Perhaps someone said they loved you and even made you feel like they really loved you, but then, somehow, the relationship still ended. Or perhaps you felt like you loved someone but there was also a pull in you to leave this person that you don’t fully understand.
So why do people leave someone they love? Here are 6 reasons to consider.
And if you have been enjoying my relationship content for a while but you feel like you are ready to go even deeper into God’s word about relationships, I wanted to let you know that enrollment for AGW University will be open until Sunday, May 29th, at 11:59pm (EST). And if you enroll before this deadline, you will also get the biggest scholarship I have ever offered before. Click the link here to learn more.
1. Their “Romantic Love” Was Not Complimented By Other Types of Love
In C.S. Lewis’ famous book called The Four Loves, he explains the differences between affection, friendship, romantic, and charity – all of which are actually a form of love. This principle of there being different kinds of love is also clearly seen in the Scriptures.
For example, when you read Song of Solomon (romantic love), that is clearly a different type of love than was between David and Jonathan (friendship love). It’s important to realize there are difference types of love because sometimes someone only has one type for someone else. When that type of love is romantic love, it’s easy for it to go away one day.
The romantic love that lasts is the type that involves other forms of love too. It’s impossible to always feel romantic with someone. Romance is too hot a flame to burn all the time. But love that is rooted in friendship, affection, and commitment can last a lifetime (1 Corinthians 13:8).
2. There Are Levels to Love
God loves all people with the same intensity and commitment. And God has called Christians to love all people, but not with the same intensity and commitment. God has designed human relationships to be finite. There’s only so much energy, time, and commitment one person can offer, and thus it is right to not try to offer the same type of love to all people. For example:
- As a parent it’s not wrong to love your children more than you love other people (Matthew 7:11).
- As a family member, you have a greater obligation to help support your family than a stranger (1 Timothy 5:8)
- When you are a member of a church, the pastors and members of that church have a greater responsibility to care for you than someone at a different church and you have a greater responsibility to care for those pastors and church members than you do towards people who go to a different church (Hebrews 13:17).
- A spouse is called to care for their wife or husband more than others (Ephesians 5:21-33, Hebrews 13:4).
All that to say, some people do have love for someone, but that love did not reach the level that was needed to commit their whole life to that person.
3. Feeling Unloved in Return
Healthy relationships are always two-sided. But love relationships must be different than a contractual two-sided agreement. Rather than love being a deal between two people, it must be comprised of two people who are both voluntarily choosing to love the other person. But this only works when the voluntary love being offered is equal.
Notice the mutual emphasis on self-sacrificing love expressed in Philippians 2:3-4, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” If this passage was stated in the singular, it would be a recipe for abuse. But it’s not singular. It’s plural, meaning we are told to treat each other this way. It’s not meant to be one-sided.
Sometimes a person tries to love someone but they don’t feel loved in return, and so they move on because we all need to be loved by the person we love in a relationship.
4. They “Fell in Love” and Never “Chose to Love”
If you “fall in love” you can always “fall out of love.” Now I’m personally not going to make a big deal if someone uses the phrase, “We fell in love.” It just depends on what you mean.
Eventually, however, it is important to really choose to love someone rather than remaining in this “falling into love” mentality. The deepest form of love, agape love, is always a choice (Ephesians 2:3-4).
This is why a married couple goes through a ceremony and says vows in front of other people. To really love someone, you have to choose to love them in a committed way.
5. Unsolvable Issues
A wise season of dating or courting is so important because a couple needs to figure out what issues they have. And notice I did not say they need to figure out “if” they have issues. Every couple will have issues. Some issues are something the couple can work through together, while other issues are true dealbreakers that cause an end in the relationship.
For example, perhaps two people love each other, but one person loves Jesus and the other doesn’t love Jesus. Your love for Jesus must outweigh your love for a person, and thus a split must occur so a worldly person does not pull you away from God (2 Corinthians 6:14, 1 Corinthians 15:33).
6. They Leave Because It’s the Most Loving Thing to Do
There are situations that occur where the most loving thing to do is to leave that person. For example:
- If someone is being abusive towards you, it’s unloving to stay with that person because leaving them is the discipline they need so they will change (Hebrews 12:6, 1 Corinthians 5:13).
- If you are stuck in an addictive sin, it’s unloving to stay in a relationship and hurt someone over and over again. If you aren’t ready to love someone in a mature way, it can be loving to let them go so they can find someone who is ready to love them.
- If you both are holding each other back from fulfilling your God-given callings, then it is loving to let each other go.
As you can see, relationships can be really complicated. So if you are a Christian single person who wants to gain a greater biblical clarity about your own relationship past and how you can proceed forward on the path God wants for you, you may be interested in AGW University.
These relationship courses will help you apply biblical principles so you can heal, grow, and thrive as you walk into God’s plan for your relationship future.
For more information, click here!