Godly Love Vs. Worldly Love (4 Differences)

Romantic love can either be biblical or worldly. It can be used to please God or displease him. It can either bring life to your heart or death.

The world has told us all kinds of things about what true love will feel like. But to avoid being misled, we have to know what the Bible says.

Therefore, here are 4 differences between biblical romantic love and worldly romantic love.

1. Worldly Romance Is Driven By the Flesh. Godly Romance Is Driven By the Spirit

There’s not one biblical passage that lays out the fundamentals of godly romantic love. Rather, there are many passages about Christian love in general. Christian love and romantic love are not the same thing. However, Christian love can be expressed through romantic love.

Think of romance like one vehicle in life through which Christian love can be delivered. There are many others, such as through friendship, church membership, being a sibling, being a child, being a parent, etc. In each of these different types of relationships, we must express Christian love in the appropriate way. It’s no different when it comes to romance.

However, while Christian love can be expressed through various relationships, our sinful flesh can also seek to manifest itself through these relationships. While romantic love can be a vehicle for our new nature, it can also be a vehicle for our sin nature.

So the way you can tell the difference between godly romance and worldly romance really isn’t about the romantic feelings. Those are universal for believers and unbelievers. Rather, the difference will be what’s controlling those desires. How we handle romance is what makes it holy or unholy.

The flesh wants sex before marriage. The Spirit will lead you to wait and have sex in marriage. The flesh wants you to idolize this person and depend on them for all your joy. The Spirit will lead you to enjoy this person while you seek ultimate joy in Christ together. The flesh will use deception to get this person to give what it wants. The Spirit will lead you to live in truth as you interact with this person, no matter the consequence.

Galatians 5:16-17, “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.”

2. Worldly Romance Is Driven By Fear. Godly Romance Is Driven By Faith

Just as our romantic desires can be expressed in holy or unholy ways, so too can they be controlled by our fears or our faith.

When fear controls your romantic desires, you will spend more time worrying about losing this person than about loving them. Instead of enjoyment, you will be tortured by anxiety. Instead of trusting God with the future of this relationship, you will be trying to control God so he gives you exactly what you think is best for yourself.

When romantic love is godly, however, faith will be fueling your actions. Yes, you won’t want to lose this person; but instead of worrying about this possible outcome, you will simply be seeking to put God first, knowing that he will then take care of the rest (Matthew 6:33).

3. Worldly Romance Is Selfish. Godly Romance Is Selfless

In a healthy, romantic, Christian relationship, you should want to be with this person. This relationship should make you happy. You shouldn’t feel like you’re settling.

However, Christian love is all about sacrifice (John 15:13). So if your romantic love is being used as a vehicle for your Christian love, your energy won’t simply be on getting things from this person. Rather, the main joy you get from this relationship will come from giving. What will make you happiest is making this person happy (Acts 20:35). Likewise, this person will feel the same for you (Philippians 2:4).

Worldly romance is always short-lived because it is always based on mutual selfishness. The couple stays together so long as they can both get what they want from each other. When someone becomes unhappy, the commitment ends.

Godly love can push through hard seasons because the commitment of Christian love keeps them together. And through the commitment, the feelings are rejuvenated too. They go through hard seasons, but then they go through good seasons too.

Worldly love always ends when things get hard, “for the righteous falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked stumble in times of calamity” (Proverbs 24:16).

4. Worldly Romantic Love Produces Death. Godly Romantic Love Produces Life

Jesus says we shall know them by their fruits (Matthew 7:20). Sometimes worldly romantic love and godly romantic love look very similar in the beginning. But over time, you will always be able to tell the difference by what is being produced.

Worldly romance pulls you from God, produces shame through sin, and makes you feel less like your true self in Christ. Godly romantic love, however, will help you be closer to God, it will help you feel pure because you’re living righteously, and will help you feel more like your true self in Christ.

As Jesus said, “It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all” (John 6:63).