How will you know if you need to keep pushing past the barriers preventing you from being with a certain woman, or if these are signs from God that she’s simply not right for you?
Sometimes there are tests a man needs to pass before God will let him be with the woman he wants. At other times, God highlights issues that are not tests; rather, they are red flags telling the man to run in the other direction.
Here are 3 signs that could mean God is saying, “She is the wrong woman for you.”
1. God Could Be Saying, “She’s the Wrong Woman for You” If You’re Pursuing Her More than She Is Being Inviting Towards You
As a Christian man, you know and have accepted that it’s your job to pursue. However, hopefully you also know that a woman should positively respond to your pursuit and invite you to pursue her.
Never let the Christian female community trick you into thinking they have no role to play in the formation of a union. Yes, you must initiate and pursue, but she should also be doing things that let you know she wants to be pursued by you and enjoys it when you have pursued her. If you risk rejection, you deserve to be rewarded with clear acceptance if she is truly interested.
Notice what the woman says in Song of Solomon 1:1-4, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine . . . Draw me after you; let us run. The king has brought me into his chambers.” Yes, this couple was farther along in their relationship. But the principle is clear. She was not playing games. She was vulnerable enough to let him know that she wanted him too.
At the beginning of a connection between a man and woman, it’s pretty normal for a guy to do more pursuing than the woman is inviting. And yet, in an unhealthy dynamic, the woman has an entitled demeanor that makes you feel like you should continually chase her around in confusion, jump through hoops to spend time with her, and basically play childish games just to win her heart.
Again, you should pursue, but when God is leading you to be with a mature, godly woman, she will make you feel valuable, too. She will appreciate the efforts you are putting in to pursue her, and she will reward you with emotional clarity and continued invitations to keep pursuing her.
2. God Could Be Saying, “She’s the Wrong Woman for You” If You Are Stuck on Repeat with Her
Sometimes a man pursues a woman and she responds very positively, but then other things start to pull them apart as things get more and more serious:
- Perhaps just before you two exit the “getting to know you” phase to enter an official relationship, she gets cold feet and tells you she’s not ready for something serious right now.
- Maybe she starts out emotionally stable, but then after a few months, she always has a nervous breakdown about your relationship because she can’t sense if God wants you two together or not.
- Or it’s even possible that she somehow always brings out the worst in you, and no matter how hard you try, you always end up freaking out on her and separating from each other.
It’s not impossible for a man and a woman to experience something like this, grow, and then get back together and be healthy. The real issue is when a man and woman are in an endless cycle of connecting, disconnecting, and then reconnecting, over and over again.
2 Peter 2:22 states, “The dog returns to its own vomit, and the sow, after washing herself, returns to wallow in the mire.”
If you’re stuck on repeat with a woman, God is probably telling you it’s time to fully move on because she’s not the right woman for you.
3. God Is Saying, “She’s the Wrong Woman for You” If You Only Turn to Her When Your Relationship with God Is Not Going Well
Not only must you look at what effect this woman is having on your relationship with God, but you should also examine your own state of mind when you feel drawn to pursue her.
Are you filled with the Spirit when you start thinking about her? When you walk out of church, do you wish she were next to you? When you read Proverbs 31, does she come to mind? Or do you only get tempted to call her when you feel distant from God? Is she only on your mind after you’re leaving the bar? And is she the woman you think about when you feel lustful?
2 Timothy 2:22, “So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”
If you only turn to her when you are not turning to God, it’s clear that this is not the woman God wants for you.
Here’s a related article called 5 Biblical Marks of a Woman Who Would Complement (Not Complicate) Your Life.