How to Talk to Someone You Like (Christian Dating Advice)

Ephesians 4:25-30

Are you normally a very confident person who socializes really easily but then when you like someone you get awkward and tongue-tied?

By applying these 4 biblical pointers, you will get a lot better at talking to the person you like.

Principle 1. Respect Gender Differences: Ask the Right Type of Question Based Upon the Gender of the Person

Of course not every man and woman fits neatly into gender stereotypes, and that’s okay! But generally speaking, it is true that most women are more interested in people and most men are more interested in things.

You can see this principle played out right in Genesis at the beginning of human creation. When sin entered the world, notice how the curse affected men and women both but in slightly different ways. In Genesis 3:16, God highlighted how the relationships in a woman’s life would be affected. In Genesis 3:17-18, God highlighted how the man’s relationship with things would be affected. I’m not saying that women don’t care about things and men don’t care about people. I’m just pointing out that there does seem to be a special emphasis in each gender towards these two topics.

Therefore, if you are a man who likes a woman, ask her questions about herself or the people in her life. When you ask her how she feels about something or about people she loves, this will make her feel more connected to you because you are showing her you care about what she cares about.

If you are a woman who likes a man, ask him a question about a topic or activity that you both find interesting – like the content of the sermon, a hobby you both enjoy, or some event that recently occurred.

Men don’t like it when people ask them personal questions too soon. They would much rather talk about a topic or activity that they find interesting. When a woman asks a man how he feels or about this family history or about his friends, it can feel pushy and like we are getting interrogated. Men will open up with a woman but not until they know they like her.

Principle 2. Look for Like Minded People: Talking to People You Have Common Interests with Is Much Easier

While most relationships certainly have an awkward “getting to know you” phase, when you meet the right person the conversation should flow pretty easily.

As Christians, the first goal is to find someone who is “like-minded” when it comes to our walk with God (Philippians 2:1-4). Having the common bond of mutual love for Christ will make your relationship strong. But we also need to take this principle even further when it comes to romance. You should be “like-minded” in other ways so the unity and conversation is natural and unforced.

Sure, sometimes it’s about you getting better at being in conversation, which you can do through practice. At other times, however, it’s not a conversation issue but rather a connection issue – meaning, you two just don’t fit well together. Don’t try to talk yourself into a relationship that is a bad fit. Rather, look for someone that you can talk to easily, which is a sign this is a good fit.

Principle 3. Be Genuine: Never Be Fake Just So Someone Will Like You More

It’s too hard to try to shape-shift into the person you think everyone else wants you to be. You will stress yourself out if you are trying to guess at what will make this person like you. The only solution is to be genuine.

It’s important to show someone the person you really are because you want to know if they dislike that person or not. Your goal should not be to say the perfect thing to win this person. Your goal should be to give them an accurate view of yourself so they can make an informed decision. Who knows, they might not like the fake you. They might just actually like the real you!

When someone mentions something you find interesting, jump on that and ask a relevant follow up questions you are truly interested in. If someone says something you find really boring or unfunny, it’s okay to do something socially acceptable to be kind in conversation; but don’t overdo it, pretending you love this topic or pretending that joke was actually funny. Be secure with who you are so you can find someone who actually likes the real you. As Ephesians 4:25-30 states:

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another . . . Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.”

Principle 4: Be Honest: If You Like Them, Let Them Know that You Like Them Through Clear Verbal Affirmation

The reason you can easily talk to someone you don’t like is because you are being honest about your feelings in how you are talking to them. You are not sending them vibes that you like them because you honestly don’t like them. You are being casual because you honestly want to keep it casual. Likewise, you will find it a lot easier to talk to the person you do like once you stop trying to hide that you like them.

Many Christians find it hard to talk to the person they like because they want it to seem like they don’t like them. They are trying to hide the truth. This is a mistake. In John 8:32 Jesus said, “. . . the truth will set you free.” Obviously Jesus is talking about the truth of the gospel setting you free from sin. But the principle remains. When you are no longer afraid of sharing your true feelings about someone, this will free you to talk more easily with them. 

I’m not saying you should go up to someone and profess your love. I’m just saying that if you like someone, it’s actually good if they sense this about you. Otherwise nothing will ever happen. Oftentimes both people are expecting the other person to crack first. It’s a lot easier if both are just honest (Luke 6:31). If it makes you happy to talk to this person, show it!

If you are a man, yes, it will be obvious that you like her if you talk to her more than anyone else in the group. But that’s not a bad thing if you want to be with her one day because eventually you need to go for it. If you are a woman, you should show enthusiasm and happiness when the guy talks to you that you like. It’s good if he senses you are interested if you ever want him to actually pursue you one day.

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