Is it possible that you, as a woman, are pushing good Christian men away from you because you are unknowingly projecting a masculine vibe? Yes.
Here are 5 signs you are making yourself less attractive to strong, masculine Christian men by projecting masculine qualities rather than feminine qualities.
1. If You’re Fighting for His Respect Rather Than Embracing His Love, You Are Pushing Him Away
The Bible tells men and women to submit to each other (Ephesians 5:21) and to love each other (Ephesians 5:1-2). So of course men should respect and love women and women should respect and love men.
However, when you read Ephesians 5:22-33, there is clearly an emphasis on a man loving his wife and a woman respecting her husband. For example, Ephesians 5:33 states, “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
This emphasis here doesn’t mean men can be disrespectful to their wives or that wives can be unloving towards their husbands. Rather, the emphasis is here because the way a man and woman will receive love and respect is different because their roles are different.
For example, a woman will feel loved when a man protects her and provides for her. A man, however, doesn’t want to be protected and provided for by a woman because that’s his job. Rather, he wants his wife to be happy and respect him for being a good man to her.
All that to say, if you are fighting for equality in the relationship by requiring sameness, you are acting masculine and asking him to be feminine. A strong man won’t put up with this. He doesn’t want a woman who wants to play his role as the husband. He wants a wife who wants to be loved by him as he plays his role as the husband.
2. If You Are Valuing Your Career Over Motherhood, You Will Be Pushing Masculine Men Away from You
I didn’t say it’s wrong for you to value your career. I’m not saying it’s sinful for women to work. Proverbs 31:16, “She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.”
However, I do believe a mother’s role as the mother does require her to emphasize the health of her children over the health of her career. When she has children, her service to them is one of the main fruits in her life that will be present because of her faith in God (1 Timothy 2:15). In other words, when we have faith in God, we do what God wants, and God wants mothers to raise healthy children (Titus 2:3-5).
A man’s service to his family will come through his fatherly care and presence as dad (Ephesians 6:4). He needs to put his children above his career too. But his fatherly role also requires him to be the provider and protector. Thus his emphasis on leaving the kids to go to work to provide for the kids is different than the mother doing the same thing (if that income is not needed). Of course if they both need to work to make ends meet, that’s one thing. But if both the mom and dad are trying to be the provider and the protector, the kids will suffer because who will then be the nurturer and manager?
A godly man won’t want to be with a woman like this because he doesn’t need a woman like this. He knows he needs a woman to do the things he can’t do, like be a mother. He doesn’t need a woman to do the things he knows he can do, like be a father.
In short, he will look for a woman who can be a good mother, not a good provider.
3. If You’re Presenting Yourself as a Problem to Be Solved Rather than as a Peace to Be Pursued, You Are Pushing Him Away
A good man should certainly be in-tune with what a woman needs from him. But this is different than being a high-maintenance woman who finds pleasure in being his problem to solve.
You may fall into this category if you consider yourself “a boss chick,” “sassy,” or “too much to handle for most men.” Many women wear these titles as a badge of honor. But the only one applauding is their girlfriends. The godly men you want sees these titles as red flags to avoid. Why?
Because a man’s job is to solve problems. When he’s out in the world, other men and women present him problems that he gets paid to solve. At best, you will be seen as a feminine headache he wants to avoid. At worse, he will see you as a masculine headache he wants to avoid.
Don’t seek to be another problem he needs to solve. Rather, add peace to his life. He will enjoy you then and want to pursue you. As Proverbs 31:10-12 states, “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.”
4. If You’re Treating Your Own Body Like a Worldly Man Treats His Own Body By Sleeping Around, You Will Be Pushing a Godly Man Away from You
The feminist movement rightly pointed out the double standard between men and women regarding premarital sex; but it wrongly solved this problem by encouraging women to sleep around just like them men were doing.
The biblical solution to this very real double standard is not to give women the free pass to have sex before marriage but rather to hold Christian men to the same standard that we hold Christian women to.
And while men should hold themselves to the same standard as they hold women to, it’s also true that women need to hold men to that same standard. One reason for this double standard is because Christian men act on their concerns and don’t date women who sleep around. Christian women, however, often don’t hold men to the same standard and often will date men who sleep around. Men care about a woman’s sexual history, but most women don’t care as much about a man’s sexual history. That’s one big reason there’s a double standard. Men hold women accountable but women often don’t hold men accountable. They just date worldly men and accept their sin and get dragged into sexual sin by these worldly men.
If you are sleeping around like a worldly man, don’t be surprised if a Christian man sees you in a masculine way and then is not attracted to you. If you want to attract a godly man who respects your body in dating and wants to enjoy your body in marriage, you need to reject the guys who are not acting like godly men (1 Corinthians 6:18).
5. If You’re Trying to Teach a Man and Be His Spiritual Mentor, You Are Acting Masculine and He Will Not Be as Attracted to You
A woman can be a spiritual encouragement to a man. But she should not be teaching him, mentoring him, or leading him (1 Timothy 2:12, Titus 2:3-4). He needs other men in his life to do this.
If you get sucked into this type of dynamic, this man will eventually see you in a masculine way and lose any attraction to you as a woman.
Related Article: 5 Biblical Things the Women Do That Men Find Attractive