidelines to follow when it comes to clothing choices. I don’t think this is a specific guideline as there is still a lot of subjectivity to it. What is a “sexually stimulating area of your body?” That question is hard to answer for everyone.
However, to be blunt and honest, breasts and butts are at the top of the list. I’m not trying to be crude. I’m just being honest. Everyone knows this. It’s not controversial for me to say this unless you just want to be argumentative. We can debate other topics, but clearly men are attracted to the butt and breasts of women more than other parts of a woman’s body.
Therefore, the principle I’m offering here is that you should not wear clothing that is obviously designed to draw the human eye to those areas of your body. Again, this is subjective and thus you will need to follow your conscience and the Spirit’s leading. But if you believe a shirt is meant to draw attention to your breasts, don’t wear it. If your shorts or pants are meant to make your butt more noticeable, don’t wear them.
And to be clear, I’m not telling you to hide these areas of your body. I’m just saying you should not be going out of your way to emphasize these areas of your body in a greater way than you are doing for other areas of your body. You should never feel shame about having the body parts God has given you. Physical attraction is a blessing from God. I’m simply pointing out that certain clothes sexualize you intentionally, and a godly woman shouldn’t want to be manipulated like that by clothing companies and this evil culture.
Lastly, in regards to this point, I’m not saying it’s your job to make sure a man doesn’t lust after you. I believe you should dress modestly because that is how you want to dress, because you want to honor the Lord with your body.
It is a man’s fault if he lusts after a woman. Period. Even if a woman is dressing in an overly provocative way that is clearly meant to draw a man’s attention to her in a sexual way, it is still a man’s responsibility not to lust after her. There is never an excuse for lust. I will never blame a woman for a man lusting after her as that is unbiblical (James 1:13-15).
However, just know that God tells men to avoid looking at what causes them to lust. You can wear whatever you want. (I’m not saying you should wear whatever you want; I’m just saying it’s your choice to wear what you will wear.) But if a man thinks you are dressing in a lustful way, it’s his biblical obligation to avoid you (1 Corinthians 6:18, Proverbs 5:8). It’s not his job to tell you what to wear. But it is his job to avoid temptation.
Therefore, if you want a godly man to be around you, avoid clothing that has a sexual agenda.
4. You Should Never Wear Something Just Because It Is Socially Acceptable
You don’t need to justify your clothing choices to other people. If you feel absolutely fine about something and you think God is pleased with what you are wearing, more power to you. I would encourage you to be humble enough to at least consider what people are saying, but your clothing is your choice.
However, oftentimes we feel bad about our clothing choices and want to ease our own conscience. We can justify wearing things that we feel are wrong by saying something to ourselves like, “Everyone wears this,” or “This is normal nowadays.”
Normal does not equal right. Just because something is normal doesn’t mean it’s moral. Throughout human history, many sinful things have been normalized. In fact, if you look like the world around you, which means you look normal in your culture, there’s a good chance you’re doing something wrong. In many ways, we should look different as Christians. Romans 12:1-2 states:
I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
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