Is this confusion just a normal part of getting to know someone before you two become an official couple? Or is this person playing games with you? Are you expecting too much clarity too soon? Or is this person wasting your time?
Here are 4 situations where God is probably saying, “That person is just messing with your head.”
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1. If They Give You a Lot of Attention from a Distance but Then Act Like They Barely Know You When You’re Face-to-Face
Digital communication is not the problem. Rather, digital communication often highlights the real problem.
When someone has low character and just wants to play games with you, oftentimes, they will lack the boldness to do this in person. Many people would be players if they had the guts. They lack character, but since they know what is socially acceptable, they behave on the outside. Inwardly, there are many who are actually wolves, but since they are sheepish in attitude and strength, they often act respectfully when in person.
This is why I said digital communication isn’t really the problem, but that it is simply exposing the real problem, which is a lack of character. Many people complain about online dating. But online dating is not the issue. The real issue is that this world is filled with people who lack a moral backbone and are selfish. When they are alone and safely hiding behind a screen, however, their true colors often show.
Someone who’s just messing with your head will send you long messages, like all your posts, reply quickly, and make you feel like there’s something real happening. But when you’re actually around each other, it’s like the connection disappears. They avoid eye contact, act detached, or treat you like an acquaintance.
Proverbs 12:22 says, “Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight.”
Don’t just analyze their words in private. Watch their behavior in public. That often reveals what’s real.
2. If They Are Flirtatious When You’re Alone But Cold When Others Are Around
Now I’m talking about the person who has bad character, but they are also bold enough to act on their sinful impulses when they are around you. However, this person will often be very forward and open when it’s just the two of you, but when other people are around, then they will act cold.
They do this because when a relationship is public, then it’s actually serious. The community holds a couple responsible and accountable. When someone’s just playing games, they keep it private so no one will call them out on their inconsistencies.
Luke 12:2 says, “Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known.”
Of course, not every connection needs to be public immediately. But if someone consistently hides their affection or acts embarrassed by your connection, it’s often a sign of manipulation.
1 John 1:5 says, “God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.” God works in the light. Satan works in the dark.
Ask yourself: Does this person treat me with honor when others are watching?
If the answer is no, you need to be cautious.
3. If They Make Big Promises About the Future But Never Come Through for You in the Present
One of the easiest ways to mess with someone’s head is through future promises.
- “I can see us getting married.”
- “I think God brought us together.”
- “I just need a little more time.”
When someone keeps force-feeding you hope while giving you no evidence in the present, it’s deception.
1 John 3:18 says, “Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.”
This doesn’t mean everything has to move fast. But it should be moving forward.
4. If They Are Insecure and Coping By Trying to Get Attention from the Opposite Sex
This one is subtle because insecurity can create sympathy.
You may see their wounds. You may understand their past. You may know why they crave validation. But understanding someone’s pain does not mean you should ignore how they use that pain in sinful ways.
Some insecure people cope by constantly seeking attention from the opposite sex. They flirt broadly, keep multiple emotional connections alive, and thrive on being wanted.
Why? Because attention from the opposite sex feels good. It becomes their medicine. It’s not that they actually like you. It’s that they are just using you.
Proverbs 27:20-21 (NLT) says, “Just as Death and Destruction are never satisfied, so human desire is never satisfied. Fire tests the purity of silver and gold, but a person is tested by being praised.” Praise can be intoxicating. When someone is hurting and they have not allowed God to fill their desires, they will often seek it from people, using others to make themselves feel better.
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