Here are 6 signs someone is afraid of falling in love with you.
1. You Are a Very Important Friend for Them
One of the main dangers of becoming very close friends with someone from the opposite sex is that if you ever want to be something more with this person, you will be forced to sacrifice what you have with this person.
Lots of people pretend like they can go back to just being friends after one of them expressed a desire for something more or they tried to date, but in reality we all know there is no truly going back once you cross that line, which is why we are told to make sure the time is right before trying to awaken love (Song of Solomon 8:4).
In my opinion, it’s almost always worth the risk to try to date a good friend. For one, single friends from the opposite sex will not be close forever anyways once one of them starts dating and gets married. Therefore, you might as well risk the friendship because it’s not going to last. Additionally, the fact that you have a good friendship is a great sign you might make a great couple too, as friendship is one of the best foundations for long-term romance.
All that to say, if you have a close friend that really relies on your friendship, they may have “friend-zoned” you because they don’t want to risk losing you. The only way forward may be for you to take this risk yourself. Perhaps once you cross that line, they will then be willing to take the risk because you’ve changed the friendship anyways now by expressing your interest.
For more on this, here’s a related article: Can Men and Women Really Be Just Friends?
2. They Have Been Hurt Very Badly in the Past
Sometimes people’s fears having nothing to do with you. Rather, their growing affection for you may just be triggering a fear of getting hurt again like they did in the past.
If you know someone was hurt badly in a relationship before, you may just need to be extra patient with them (1 Corinthians 13:4). Show them you are trustworthy by taking things slow. But eventually, if they can’t get past their old fears, there’s not much you can do for them. You will need to move on as you can’t be controlled by someone’s past.
3. Your Former Self Left a Bad Impression on Them
Thankfully God changes us by grace. We don’t need to keep being the person we once were. With that said, if you did something hurtful to someone in the past, even though you have really changed now, it’s not unreasonable for this person to be leery of you.
It’s easy to say you are different. But they need time to actually see you behave differently over a consistent period of time before they will begin to believe your claims.
While forgiveness is always required as Christians, reconciliation is not. If you’ve done something in the past that hurt someone, it’s always possible they will never want to be romantically in love with you again.
Do what you can to reconcile (Romans 12:18), but if they don’t want to, you have to accept this and move on.
For more on this, here’s a related article: How to Get Someone to Forgive You.
4. They’ve Made Bad Choices that Have Hurt People in the Past
One of the worst kinds of pain is the realization of how much you have hurt someone else. If someone knows they made huge mistakes in the past that hurt their loved ones, they may be so afraid of hurting other people that they are refusing to love anyone.
Ultimately a person struggling with this needs to embrace the gospel. Only through Jesus can we become a new creation by grace and through faith (2 Corinthians 5:17, Ephesians 2:8-10).
5. It Seems Like You Love Someone Else
We all want to be loved by the person that we love. If you seem like you are still in love with your ex or you have a close friend from the opposite sex you spend a lot of time with, this will scare other people away from loving you.
The deepest form of love between a man and woman is supposed to be an exclusive love just between them (Ephesians 5:31, Hebrews 13:4). If you want someone to love you, they have to know you are not in love with someone else.
6. You Are Afraid of Falling in Love with Them
We often want the other person to risk something first. But again, every human heart wants to be met with a love that matches their own. Therefore, one reason someone may be afraid of falling in love with you is because they sense a fear in you about falling in love with them.
As Jesus said, “And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them” (Luke 6:31). Love is always a risk. If you want someone to take a risk in loving you, you have to be willing to take a risk in loving them.
