Here are 5 biblical reasons masturbation will ruin a marriage.
1. Masturbation Will Ruin a Marriage Because It Brings Sin Into the Relationship
I think most of you watching would agree that sin always hurts a marriage. However, some of you might not think masturbation is a sin.
Among married Christians, some say, “Well, if I’m thinking about my spouse when I do it, it’s not sinful.” Here are a few reasons why I disagree:
- 1 Corinthians 7:1-9 clearly teaches that there are only two options when dealing with sexual desires: abstinence or sex in marriage. Paul says single people who are burning with passion should seek marriage. And married people burning with passion should have sex. If they choose any other option, they have fallen to Satan’s temptation.
- In the Bible, masturbation is condemned through what’s condoned. Rather than listing every possible sexual sin, the Bible simply tells us how we ought to use our sexual desires. It clearly states that you should have sex with your spouse. Anything sexual that happens without your spouse is sin. And since, by definition, masturbation occurs by yourself, it is a sexual sin.
- When you fantasize about your spouse and masturbate by yourself, you might not be lusting in the traditional sense. But in one sense, you are lusting because you are seeking sexual pleasure from an image that is not actually your spouse. Their body isn’t actually there. It’s all in your head.
- And even if you don’t think fantasizing about your spouse and masturbating is a form of lust, it certainly is a form of idolatry. Pleasuring yourself to an image of your spouse shows you are elevating your sexual desires to a place that is compromising your self-control.
The Spirit produces self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). The flesh produces sexual sin (Galatians 5:19). And Galatians 6:7-8 states:
Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.”
For more on this, you can read my article called What Does the Bible Say About Masturbation?
2. Masturbation Will Ruin Your Marriage Because It Separates You from Your Spouse
While many end up feeling like their sex drive is a curse, God means for it to be a blessing. When used properly, a healthy sex drive bonds you with your spouse. But when you release your sexual desires through masturbation, you are also releasing your God-given motivation to pursue your spouse in a sexual way.
Sin always causes separation. Masturbation ruins your marriage because it separates you from your spouse. 1 Corinthians 7:5, “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
When you masturbate, you are directly disobeying the command to “come together” with your spouse. Your body doesn’t just belong to you. It belongs to your spouse too. When you masturbate rather than going to your spouse for sexual pleasure, you are withholding your body from them, which causes separation to build in the union (1 Corinthians 7:3-4).
3. Masturbation Will Ruin Your Marriage Because It Defiles Your Marriage Bed
When people masturbate, even if they’re thinking about their spouse, they’re usually going to be going to very lustful places in their mind. Not only is this bad for your soul, but it’s also bad for when you come to your spouse for real sex.
Masturbation, like porn, produces a performance mindset. While a husband and wife should be free to enjoy each other’s bodies and experience what they find enjoyable together, it is possible to start seeing your spouse as an object to use rather than a person to love.
Hebrews 13:4 states, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”
While masturbation is not the same thing as adultery, some effects from both overlap with each other. In other words, just as adultery causes problems in the marriage bed because a spouse is contaminating the intimacy with other people, so too does masturbation contaminate the marriage bed because it also contaminates the intimacy meant for a husband and wife with sexual experiences outside of their union.
4. Masturbation Will Ruin Your Marriage Because It Fuels Your Selfishness
One of the core building blocks of a healthy marriage is selflessness. For a husband and wife to stay unified, they both need to learn to put the other person before themselves. Selfishness and marriage don’t mix!
Therefore, masturbation and marriage don’t mix because masturbation is an inherently selfish act. It says, “I want pleasure. I want it now. And I don’t care how I get it.” And when someone keeps indulging in this sin without repentance, not only will their sexual sin get worse, but the underlying selfishness will get worse too.
Sin is never satisfied. It always wants more (Romans 6:19). That’s why selfish people will always get more and more selfish (2 Timothy 3:13), which obviously is toxic for marriage.
When you put yourself before your spouse, you both lose. When you both put each other above yourselves, you both win (Ephesians 5:28-29, Acts 20:35).
5. Masturbation Will Ruin Your Marriage Because It Teaches You to Rely on Yourself Rather Than on Christ
Some people will always come up with excuses for why they need to masturbate because it’s their idol. The truth is, if you’re excusing masturbation for any reason, it just means that you love your sin more than you love Jesus.
No matter how strong your urges, you don’t need to masturbate. You need Christ (1 Corinthians 10:13-14)!
When you turn to masturbation for your needs, you not only hurt your walk with God, but you also hurt your relationship with your spouse and with yourself.
By turning to Christ, you will be given the power to love God, your spouse, and yourself in the ways the Bible promises. As Jesus said in John 15:5, “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”
Related Article: 6 Ways Satan Gains a Foothold in a Marriage