Become “The One”

Ephesians 5:22, Ephesians 5:25

Oftentimes we ask, “How will God reveal the one to me?”, but it’s just as important to ask, “How will God reveal me as the one to someone else?”

Here are 3 ways God will make you “the one” for your future spouse.

1. God Will Help You Focus More on Your Own Character Development Than Anyone Else’s

If you’ve been reading my content for a while, you know I use the phrase “the one” in a different way than many other people. I don’t believe in soul mates, twin flames, or that there is literally just one person you can marry in order to be perfectly happy. Rather, I simply believe that God is sovereign and has a plan for everything (Ephesians 1:11), including our relationships; thus, it’s our job as Christians to follow God’s plan, including when it comes to finding the person God wants us to marry.

One danger, however, in searching for this person is that we can become so focused on identifying them that we forget they will also need to identify us. How does God want Christians to identify who he wants them to marry?

First off, God wants us to look at someone’s biblical character when deciding if we should marry them or not. Are they the type of person you can partner up with to glorify God in a relationship? If not, they are not the one for you.

But again, with this in mind, it becomes abundantly clear why we need to be just as concerned with our own biblical character. While we will see “the one” by first noticing their Christian qualities, they will also be noticing us in the same way.

Therefore, if you want “the one” to see you as “the one” too, practice what Jesus said in Matthew 7:1-5. This passage doesn’t say we can’t ever help anyone else. But it does make clear that our primary focus should be on developing our own character because that’s what we have the most control over.

2. God Will Help You Become “The One” for Someone Else By Helping You Become the Type of Person You Would Want to Marry

Throughout the Bible, we see the principle that we must hold ourselves to the standards we are holding others to (Matthew 7:1-2, Luke 6:31). While this truth has serious spiritual consequences if we don’t follow it, this principle must also be applied in relationships. For example:

  • If you are really attracted to people who look very healthy and in-shape, do you eat right and workout? People who spend time living healthy are going to want someone who is doing the same.
  • Are you a woman who likes a man to have traditional values in dating, like paying for the dates, leading the “define the relationship talks”, and initiating interest? If so, are you also willing to hold yourself to traditional values that a man like this would want in a woman, like being feminine, respecting his leadership, and willing to not complain about his relationship timing?
  • Are you a man who desires a woman who isn’t living a sexually promiscuous lifestyle? If so, are you living a sexually pure life too?

People tend to want someone who is at least equal or above them in the areas they value. There’s nothing wrong with that, but just know that people are going to treat you the same way. Someone who has the traits you want is going to want you to have these traits too.

3. God Will Help You Become “The One” for Someone By Equipping You to Be a Husband or Wife Before You Even Meet Your Future Wife or Husband

One fact that is often overlooked when it comes to the biblical commands about husbands and wives is who these commands are directed at. Ephesians 5:22 states, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” It didn’t say, “Husbands, make your wives submit.” Ephesians 5:25 states, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her . . . .” It didn’t say, “Wives, make your husband sacrifice himself for you.”

The biblical roles for a Christian marriage are never to be forced on someone. They are to be taken up voluntarily. Both the husband and wife have a very difficult, humbling calling. Usually the word “submit” said to the women is what shocks everyone. But notice that men are called to die for their wife. Both of these roles are offensive and abusive when forced onto the other. Christian marriage is not offensive and abusive because each role is fulfilled by someone who wants to fulfill it, who is gladly willing to submit or die for the other.

Things get unhealthy when only one side is doing their job. A woman submitting to a selfish husband or a man sacrificing for a selfish wife are both unhealthy and not what God wants. Therefore, if you want a healthy marriage, you have to voluntarily become someone ready to fulfill their biblical role in marriage by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Relationships always involved two people. Therefore, as Christians, if we want to meet, date, and marry the person God has for us, we also need to become the person God wants for someone else.

the one