Crushing VS. True Love: A Biblical Analysis

5 Differences Between Crushing and Finding True Love

1 Corinthians 13:8

According to the Bible, what’s the difference between having a crush on someone compared to true love? Here are 5 points to consider.

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1. Crushing Comes and Goes. True Love Never Ends

Having a crush on someone is not bad, but it can become bad if improperly handled. One way having a crush on someone goes wrong is when we begin to imagine a distant future with this person that ends up never happening.

It’s certainly natural to imagine yourself being with someone that you have feelings for, but if this person does not reciprocate your feelings or the relationship just never progresses as far as you imagined it would go, your heart will then hurt. As Proverbs 13:12 states, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.”

Crushing is a hope that usually gets deferred. Only when a crush progresses into true love will that hope be fulfilled and produce healthy fruit.

Crushes come and go, but true love never ends. As 1 Corinthians 13:8 says, “Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.”

2. Crushing Often Leads to Infatuation. Love Is Rooted in Truth

To me, having a crush is pretty innocent but infatuation is getting closer to something more powerful and misleading.

So it’s important to do something about your feelings once you have a crush on someone. If you just sit there and ruminate for too long about your feelings for this person, you will compound your feelings but in a way that is just rooted in your hopes and dreams rather than in reality. Use your feelings for this person to explore a reality with this person. Otherwise your prolonged day-dreaming will lead to unhealthy infatuation.

Proverbs 13:7 states, “One pretends to be rich, yet has nothing; another pretends to be poor, yet has great wealth.” When we apply this principle to romance, we could say, “One pretends to have love, but really just has thoughts of love. Another pretends they don’t have thoughts of love, but they actually do something in the present to create true love.”

3. Crushing Is Sudden. True Love Takes Time to Develop

Having a crush is like finding an extra $20 in your pocket that you forgot about. But finding true love is like investing in a retirement account in a systematic way that grows steadily overtime. Proverbs 13:11 states, “Wealth gained hastily will dwindle, but whoever gathers little by little will increase it.”

Crushes differ than true love because crushes develop fast while true love takes time to develop. If you don’t really know someone, the feelings you have are rooted in your hopes and not facts. To truly love someone, you have to take the time to first know this person truly.

4. Crushing Is Chemical. True Love Is Grounded in Commitment

Crushing is about feeling. True love is about doing. Crushing is about talking. True love is about committing.  As Proverbs 13:3-4 states:

“Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin. The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied.”

5. Crushing Is Something that Comes from Ourselves. True Love Is Something God Gives Us

God often starts a connection with a crush, but sometimes a crush is just something we are creating ourselves. But when true love is present, it’s always something form God. As Proverbs 19:14 states, “House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.” To be “prudent” means, “acting with or showing care and thought for the future.”

When it’s just a crush, words are many but they vanish in the wind. When God is really producing true love between you both, there will be a tangible connection that grows stronger and stronger the more time you spend together. As Proverbs 10:19 also states, “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.”

So one major difference between a crush and true love is that a crush is just something we are creating while true love is something God is creating.

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