Psalm 139:23-24
If you want to be married, you should pray that God would give you a godly spouse. I know, however, that it can be confusing to know what to pray and how to pray. What if God doesn’t answer this prayer for a godly spouse?
Prayer is a mysterious thing at times. Sometimes it is obvious why certain prayers are answered with a yes or a no. At other times, it can be a mystery. Nonetheless, God commands us to pray about everything, including the desires of our hearts. The first step to take if you have a desire for marriage is to pray that God would bless you with a Christian spouse.
Pray in alignment with God’s word, pray as you are led by the Spirit, and just pray about the things that are on your heart. In addition to all that, here are 5 specific things to pray about if you want a godly spouse.
1.If You Want a Christian Marriage, Just Pray, “Lord, I ask that you would bring a godly spouse into my life.”
This first point is really important.
Pray isn’t about punching in the right combination of words that will unlock God’s blessings. So when you have a desire, you should ask God for it in the most direct way possible. Quiet your heart, focus on God, and just ask him for what you want, “Lord, I ask that you would bring a godly spouse into my life.” 1 John 5:14-15 states:
And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.”
Marriage is a good thing that is biblical, therefore it is right to pray about it. There’s no guarantee that God will answer your prayer the way you want or in the timing that you want. Notice it says that God will hear our prayers, which means he will answer those prayers, only when our prayers are “according to his will.” Even though God may not give you a spouse, although he may, he commands us to still pray about everything. Philippians 4:6-7 states:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
When you pray that God would give you a godly spouse, he may or may not give you one. But anytime you pray, God will take away your anxiety and replace it with the peace of Christ.
2. To Receive a Godly Spouse, Pray That God Would Reveal the Flaws in You
If you want a godly spouse, this point is so crucial.
One reason God often withholds his blessings is because we are not ready to receive those blessings because of our personal sin. Perhaps God does want to bless you with a godly spouse, but he can’t answer this prayer because there is sin in your life that will sabotage your marriage.
I’m not saying you earn blessings because of your good behavior or don’t earn blessing because of your bad behavior. I’m just saying that God loves us too much to bless us with gifts we can’t handle. If there is a character flaw in you that will cause you to ruin the godly relationship you are praying for, in kindness God may be delaying this relationship until you mature enough to handle it.
The faster you mature, the faster God will be able to bless you with what he already plans to give you. Therefore, if you want a godly spouse, pray that God would reveal any flaws in you that may be blocking his blessing. Spend time in confession every day and reflect on the areas of your life where you know you need improvement. Pray Psalm 139:23-24, “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there is any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!”
(For more on this, read my article, “Why Is God Waiting to Bless You?”)
3. Pray that God Would Prepare Your Spouse’s Heart for Marriage Too
Without this only half the puzzle is complete.
While you may need to grow to have a successful marriage, the same may be true of your future spouse as well. Therefore you should pray for his or her heart as well.
Pray that God would help your future spouse, whoever he or she may be, to live for God. Pray that they would be quick to repent of their sin, that they would stay clear of damaging relationships, that they would seek to obey God, and that they would take the time they need to develop into the person God wants them to be.
If you want a godly spouse, start praying for that specific person God has for you even though you don’t even know their name yet.
4. If You Want a Godly Spouse, Pray that God Would Give You Discernment to See Good Potential Godly Spouses
One quality that will speed up or slow down your future marriage from happening is your ability to discern the character and maturity of other people.
If you waste your time dating a lot of people who are not good candidates to be a godly spouse, you are delaying your marriage. To increase the speed of your Christian marriage forming, you should only date the type of people who will actually be godly spouses one day. Obviously not every good potential spouse will be your spouse. But why date people who don’t even seem to have the potential right now to be a godly spouse at all, let alone your godly spouse?
To do this, you will need discernment. Discernment is the ability to see things not for how they appear but for how they truly are. Discerning people are those who can sense red flags before others, who can pick up on unhealthy behavior, and who are able to see the differences in those who are mature or immature.
Discernment can look a lot like judgement, but these two things are very different. The main difference occurs in how they are used. When you sinfully judge someone, you assume things about them that are not true or you look down on them because you know something negative about them. Discernment is about gauging the evidence you have and making the best decision possible without looking down on others.
If you want to marry a godly spouse, pray for the discernment to know who are good candidates to get to know and who are people you shouldn’t consider dating.
5. Pray God’s Word If You Want a Godly Spouse
This last point may just be the most important.
As we discussed earlier, if you want your prayers answered, you must pray in alignment with God’s will. God has revealed his will in his word. Therefore if you want a godly spouse, you should pray the Scriptures.
For example, if you are praying for a wife, you could pray the words in Proverbs 31:10-31. Or if you if you are praying for a husband, you could read through 1 Timothy 3:1-13 and ask God to give you a godly man as described in that Bible passage. You could read through Ephesians 5:22-33 and ask that God would make you and your future spouse into the type of people ready to fulfill the biblical roles of a husband and a wife. You could pray through Galatians 5:22-26 and ask God to help you and your future spouse be the type of people who produce the fruits of the Spirit.
You and your spouse will not match these Bible verses perfectly, but when you pray the word of God there is power in your prayers.
Prayers for a Godly Spouse
Lastly, take comfort that God is all powerful. Even if you don’t pray perfectly, which none of us will, the Holy Spirit is praying on our behalf the things we don’t even know we should pray. Romans 8:26-27 states:
26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.”
So if you want to pray for a godly spouse, but you are not quite sure what to pray, trust that the Holy Spirit is praying for you too.