God made sex for married Christians to fully enjoy. So how can you have more sex in your Christian marriage? Believe it or not, the Bible does directly give instructions for the marriage bed. And the main message regarding sex in marriage is the main message regarding marriage in general: focus on giving more than on taking. Here are 5 truths the Bible gives about marriage and sex that will help your intimacy flourish.
1. Sex, Like All of Marriage, Should Be More About Giving Than Taking.
Notice in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 that Paul instructs each spouse not to focus on his or her own rights, but on the other spouse’s rights. Nowhere in the Bible does it say “husbands take your rights” or wives “don’t let the other person deprive you of your needs.”
Rather than instructing spouses to worry about their own needs, Paul takes the opposite approach. He says “husbands should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:3). He then points out how each spouse has authority over the other spouse’s body (1 Corinthians 7:4). Next he states “Do not deprive one another” (1 Corinthians 7:5). Again, the whole perspective is viewed not in demanding your own rights, but in making sure you give the other person their rights. The more concerned you are in your marriage about the other person’s needs, the easier it will be for that person to be concerned about your needs, including when it comes to having more sex.
In marriage, however, there is usually one spouse who wants sex more (usually the husband). So what’s a Christian man or woman supposed to do if he or she wants more sex but the other spouse is not offering it?
2. “Do Not Deprive One Another” Still Applies to the Spouse Who Desire More Sex in His Or Her Christian Marriage
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 not only means the person with the lesser sex drive should be careful not to deprive the spouse with the greater sex drive. It also means that if the person with the greater sex drives does not use that drive to sexually pursue the other spouse, they are depriving that other spouse of his or her rights. Each spouse’s sex drive belongs to the other.
God made sex good. It benefits a Christian marriage. It connects a Christian husband and wife in a special way. Perhaps God has paired you with a spouse with a lower sex drive so she or he can be benefited by your sex drive.
Additionally, it makes sense that men typically desire more sex because God has made the man to be the leader, the initiator, and the head within the marriage. Therefore, the husband denies his wife’s rights to his body when he does not go to her for sexual satisfaction. His desire for more sex should benefit them both. If he goes to any other source other than his wife for more sex, this damages the Christian marriage.
This is why masturbation is sinful. Masturbation is condemned through what’s condoned. It is impossible to fulfill 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 if a spouse’s sex drive does not include the other spouse. You are denying your spouse if you pursue any other sexual experience that does not include her or him.
3. The Best Way to Bless Yourself Is to Bless Your Spouse
To receive the blessing of more sex in your Christian marriage, you must seek to bless your spouse. When you read Ephesians 5:22-33, there is no denying that husbands and wives are to serve one another in their marriage. And throughout the pages of the Bible, you find that this type of sacrificial love not only benefits the one being loved, but the one giving the love as well:
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (Ephesians 5:28)
In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’” (Acts 20:35)
For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. (Matthew 16:25)
While verses like this are not directly talking about having more sex in your Christian marriage, the biblical principle presented here carries over into the marriage bed. The more you serve your spouse, the more you are blessing yourself.
4. Self-Centered Sexual Pursuits Always Lead to Less Sex In Your Christian Marriage, Not More
If you want to have more sex in your Christian marriage, you must avoid sexual sin. Selfish husbands and wives always reap less sex in their Christian marriage. With that said, all forms of fake sex (porn, masturbation, fantasies of the mind ) leads to less real sex because they foster a selfish personality.
Sinful lust cause less sex in a Christian marriage because they make a person self-centered and deepens the ditch of selfishness, which always repulses real people, especially the spouse you are suppose to lay your life down for. If a husband wants more sex but has a selfish mentality in sex, which is usually fueled through the fallacy in which porn depicts sex, ironically he repulses his wife with his selfish personality and ends up with less sex in marriage. Women are attracted to men who act like real men.
While the visual presentation of a man is still important to her, the way a man treats a woman will be the biggest factor in whether or not she finds him attractive. Therefore, selfish husbands simply don’t move the needle for their wives. Husbands are truly doing themselves a favor when they place their wives’ emotional, physical, relational, and spiritual needs as one of their top priorities.
5. When You Stop Demanding More Sex, You End Up Reaping the Benefits In Your Christian Marriage
Those who get entrenched in fake sex because they want more sex so bad are the ones who have the least amount of real sex in their life, “For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it” (Matthew 16:25). Sometimes we need to let our demands for more sex go so we can free our spouse from feeling our unholy pressure on her or him. When we “give up our life,” that’s when we truly gain it.
Put simply, if you want more sex in your Christian marriage, stop pursuing sex and start pursuing your spouse more with genuine love.