4 Tests a Christian Woman Should Use on a Man

Does he like you? Is he a good man? Will God lead this man to pursue you? If you enter into a relationship with this man, will he treat you biblically?

While many women test men in unhelpful ways, there are good ways to test a man. Therefore, here are 4 tests you can use to know the truth about a man.

Test 1: To Test a Man, Do More

When you read the Bible, it is filled with stories about God using his sovereign power to bring about his sovereign will. However, these stories always include human choices too.

For example, I was just reading Joshua 6-7. God gives Joshua a plan that includes marching around Jericho and making a lot of noise so that the walls come down. He then tells them to destroy almost everything. Things go pretty much according to plan.

However, the next city they need to destroy is far smaller with no huge walls. So Joshua sends less men, but these men are defeated. God says they lost this battle because someone in Israel took devoted things for himself from Jericho. God then has each clan, each family, and then each man tested before finally Achan is revealed as the traitor. Only after Israel stones him and destroys everything he owns does the favor of the Lord return.

The reason I’m highlighting this story is because it’s an example of how God could do everything on his own, but he chooses to use our actions. God could have just sent lightning bolts on Jericho instead of having them march and blow trumpets. God could have just told Joshua outright that it was Achan who brought the curse, but God used a process for Israel to discover the traitor themselves.

Likewise, if you want to know the truth about a man, don’t be passive. The more you interreact with this man, the more opportunities you will have to witness his reactions. You will then gain evidence for how he may feel about you.

Test 2: To Test a Man, Do Less

Okay, let’s say you’ve been interacting with a guy and he seems to be responding positively. However, nothing is really progressing. He only responds well to you; he’s not being proactive himself. What then?

Now would be a great time to do less. You can use this tactic in a worldly, manipulative way, like playing hard to get. That’s not what I’m advocating for. Rather, I’m saying that if a man is not pursue you, you should do the logical thing, which is to move on.

You don’t have to cut him off totally, block him on social media, and make him your enemy. But if he’s not pursuing you, you should assume he’s not going to pursue you. Let his actions speak for him.

This has two benefits. First, you will be guarding your heart well (Proverbs 4:23) by not wasting your time on a passive guy. Second, you will help motivate him by showing him he is going to miss his opportunity with you. If he doesn’t do anything after you start doing less, that means he’s fine with missing his chance with you. If he actually likes you, he will see that you are withdrawing a bit and he will pursue you so you know he doesn’t want to lose you.

Again, you may think this is worldly, but did you know God does the same thing? When people don’t pursue God or they are choosing to live in sin, they do lose closeness with his Spirit. They can always repent and come back to him, but God doesn’t remain close to people who don’t want to remain close to him (James 4:8).

Test 3: To Test a Man, Say Yes

Many women want to know what will happen if they give a guy a chance because they don’t want to get hurt. That’s fair. We are called to guard our hearts and we certainly don’t want to make the same mistakes twice. However, if you have been hurt by a guy in the past after you gave him a chance, the solution to not get hurt again is not to avoid giving all other guys a chance with you.

If a man has done everything right, he’s been respectful, and now he wants to go on a date with you or get into an official relationship with you, you’re not going to know what will happen unless you give him a chance. To test a man, you have to give him an opportunity to be tested.

The key here is to say yes in incremental ways that are wise. In other words, don’t jump ahead too far. Don’t go on a date with a man you met 5 seconds ago. Don’t get into a relationship with a man you’ve gone on one date with. Don’t marry a man you’ve dated for five weeks. But when an appropriate amount of testing has occurred during the phase you are in, you have to let him enter into the next phase with you if you want to see more truths.

Another key is to reject him once he stops passing the tests. Sometimes a guy will past enough tests to get to be your boyfriend, but then in dating, he might start failing. Don’t stick with him just because you are more attached to him now.

Follow the principles God uses. He only gives those much who have first been faithful with little (Matthew 25:21).

Test 4: To Test a Man, Say No

I’m not saying you should reject a man if you want to accept him. However, sometimes a guy will seem like prince charming simply because you are bending over backwards to do everything he wants.

If things feel rushed and you don’t want to go on a date with him yet, say something like, “I’d prefer not to go on a date yet. But I would also like to get to know you more. Perhaps we could go on a date after talking on the phone a few more times.”

If you’ve been going on dates but he wants to be something more while you are not ready, say, “I’m not ready to commit to you yet, but I’m open to getting to know you more. Perhaps we could date if things keep going well.”

If you’re dating a guy and he wants to go to a certain restaurant but he’s always the one choosing where to eat, it would be wise to see how reacts to your opinion, “Would it be okay if we went to this other restaurant instead?”

Do you see the spirit and heart behind these “no” statements? Don’t be rude or needlessly difficult. But eventually you do need to see how a man responds to a no if you want to see his true heart towards you and his true character.

When God makes us wait to get what we want, it often reveals our true maturity level (Deuteronomy 8:2). This same principle should be applied in our human relationships too.

Another really important way a woman can test a man is by listening to the types of things he says to her. Here are 6 phrases the man God has for you will not say to you!