I believe God allows us to experience disappointments in life so that we can experience something even better. In other words, we often have to let go of what we thought we needed and wanted so we can then receive what God knows we actually need and want.
This is true when it comes to meeting your spouse. In love, God often prepares you for marriage by allowing you to go through some disappointments. In these disappointments, the Lord will sanctify and mature you so that you will be able to receive what he wants to bless you with.
Therefore, before God reveals the one to you, here are 5 disappointments you often have to go through.
1. Before God Reveals The One, Usually You Will Be Disappointed About His Timing
Maybe you always dreamed about marrying young. As you approach your 40s, you might be disappointed that you are still single.
Or maybe you know you were not ready for marriage because you were living a sinful lifestyle. But you’ve been repenting and you feel like you are mature enough for marriage now. And yet, for some reason, it’s not happening.
Or maybe you wanted to get through college and have a good job before marriage. However, God brought the one into your life and you now know you two should get married sooner than you originally wanted.
While each of our stories are different, it is common to be disappointed about the timing when it comes to getting married. Whether it happens too slow or too fast, in love, God will use this disappointment to increase your trust in his sovereign ability to work all things for good (Romans 8:28, Ephesians 1:11).
2. Before God Reveals The One, Usually You Will Be Disappointed When You Realize Who Is Not The One
It is rare for someone to marry the first person they have strong feelings for. In fact, for most of us, God uses multiple disappointments about someone we thought was the one who ends up not being the one. Through experiencing these types of letdowns, God wants to teach us that only he can provide us with what our hearts really need.
While marriage is good, it cannot provide us with the perfect love our hearts crave. When you realize someone is not the one that you hoped was the one, this pain provides an opening for the love of God to come in. We feel anew the amazing truth expressed in Romans 5:5, “God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”
When you know you are loved by God and you are filled with his goodness, this actually prepares you to love your future spouse (1 John 4:7).
3. Before God Reveals The One, Usually He Will Let You Be Disappointed About What Relationships Can Really Offer You
As one famous actor said, “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.” As Christians, we know the answer is Christ alone.
And yet, in sin, we often put our hope in things like relationships. We imagine, “Once I finally get married, then I know I will finally feel happy on the inside.” However, once you get into a relationship, even if that relationship is very good and biblical, you will realize it’s not what you need most.
Through being disappointed about what a relationship can offer you, God will increase your dependence on him. Not only does this cause us to have the true source of joy our hearts have always been looking for, but being joyful in Christ allows us to then enjoy other blessings in pleasurable and healthy ways (1 Timothy 6:17).
4. Before God Reveals The One, Usually You Will Be Disappointed By How Hard Your Relationship Will Be with Your Future Spouse
If the relationship is just hard, it probably means this person is not the one. However, never think that a hard relationship is the same thing as a bad relationship.
A bad relationship hurts you, it pulls you away from God, and it creates new wounds that will need to be healed. A good relationship that is hard, however, will help your walk with God, it will force you to confront old wounds so God can heal you, and it will increase your ability to love God and other people.
At first, when it gets hard, you will be disappointed because you may have imagined everything to be so different. But take heart, in the midst of the struggle, God will do amazing things that you will be so happy about once you go through them (Romans 5:3-5).
5. Before God Reveals The One, Usually We Get Disappointed with Ourselves Because of Our Imperfections
One of the most surprising benefits of meeting the person you will marry is that you both will be used by God to root out hidden sins in each other. I’m not saying you should be looking for sin in each other or judging one another. Rather, I’m saying that in the midst of loving another person, sins occur. When they do, God wants you to forgive each other and help each other grow.
At first you will be so disappointed with yourself. You will want to love this person perfectly, but you will make a lot of mistakes. Stick with it. As this person forgives you and as you forgive them, your love for each other and your love for Christ will actually keep growing deeper and deeper (Proverbs 27:17).