Are you just being overly cautious because you’ve been hurt in the past, or is God really trying to warn you about a man? Even if he hasn’t done anything particularly evil against you, is it possible the Holy Spirit is trying to reveal something in your spirit?
One particularly evil man in the Bible who was really good at hiding his true intentions was Haman. While Esther didn’t have any romantic connection to this man, by examining her interactions with him, we can identify at least 4 warning signs the Holy Spirit might use in your life to protect you from an evil man.
1. If He Holds a Grudge Against Others, God Is Warning You
Evil men who want to use you are capable of treating you well for as long as they need to. In other words, they know how to say and do the right things in order to hook you and get you attached. They know if they act too toxic too quickly, you will leave them, and they won’t get to use you the way they want to.
So how can you know if a man is just pretending until he traps you or is genuinely a godly man? One key is to observe how he handles conflict with others. It’s not a red flag if a man has problems with other people. That’s just a part of life. However, a toxic man will be full of revenge.
Scripture is clear that even if we are genuinely wronged, we should not seek revenge (1 Peter 2:23, 1 Peter 3:9). We can seek justice, but revenge is fueled by hate and bitterness, both of which can give rise to satanic strongholds in our lives (Ephesians 4:26-32).
This is what happened to Haman. Not only did he take offense when Mordecai would not bow down and pay him homage, but he was so revengeful that he then sought to kill all the Jews simply because he was so mad at Mordecai (Esther 3:5-6).
So be aware! The revenge the Holy Spirit is revealing to you in this man towards others will one day be pointed at you if you ignore this warning sign.
2. If He’s Against the Side You’re For, God Is Warning You
Who you support says something about your own values. While there is no perfect political option in these trying times, while there is no perfect domination among the churches, and while we can all see newsworthy issues differently, you should never try to make peace with a man who clearly has an entirely different worldview than you.
Perhaps the best way to know if you two are aligned enough to be a team in marriage one day is to take note of who you are for and against. If you find yourselves consistently rooting for different sides to win in political and social battles, this is a bad sign.
Haman wasn’t really after Esther directly. Rather, he was after Jews in general. But clearly this made her an enemy to Haman as well because they were her people (Esther 4:13-14).
Likewise, if a man is against “your people,” this is not a difference you can overcome. It’s not just that you like different things. It’s that your entire value system is different. Who you oppose and support reflects your core beliefs.
3. If He Has Personal Issues with Those Who Love You, God Is Warning You
While Haman’s blind rage and need for revenge against Mordecai were certainly a red flag in themselves, this was doubly concerning for Esther because she knew firsthand how good a man Mordecai was. He had taken her in as a child when her parents died and raised her as his own daughter (Esther 2:7). And even though she was now an adult, he was still watching over her (Esther 2:11).
Therefore, it’s one thing when a man has rage against others. That’s a big problem. But it’s even worse when this man targets the very people who have loved and cared for you.
For example, if your father has shown himself to be a particularly good man, but this guy has issues with your dad, that makes your concerns that much more valid. If he has a problem with your pastor, that’s not great. But if your pastor has been particularly kind and helpful to you and you know his character firsthand, this man’s issue with him becomes that much more concerning.
Sometimes men just don’t like each other. That’s okay. Your future husband doesn’t have to fit in perfectly with the males in your life. However, usually men with godly character can find common ground. Sometimes a man has issues with the guys in your life because men on different spiritual sides sense this about each other.
4. If You See the Walls Closing in On This Man Because of His Sins, God Is Warning You
A godly woman will stay with her man through thick and thin. And then, when he rises from the ashes, she gets to reap the rewards because she didn’t abandon him in his time of need.
However, that is completely different than realizing a man is digging his own grave through his evil ways. God will warn you about this type of man so you can leave him before his fall brings you down too.
Through his constant rebellion against God, Haman was tightening the noose around his own neck. In Esther 5-7, Haman ends up planning to hang Mordecai, but through God’s intervention, he ends up getting hanged himself.
If you stay with a man like this, you’ll fall into the pit he dug for himself (Proverbs 1:10-19, Proverbs 13:20, Proverbs 22:24-25).
