Here are three strong indications that someone is emotionally dangerous and God wants you to avoid them.
1. Someone Is Emotionally Dangerous and Should Be Avoided If Their Beliefs About You Are Controlled By Their Preexisting Imbalances
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone that seemed to have a split personality? One day they seem balanced and healthy. They seem like they are interested in you and emotionally mature enough to work through any issues that may come up in the future. But then the next day they start making crazy accusations against you. They start reading into your words and assuming you meant something you obviously didn’t mean. Or they just have an argumentative spirit one day that seems to be replaced with a spirit of peace the next. But this flip-flopping aura around them keeps occurring.
Don’t get me wrong, no one is perfectly in control of their emotions all the time. We all struggle with letting our own feelings dictate our beliefs in unhealthy ways at times. But when this happens to a healthy person, they are self-aware enough to know this is happening and then they take steps to either not act on these feelings or they do what they can to become a more balanced person with self-control. At worst, they wake up the next day and know they made a mistake and then they are mature enough to apologize and repent.
But emotionally dangerous people lack this self-awareness. They simply believe their feelings are always accurately representing reality. They are unable to see how their own issues and past wounds are often the reason for why they feel a certain way towards you. The hallmark trait of an unhealthy person is their need to blame others for their own issues.
Like a wave tossed by the wind, their beliefs and feelings about you are totally controlled by their own inner imbalances. Sadly there is nothing you can do for someone like this if they are unwilling to see their own issues and seek help. All you can do is avoid them and guard your own heart.
As Proverbs 9:7 states, “Whoever corrects a scoffer gets himself abuse, and he who reproves a wicked man incurs injury.”
2. Someone Is Emotionally Dangerous and Should Be Avoided If They Are a Narcissistic Person Who Is Gaslighting You
Have you ever had an issue with someone but you were afraid to bring it up? After thinking long and hard about how to confront this problem in the most respectful and gentle way possible, you finally give it a shot. Once you do, however, the person who has been wronging you turns the whole situation around and makes you feel crazy and like you are actually the one with the big problem that needs to be fixed. If someone makes you feel this way over and over again, the odds are high that you are dealing with a narcissistic person who is gaslighting you.
Narcissism and gaslighting go hand-in-hand. A narcissist is someone who is completely obsessed with themselves and always puts themselves before other people. Gaslighting is when someone makes you feel like you are crazy and they always turn everything around to make it seem like they are always right and you are always wrong. It makes sense that narcissists love to gaslight because their need to always put themselves first makes it necessary to twist reality and make you believe you are imagining things and seeing everything incorrectly.
Again, all of us have selfish tendencies at times. We all get narrow minded in arguments and try to make ourselves look right and the other person look wrong. But a healthy person eventually comes to their senses and can see their own flaws. They know it’s impossible for them to always be right and for everyone else to always be wrong.
But emotionally dangerous people are unable to have this realization. While we all get caught up in the heat of the moment when we are arguing with someone, people who are truly narcissistic never get out of this unhealthy mindset. They never snap out of it like a normal person. They just stay emotionally heated and defensive all the time.
Things won’t ever get better if you are dealing with a true narcissist. The only way things can get better is if they stop being a narcissist. While this can happen, it rarely does. The only solution to deal with someone like this is to pray for them and remove them from your life.
As Proverbs 22:24-25 states, “Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.”
3. If Someone Has Become Dependent on You in an Unbiblical Way, This Is a Sign They Are Dangerous and Should Be Avoided
Being dependent on someone is not always a bad thing. In healthy relationships, people drop their guard and allow themselves to need others and to be needed by others. As Galatians 6:2-3 states, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.”
But in context, these two verses are surrounded by two warnings. Galatians 6:1 states, “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.” Here we can see that it’s good to try to help people who are struggling. But we also need to be really careful that we don’t get so involved in someone else’s mess that it becomes our own mess.
Galatians 6:4-5 then states, “But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each will have to bear his own load.” Not only must we be careful we don’t get dragged down by others issues, here we are also warned about the dangers of trying to take credit for other people’s good. In other words, it’s wrong to try to find our identity in someone else.
If someone needs you to be their savior, they are emotionally dangerous and should be avoided. None of us can save each other. All we can do is point each other to the true Savior, Jesus Christ. If someone refuses to look to Jesus and they are only looking to you for help, they are actually dangerous and should be avoided.