Here are three ways that we often choose a solution that actually becomes our problem.
And if you haven’t heard, the deadline to enroll in my online relationship training courses at AGW University is closing tomorrow, May 29th at 11:59pm. For more information about these courses, the bonus email coaching with me, and the scholarship, feel free to click here to learn more.
1. If You Are Misapplying Bible Verses About “Waiting,” Your Solution Could Be Your Problem
I give a lot of advice that is focused on things you can actually do to get into a godly relationship. But I can’t tell you how many people have commented on my videos with something like, “Stop misleading people! You just need to wait on God and in his timing, he will bring the right person into your life.”
Why is this a foolish comment? Because it creates an either-or option that is not in the Bible. These people are saying you can either wait on God or you can do something. I believe the Bible says you should wait on God as you do what God is telling you to do.
In other words, when you read a Bible verse about waiting on God, it’s talking about waiting on God for the results, not just literally sitting still at home waiting for blessings to appear out of thin air. All the Bible verses about waiting on God do not contradict all the verses about taking steps of faith with God (James 2:17, Proverbs 13:4, 2 Peter 1:5). They go together.
Waiting on God doesn’t mean you literally do nothing but wait. Rather, waiting on God means you are avoiding sin, avoiding doing things that God is not asking you to do, and trusting God to produce the results only he can produce. But eventually you will actually have to do something other than just sit and wait to receive what God is going to give you.
For example, if you are literally going to just wait on God for a spouse, you better hope the Amazon, UPS, FedEx, or US Postal worker is a strong Christian who feels led to ask you on a date. Otherwise, sitting at home waiting isn’t going to go well for you.
But in all seriousness, be consistent in how you apply Bible verses about “waiting on God.” You may wait on God for a better job, but you apply to new jobs, don’t you? You may wait on God for healing, but you still go to the doctor, don’t you? You may pray for someone’s salvation, but you still share the gospel with them, don’t you?
So of course wait on God for what you need. He truly is the only one who can give us good gifts (James 1:17). But don’t be biblically immature by literally just waiting around, expecting God to air drop a blessing on your front porch.
If you are misapplying the Bible verses about waiting because you are afraid of stepping out in faith with God to receive what he wants to give you, this is a sign your solution is actually your problem.
2. If You Are Pursuing a Biblical Blessing in an Unbiblical Way, Your “Solution” Is Your Problem
Sometimes our solution becomes our problem not because we are just waiting and waiting and waiting, but rather our solution becomes our problem when we start pursuing good things in bad ways.
Do the ends justify the means? Well, if you are using sinful means to obtain good ends, the ends still do not justify the means. For example:
- Proverbs 20:17, “Bread gained by deceit is sweet to a man, but afterward his mouth will be full of gravel.”
- Proverbs 20:21, “An inheritance gained hastily in the beginning will not be blessed in the end.”
- Proverbs 20:23, “Unequal weights are an abomination to the Lord, and false scales are not good.”
God wants to give us bread (Matthew 6:11), he wants us to have an inheritance (Proverbs 13:22), he wants our work to bear good fruit (Psalm 90:17, 1 Timothy 6:17), but if we try to pursue good things in bad ways, the good we want will turn out bad in the end. For example:
- Wanting to be married is good. But if you date worldly people to try to form a godly marriage, your solution is your problem.
- Sexual purity is good, but if you are masturbating or looking at porn so you can avoid premarital sex, your solution is your problem.
- Making money is good, but if you are losing your soul so you can gain the world, your solution is your problem.
3. If Your Current Goals Are in Response to Your Past Pains, Your “Solution” May Be Your Problem
One common way you can see this happen is in online dating profiles. When someone has this huge list of what they do and don’t want in a partner, oftentimes you are just reading a long list of how this person has been hurt in the past. Their list of wants is really just a list in response to their fears. They are signaling to everyone that they are going to project their past hurts onto them.
Sure, it’s very good to want a faithful partner. But if you were betrayed in the past, no one is going to be so perfect that they can overcome your fears of being betrayed again. If you were led on before, of course you should try to avoid that. But no one is going to be able to commit to you so strongly that you will believe they can never hurt you. Sure, you should want to avoid someone just playing games, but if you are so serious too soon, no one will ever want to get serious with you.
All that to say, other than Jesus, no person can heal you from your past, no blessing can outweigh your pain, and nothing in the present can change what happened to you previously. All you are doing when you are trying to solve past issues through current blessings is misusing the blessings God is giving you.
If you feel like you need help digging into your past, you may want to explore enrolling in AGW University. Through these courses, you will learn how to identify past relationship wounds and then how to find the right solutions so you can move on. You will also learn how to interact with the opposite sex in the most effective way possible to get the results you want.
The deadline to enroll is tomorrow, May 29th at 11:59pm EST. To learn more, click here.