Yes, it’s your job as a man to pursue your future wife. However, your future wife will need to be able to notice you once you do find her. You can help her see you as her future husband by doing certain things.
Therefore, here are 4 things God will often lead a man to do so his future wife can notice him.
And if any of you are interested in my biblical relationship training courses at AGW University, I am offering a scholarship to everyone who enrolls before November 20th by 11:59pm. Click here to learn more.
1. Pursue Her Because You Want Her, Not Because You Need Her
In a way, a husband and wife should need each other. So I’m not saying you should be indifferent towards a woman you want to marry. But in the ultimate sense, we must be fully dependent on God for our most important needs.
Many men make the mistake of pursuing a woman because they have unmet needs in their heart that only God can fill. A mature Christian woman will feel this in a man. She will sense he is asking her to be something she can never be.
Ironically, the more a man makes a woman feel like he will not be okay without her, the less she wants to be with him. She doesn’t want to be with a man whose identity is dependent on her. She wants to be with a man who is already strong and secure without her. She wants to be wanted by this type of man.
She knows the woman is supposed to be the weaker vessel and that the husband is called to honor and protect her (1 Peter 3:7). A godly woman doesn’t want a man to come to her for strength. She wants her future husband to come to her and offer the strength he already has from Jesus.
2. Reveal Your Feelings for Her More Than She Is Revealing Her Feelings for You
As a Christian man, you already know it’s your job to pursue. But how do you actually do this specifically? There is no exact way a man should pursue a woman. He should do what is true of him. This is why every man’s pursuit will look a little different. Like artists who will never create the exact same piece of art as someone else, God wants his sons to pursue their future wives in ways that are true of each of them.
So rather than give us a rigid blueprint that we all must follow like a math formula, God has given us biblical principles to help guide us in our pursuit of our wives. Every moral law in Scripture, for example, should obviously guide the way you pursue. In other words, we must never do anything that would violate what God has said in his word.
When it comes to the positive, God has called the husband to lead (Ephesians 5:23). Therefore, while each relationship will look differently, I believe it is a good principle that every man should be revealing his feelings a little more than the woman during the beginning stages of the relationship. Some women will be very guarded while some will be very open. But if you want a woman to see you as her future husband, you need to make her feel pursued, thus you should exceed her openness in expressing your feelings for each other.
If she’s being more open than you, she will feel like she is pursuing you, thus seeing you as a weak man. However, when she sees you risking rejection by leading through being more open than her about your feelings, she will respect you and be attracted to you.
3. Help Her Feel Like a Beautiful Woman By Allowing Her to Motivate Your Manliness
One of the primary motivating factors that make men and women want to be in relationships with each other is that we make each other feel more masculine or feminine. A man will gravitate towards the woman who makes him feel more like a man. Likewise, a woman will be drawn to the man that knows how to make her feel more like a woman.
How can you do this? Allow her beauty to arouse your manliness. When she sees the effect her femininity has on your masculinity, she will feel the weight of her own beauty. When a strong man is affected by the beauty of a woman, that woman feels very beautiful, which is exactly how women want to feel.
Don’t be too guarded. Yes, guard your heart (Proverbs 4:23). Don’t rush the relationship and scare her away (Song of Solomon 8:4). But when the right moments arise, don’t try to play it too cool. Allow her to see that you actually like her and are wowed by her femininity (Proverbs 30:18-19).
4. Spend Time in Places Where You Two Are Likely to Meet
How can your future wife notice you when you are alone? If you rarely go out in public, the odds are against you. If you rarely spend time in Christian communities where godly women tend to be, you are unlikely to meet a godly woman.
Yes, God is sovereign and he is the one who will bring your future wife into your life (Ephesians 1:11). However, God has also chosen to include our choices into his will for us (Ephesians 5:15). Thus, when you make wise choices that make logical sense, you tend to experience what you want to experience more often than when you act illogically.
If you want a godly woman to notice you, you need to spend time around godly women.
For more information about AGW University and the current scholarship, click here before November 20th.
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