Why Don’t Christian Guys Ask Me Out?

why many christian girls remain single
Proverbs 13:4

If you are a Christian woman who would like to be married but you are still single, have you ever asked yourself, “Why won’t Christian guys ask me out? Why won’t Christian guys approach me?”

There are many reasons Christian men and women remain unmarried, and not all of them are your own fault. Sometimes it’s just not God’s timing. However, it would be irresponsible to never analyze yourself to see if there is anything you are doing that is causing Christian guys to not ask you out.

So here are 6 ways Christian girls often hinder their chances of Christian guys approaching them to ask them out.

Christian Girls Will Remains Single If They Hang Around Wimpy Guys

This first one is kind of your fault and kind of not your fault. In one way, the problem may not be with you but with the guys who are around you. It’s more of the Christian man’s responsibility to approach the woman and to pursue her.With that said, it is still the Christian girl’s responsibility to recognize what is happening in her life and to address any issues that are hindering her from accomplishing the relationship goals she has.

In other words, even though the guys around her may be too wimpy and passive to ask her out, the Christian girl is still choosing to remain around these types of guys. She needs to meet more guys if the men she is around are not interested in initiating a dating relationship with her.

Proverbs 13:4 states, “The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied.” While God is ultimately the giver of all good things, God sometimes waits until we do certain things before he blesses us with what we want. Perhaps God is waiting for you to meet a new group of Christian guys who aren’t so wimpy.

If you want a Christian guy to ask you out, perhaps you need to meet some new Christian guys who have the guts to ask a girl out.

Christian Guys Won’t Ask You Out If You Mother Them

A Christian girl can be a business leader, a wife, a missionary, a mother, and so much more. Problems arise, however, when her different personality traits cross into other areas of life where they don’t belong. While you must be true to who God has made you to be, the way you will operate in motherhood will need to be very different than how you operate in your interactions with guys.

Some girls have a strong “motherly” side to them. Maybe it’s expressed as a compassionate listening ear, a tendency to say “Aw” a lot, or in a desire to do things for people who need some extra help. Obviously none of these things are wrong. However, if you show too much of your motherly side to a guy you like, he will like you back but not romantically. Sweet is nice. Guys want their wives to be sweet. But they don’t want a woman to be so sweet it’s sickening.

Most guys are all too eager to have a girl fuss over them and treat them like a little helpful dependent. But these guys will not find a girl like this attractive. They will see her as a friend at best. And if a Christian girl does get a Christian guy to ask her out even though she is mothering him, she will regret it sooner than later. You don’t want to be with a guy who wants you to mother him. A Christian husband is called to lovingly lead his wife (Ephesians 5:22-33), and he can’t do this if he only likes her because she takes such good care of him.

So if a Christian girl wants a Christian guy to ask her out, she needs to be careful to not mother him.

Christian Guys Will Not Ask You Out If You Send the Friend Vibe Too Hard

It’s good to send the “friend vibe” to a Christian guy if you really only want to be friends with him. Often times, however, a Christian girl will play the friend card with every guy, even guys she likes, because this is her way of dealing with the stressful, complicated dynamics of interacting with the opposite sex.

While I don’t think it is wrong for a woman to pursue a Christian guy she likes, I also don’t think it is usually necessary either. What is necessary is that she doesn’t scare him off from asking her out by making him feel like she only wants to be friends.

Joking around is fine. Friendly putdowns probably won’t hurt too bad. Burping and farting in his presence will probably make him laugh. But if you act like one of the guys, don’t be surprised if he only treats you like one of the guys. Be approachable and friendly, but if you want a Christian guy to ask you out, you will need to send him something more than “the friend vibe.”

If You Dislike “Masculinity” and Think Most Men Are Pigs, Christian Guys Will Not Approach You

Because of the curse and the sinful nature, men have been oppressing women from the beginning of human history. When you look at how women have been treated historically, it really is disgusting. To think that women, for example, in America have only been allowed to vote since 1920 is lunacy.

In many ways, “feminism” has done a lot of good. Without women speaking up and sharing their beliefs, there would still be far more injustices being done to women than there still are today. I say all this because I in no way am advocating for a wallflower type of woman who just blindly follows the man in her life. I’m not saying an opinionated woman is an unattractive woman.

What I am saying is that there’s a difference between sharing your opinion and sticking up for women compared to being overly sensitive and defensive towards men. While feminism has done a lot of good, it has also done a lot of bad. In some circles, the focus has turned from elevating women to putting men down.

I understand why some women would be defensive towards men and have a general disrespect towards things that feel masculine. The oppression of women is real. I also know masculine men won’t like a woman who has this type of edge to her.

I often think many modern women are conflicted. They have been asking men to act more like women for decades, but then they complain when men won’t ask them out and when men are passive. You can’t have it both ways. I think Proverbs 14:4 applies well here, “Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox.”

In other words, if you don’t want to deal with the messiness of men acting masculine, then you can avoid this. But if you avoid masculine men, don’t expect the guys you do still hang around to show initiative, to lead you, or to even ask you out.

If You Are So Agreeable It’s Boring, Christian Guys Will Not Ask You Out

If a guy had to describe you by a color, would it be agreeable grey? If so you are in trouble. Grey pretty much goes with anything, but I haven’t heard too many people say that gray is their favorite color.

In other words, if you are extremely agreeable and pride yourself on just going with the flow no matter what, odds are you will have a lot of friends. But you will also be running the risk of blending in with the background every time a Christian guy comes into your life that you wish would ask you out.

While an overly sassy, opinionated, man-hating type of woman will certainly keep guys from approaching, a woman who is too agreeable will also have very few men asking her out. If you are generally and truly an agreeable person, I’m not saying to change who you are.

What I am saying is that guys need to see your personality before they will like you and ask you out. Being easygoing is a positive, just make sure you express yourself enough so people can actually get to know the real you, your likes and dislikes, and what you believe about important topics.

If you want a guy to ask you out, you can’t be so agreeable it’s boring.

Christian Guys Will Not Approach You If You Are Not Paying Attention to Your Appearance At All

Before you call me a chauvinist pig, just know I would give this same advice to men as well. Humans are visually wired, and men on average are even more visually wired than women. Like it or not, there really is a thing called physical attraction and God made it that way.

I’m not saying physical attraction is the most important factor in getting a Christian guy to ask you out, but it is a factor somewhere in the equation. Just read the Song of Solomon if you want a biblical example of physical attraction.

If you stink, if you look unhealthy, or if you generally just look disheveled most days, guys are going to find it harder to find you attractive. It’s not impossible to find a Christian guy if you literally pay no attention to your appearance, but odds are you will only be able to find a guy who pays as little attention to himself as you do. If you want a guy who takes care of himself, then you have to require the same from yourself.

Generally speaking people pair off with other people who have similar style and grooming habits as themselves. Slobs attract slobs. People who care about their appearance too much attract people who care about their appearance too much. And people who have respect for themselves and try to live a healthy lifestyle attract other people who do the same.

Your appearance is not the most important way to get a date, but Christian guys are still guys. They have eyes and are attracted to beauty. God made every woman beautiful, but he requires each of us to take care of what he’s entrusted to us. If you want a Christian guy to ask you out, there’s nothing wrong with putting your best foot forward.

Why Won’t Christian Guys Ask Me Out?

In summary, if you want a great Christian guy to ask you out, you must be a great Christian girl. Hold yourself to the same standard that you are holding the men to. If you love God and learn to be yourself, a great Christian guy will definitely ask you out.

Published by

Mark Ballenger

ApplyGodsWord.com is the writing ministry of Mark Ballenger. To reach Mark, send him an email anytime: markballenger@applygodsword.com

4 thoughts on “Why Don’t Christian Guys Ask Me Out?”

  1. Dear Mark,
    I am new to your ministry and have heard a few of your videos. I actually enjoy them a lot, find them to be pretty balanced. Regarding the topic of singleness, I have noticed that women of color are often overlooked by Christian men (of all races). I believe that the western standard of beauty (blonde, tall) also dictates who Christian men consider attractive. I am Latina and often have these conversations with my black Christian sisters. Of the numerous interracial marriages I have seen throughout my time as a believer, most black men are married to white women (I also see this with Latino men). The few Latina women that are pursued by Christian men are usually the ones that have no connection to their cultural or ethnic heritage. What are your thoughts on this? If you feel led to respond, I kindly ask that our realities are not dismissed (as is often the case with people who cannot relate to our situation). Thanks.

  2. That’s interesting point Marisol. I’m not sure I have a great answer but it certainly is safe to say that women of color have the most barriers in general in Western Society. People of color and women have historically been mistreated throughout western societies. Other than affirming how you feel, I don’t really have a great perspective on this at the moment.

    Here is an article about Christianity and culture: https://applygodsword.com/christian-culture-is-not-found-in-the-bible/

  3. Mark,
    Thanks for these videos – God has blessed you as a man to speak according to His word and I pray He will continue to use you.

    Very instructive video in the Lord. I am a woman from a very different culture (a woman of color in fact but just not American), so my perspective is non-American. I believe that God has given me discernment when it comes to feminism and I am by no means a feminist – I see the many facets of feminism which are antithetical to God’s word and design, the worst and most subtle of which is an underlying tendency of fault-finding with men.

    I agree with your point of accepting masculinity (in its fallen way – guys are designed to be leaders and sometimes they won’t do it perfectly). This is about showing men grace for their failures in leading correctly. Taking leadership from a man and assuming it yourself will not solve the problem – women need to learn this. Also, it requires submission to God first to accept a fallen man’s leadership. In the end, its all about submission to the Lord – He has set the standards and you can expect Him to intervene when things are working against His design.

  4. Thanks so much for sharing this with us. Lots of wisdom in your post. I totally agree that Christians all need grace for one another as we all fail in the roles God has for us. We must all submit to God as we seek to love each other through the means he has provided. Thanks again for sharing!

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